Just In
Community
Forum
V
More
for The quick and the dead

1/6/2017 c12 jissymilissy
Oh my gosh! I can't stop laughing with that "Eru forsaken song" !
4/9/2016 c17 Guest
you're probably not going to read this,but still. Thank you for this all love badass was refreshing to read a tenth walker Story with a true heroine,who doesn't moon over elves or alike.I liked her very and independant,perfect.I enjoyed the read very much.I liked her character development and how she pretends to be an egoist but still fights for those who are ending left me with feelings I didn't expect to .You are an amazing writer.I know that you don't heed flamers anyway,but 're awesome!
8/12/2010 c1 The Auric Healer
This is AWESOME! I don't usually read this sort of story (OC thrown into a magical and different world), but I was desperate! I know that sounds really bad, but bear with me. Lately I've been wanting to read HP/LoTR stories, but there are so few of them! And even fewer that does not include de-ageing Harry and makeing him into an elf (Which I find annoying) that by the time I reached the summary of The Quick and the Dead I was totally gagged. As I've read one or two of your other stories, I decided I'd give this a shot. I'm really glad I did, for this is seriously one of the best stories I've EVER read('n considering that my fav list is has about 400 stories in it, that should say something). I'm a sucker of sarcastic, ironic, cynical people, I just find them incredible amusing.

Though, you say that Kennonomoi's mother wasn't quite right in the head. Well clearly, for who in their right mind call their kid kennonomoi? Not to mention her brothers, Hogosha, Ouji, Tenteioamai, and Keikoku. I mean, geez woman, are you trying to make your kids socially unaccepted, bullied outcasts?

But I'm gonna cut off short here, I need to continue reading!

Brilliant work, keep it comming!
7/4/2010 c17 7CaribbeanTrinidadian
awesome i loved it
8/27/2008 c1 WishingWanderer
Great story, I hope you continue it soon.
8/5/2008 c17 1EchoedShadows
LoL this story is awesome!
6/28/2008 c17 Me
Before I begin let me state that this review isn’t a flame. It is what I feel to be constructive criticism that I hope you will seriously consider and use to further develop your writing skills, as well as this story.

First I would like to start off with what I find good about this story. Your writing style shows promise and the potential for a well written story. It is descriptive and you usually put in enough detail to allow the reader to clearly visualize what you’re trying to portray, which is something that many authors fail to do.

However, you’re grammar needs some work. I’ve noticed that you have a tendency to neglect putting commas and periods into your dialogue so your sentences often end up looking like this:

“Aye laddie and ye wont believe the names the lass have given em’ go on Aragorn tell the squirrel what the lass calls them”.

The sentence should look like this:

“Aye, lad, and ye won’t believe the name the lass has given ‘em. Go on, Aragorn, tell the squirrel what the lass calls them.”

Many authors could claim ignorance or even stupidity for not utilizing the proper grammar. But I’m certain that you’re capable of paying attention to details. I’m also certain that you’re smart enough to figure out what punctuation marks goes where, so the only explanation for your continued allowance of such obvious grammatical errors is laziness. I realize that including all of those little details may seem tedious and time consuming but it must be done. This is your story and you should take pride in it. Why would you want to post anything other than your best on this site? I suppose you can say that this story is just for fun and entertainment so you shouldn't have to pay so much attention to detail. But if you think about it ALL writing is for fun and entertainment so that's no excuse. If you can’t be bothered to put your best effort into your story then why should the rest of us bother reading it? You owe it to not only your readers, but yourself as well, to try your hardest to make this the best story possible and I’m afraid that good grammar is essential to a good story. There’s no excuse for laziness.

Also, a few of your sentences read a bit awkwardly. A good way to correct this would be to read the chapter out-loud to yourself when you’re done writing it. That way you can hear what the sentences sound like and can rephrase them when necessary. In addition to doing this, I would suggest you get a beta. You can check out WendWriter’s profile for links on where to find one.

