Just In
for Wolf's Snow

12/10/2012 c1 8Travis Church

I'm here to return your review!

So first off, I'm really lost when it comes to this style of voice. There are a lot of components to this and I'll try to pinpoint all of them and explain why it gives me this "dizziness."

This dizziness can be explained through the way that you describe things. On one hand, the description is one hand literal and on the other hand metaphoric. When you talk about "searching" I'm not too sure if it's a literal meaning, as in Kiba searching for his friends, or a metaphoric, as in the other people all searching for Paradise. Is there a different kind of searching for different people? What makes Kiba's search different? Obviously, there's a difference but as a reader I am unsure which one you mean for Kiba. Obviously the search is important so you should spend a little bit of time to explain that to your audience. Another example can be seen in the voice that speaks to Kiba. Is the voice his internal sense, that of which controls the mind and memory, or is the voice Cheza? It gets really confusing because you have this sort of dream-like trance going on but we're not really sure what's happening. There's a lack of focus on the individual pieces and that translates into this sensation of disorientation and confusion amongst the reader.

If you make the distinction, there is clarity which enables you to focus in your story and hone into the main character.

Good luck!

Travis Church
5/25/2009 c3 Sherlock Holmes 2009
Your story is a good one and well written. You don't find that much on this site...well as to how to get Toboe to eat the leaf in your story I think I have an idea,maybe have Toboe have something, maybe a heart defect or something, a that requires him to take pills with water. Then have Kiba/Hige get him some water, but they crush the leaf in it. So when Toboe drinks the water he'll remember everything fro his past life. Great start to a story I look forward to reading more in the near future.
2/26/2009 c3 1DreamsDragon
Please Update soon :) Love your story XD
8/19/2008 c3 11Lady Dragon010
how about they meet Tsume in a gang fight. And they get Toboe to eat the petel by puting it into a cookie and giving the cookie to him? Please continue.(Aqua Girl)
3/30/2008 c3 anonymous
I think that Tsume should be the one to suspect drugs, not Hige, but it's still funny.I think that Toboe is so naive that he would just eat he petal if everything was explained to him.
3/23/2008 c3 85wolfsrainrules
AW! COME ON! Ur not leaving it there r u? UPDATE!
12/1/2007 c3 16rataplani
Please Update!
9/21/2006 c3 Black Wolf Jaganshi Lover
Damn, your chapters are short. No offense. I bet you ten bucks Tsume is in a leather store. Or a gun store. Either one fits him. And Blue is working in a detective place! What about the humans That died in the series, like pops and the other two? Are they back as well? Update soon!
7/10/2006 c3 5Max Doe
Wow I haven't watched Wolfs Rain in months. Now I'm going to rewatch it again. I kind of like the whole idea of Kiba and the others being human now and have to find Paradise this time as humans. Going to be hard because hate to say it humans are weak compared to wolves. We can't smell or see far enough. We can't run long distances. We can't howl to tell where were at. We can't heal or eat under the full moon. Wow I want to be a Wolf now.+_+

Anyway good start. For Tobi to eat the flower just force it down his throat. He'll understand.^_^
5/30/2006 c3 15Matt and T.K
er...no idea...but what is the pairing? can cheza come back alive so that there could ba a kibacheza pairing?-Matt
5/21/2006 c3 1Trixters' Muse
I love it so far. Why don't you have Kiba just give him the leaf, telling Toboe that it's candy or something. Can't wait till the update! Ohohohohohoh! I rhymed! Yay me!
5/20/2006 c3 3Jjinks
Who does that with a complete stranger. Sure Kiba and Hige remember who he is and Toboe was always trusting but still. I look forward to finding out who the extra two leaves are for.
5/14/2006 c3 2xX-Jinx-Kaosu-Xx
Hmm...How to make Toboe eat the leaf...Hmm...Can't think of a way right now but if I do and you haven't, I'll tell you.^^

5/14/2006 c2 3Wolf of the Blue Moon
Very good! I had to watch a video on hotdogs at school Friday. Update soon please!
5/8/2006 c2 Ihatenaruto
i hate naruto... but your story is cool!
21 Page 1 2 Next »

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service