There are also a few things in your story that don’t make sense or match up with Tolkien’s writings. For instance, you asserted that Kennonomoi is a princess because Elrond took her as his foster daughter. This isn’t true. There is no possible way for Kennonomoi to be princess of Rivendell simply because Elrond isn’t a king. Yes, he founded and ruled Rivendell but he was its lord not its king. Also, it is very unlikely that Aragorn would claim her as his sister. He might claim her as his ward but he almost certainly would not claim her as his sister. Therefore it is incredibly unlikely that your character will become any sort of royalty until her marriage with Éomer (if he is, in fact, the man you plan to marry her off to).

And since we’re on the topic of marriage, you mentioned that while in Rivendell, Kennonomoi had many elves asking for her hand in marriage. This is so unlikely that it’s nearly impossible. The vast majority of elves would have absolutely no interest in anything but friendship with a mortal and sometimes they wouldn’t even want that. When elves marry they do it once and even if their mate dies they can’t remarry. So an elf, who will live forever, would not want to bind himself to a mortal, who will die. Also, elves only marry for love. No other reason. And considering it’s doubtful that any of them have spent enough time with Kennonomoi to even consider her a friend there’s no way that any of them would have fallen in love with her.

Now for Kennonomoi. The simple fact of the matter is that she’s a Sue. Now, unlike many, I happen to think that a Sue can make for good a story so long as it’s well written and somewhat realistic so don’t think that I’m criticizing her simply because she’s a Sue. I’m afraid that Kennonomoi’s character is going to need some major re-working to make her at all believable. One of the first things you need to do is give her some imperfections. Make her seem more human so that it’s possible for the readers to relate to her.

You can do this in a number of ways: you can make her somewhat clumsy, or slightly chubby, or short, or awkwardly tall, or wear glasses or have a tendency to babble when she gets nervous, or occasionally do or say something stupid and then get embarrassed over it. Or you can even give her an irrational fear such as arachnophobia or heights or even an animal or insect. You should also make her a bit unsure of herself. She’s an eighteen year old girl who just got dragged into a fictional world. There’s no way she would be self-assured and confident all the time.

You also need to do some major work on her attitude and the way she treats other people because, as you have her right now, she seems to be nothing more than an obnoxious brat. I’m very sorry but I’m afraid that’s the only name that suits her behavior. And speaking of her behavior, there’s no way it would be tolerated. A high school teacher wouldn’t allow a child to speak to them like that much less Elrond or Gandalf. And yes, she is a child. Or at least she is to Elrond and Gandalf who are both thousands of years old.

Those two would not tolerate any insolence from Kennonomoi and Gandalf certainly wouldn’t allow her to continue to call him “Old Man” or “Gramps”. I understand that she’s a "badass" who’s had a hard life and that you are trying to demonstrate that fact in the way she interacts with people but it’s just not realistic. And it certainly wouldn’t make anyone like her. Her constant disrespect and foul mouth would not endear her to anyone in Middle Earth. In fact, it would make them want to stay as far away from her as possible.

It also doesn’t make her appealing to readers who don’t like to see characters that they admire being belittled or disrespected. Think about it: would you want to be friends with someone who acted as she did? Besides being bad-mannered, having such an attitude with them would be stupid. They are her only life-line in Middle Earth and could easily throw her out of Rivendell with nothing but the clothes on her back and leave her defenseless out in the wild with Orcs. And her violence at The Council would most likely end up with her tossed out on her ass, imprisoned, or dead.

Also, there’s no way that anyone, aside from maybe the hobbits, would be at all frightened by her. Elrond, Legolas, Glorfindel, Gandalf, Elladan, Elrohir, Haldir, Celeborn, all have been training, fighting, and killing for thousands of years. Aragorn, Boromir, and Gimli have also been training and fighting in battles long before she was even born. They’ve faced horrors and done things that Kennonomoi could only dream about so there is no way that they would be even the least bit intimidated. There is also no possible way that she would be able to beat any of them in a fight. She might be able to give them a run for their money if she’s trained long enough, but each and every one of them would win in the end.

You also have her attack Elladan and Elrohir for absolutely no reason. That is one of the worst ideas ever. If someone were to attack the children of the U.S. President with a knife what do you think would happen? They’d be disarmed and imprisoned. The same thing would happen in this instance. Do you think Elrond would tolerate someone attacking his children without provocation, in his own house no less? He wouldn’t. He’s have her weaponless and in chains so fast that her head would spin.

So it would probably be wise to not have her attack Boromir, Elladan, Elrohir, or the Lórien guards. I also think that you should make her drop the “look at me wrong and I’ll kick your ass” persona. Yes, she can be tough. She grew up in a rough neighborhood with an abusive mother. Of course she’d be tough. She can even be a little dangerous. But she wouldn’t be anything compared to the warriors in Middle Earth. So it’d be wise of you to make her a bit more amiable to people and stop trying to prove she’s such a badass.

I’m sorry if I seem harsh, I really don’t mean to be, but these are all points that need to be addressed. I don’t want this review to discourage you from writing. On the contrary, I want you to continue to write, but I want you to do it at the level that I feel you’re capable of so that you can make a story that is realistic and enjoyable for the readers. You don’t HAVE to make the changes I’ve suggested, but I sincerely hope that you do carefully consider all the statements that I’ve made and use what I’ve said to improve your writing. I honestly don’t think you’re a bad writer or that your story is beyond hope. If I did, I wouldn’t have even bothered taking my time to try to help you improve your story.

I think that you have the potential to be a great author and that you do have some genuine talent. I know from personal experience how hard it is to have someone critique your work so harshly but it really is for your own good. So please think about what I’ve said and try to apply it to your writing.
6/22/2008 c17 1Kage Fuschichou
oh oh oh! this was such a great chapter, i can not wait until the next one. please do continue on! XD
6/9/2008 c16 2Darth Demon2
Great chapter
6/9/2008 c1 Kermit
What has any of this have to do with Tolkien's world? Other than to have the opportunity to write the word f.u.c.k repeatedly I mean. Your OC is rude beyond belief. Do you really think that making your character so obnoxious, makes her at all likeable? Do you really believe that Elrond or Gandalf would put up with her mouth?

Frankly, if you understood this fandom at all, you would know that any proper Tolkien character wouldn't have understood one single word she uttered. English isn't spoken in Middle-earth. That's right, even Westron isn't english. So if anyone from our world who just happened to "fall" into Middle-earth, they wouldn't be understood. Let alone your sad little OC who tries to shock with bad language ad nauseam.

If you're serious about writing in this fandom, drop the childish writing and make your OC a little less one dimensional. Because she's not very appealing as written. At least to anyone over the age of 14 that is.

I won't be coming back, because some how I think my critique will be looked upon as a flame and I have little tolerance for whining. So save your outrage and try to listen to what I'm saying. Why? Because there are Tolkien purists who will not hesitate to take you to task in a more definite manner.

Good luck.
6/7/2008 c16 1Kage Fuschichou
i really enjoy your story..it is very well written and the twists are grand..please do continue on with it and update soon. thanks
8/29/2007 c15 Red King
This story has forced it's way on top my top ten list, and I must say that you have created a trully awesome OC. I hope to read more soon.
7/29/2007 c15 Cookie2004
I have to say that i have really enjoy reading this story bee is really funny and i can't help but like her but i wonder who it is she is going to end up with is it somebody in the fellowship i wonder everything else is really good and i can't wait for you to add again
6/17/2007 c15 fivebyfive42
Love love love love love the story. Can't wait to read more, i want to see if she 'accidentaly' kills Haldir. Please update soon!
5/5/2007 c15 Roux
Ah! Good chapter! You really know how to describe blinding anger. I tried once, it didn't go too well...I must admit I like this sort of fanfictions. That you managed to write it so well...bliss, pure bliss. I'm also waiting for the next chappie in the "Keeper of the Dunedain" story. Yeah, so keep up the awesome work! You are writing fanfictions that truly make the a cool place to be.
26 Page 1 2 Next »

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service