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for A princestonwedding story : perfect follow up

7/1/2014 c1 Julieee0721
Hi, r u going to update? If so please update ASAP! Love your the story so far btw.
11/18/2006 c1 30fictionfrek101
i love it update please
9/2/2006 c1 595Ghostwriter
Cool! So cute. Catch ya on the flip side.
7/25/2006 c1 4brenxxduh
aw its gonna be a great story=]
6/21/2006 c1 1RomyGirl123
They better get married soon or I will scream. I'm kidding nice story. I still want them to get married. (I do an evil laugh)
4/20/2006 c1 58snappleapple518
it just seemed kind of um... scrambled?
3/29/2006 c1 16Shelb
cool, update soon!
2/12/2006 c1 28JustWriter2
Your grammar needs some major work. I'd even have trouble making this story sound good. Sorry, I'm just not feeling the love.

2/4/2006 c1 Cecile
c'était un monocoup si mignon! Peut-être vous devriez le continuer et transformer en quelque chose de plus long que ce qui est déjà il. Le Grand Travail! Cecile
1/26/2006 c1 mishowl24
i am biased. *sighs* i am sorry. i read your reviews first. my bad.

first - i do editing for a living and i have been doing it for the past, what, five months. and i can't help but notice your word usage and keep mixing some homonyms up. spelling, grammar, punctuation - please review.

second - you literally made it a SHORT story. when you write one, you have to build your story up... a process. can't explain that well but it would be like warm it up first, create a "highlight" or climax of the story, then ease your way again down, creating this impact that would really affect your readers. you only ended up on the "warming up" stage. build it up more... i can see what you're trying to picture and what you wanted to happen in your story. don't be afraid to write... write descriptions, BE the character, put yourself in your characters' shoes, imagine what they wanted to say and do... and write it.

oh well, never mind me. my nose is runny and i just needed a break. that's all. i am actually working, editing... and i needed an ice breaker. hope to see more of your works soon... write more, practice more... who knows... :)
1/19/2006 c1 porkchop101
This story is really great you really need to review soon!
1/15/2006 c1 2champagne mocha
You know, A CINDERELLA STORY isn't one of my favorite movies, but I liked it alright, that's why I seriously don't like your fan fic so far. There are way too many things wrong with it.

One - Spelling and Grammar. Too many mistakes. You can't spell simple words like 'there', 'marriage' and 'their'. Even if English isn't your first language there are spell check systems available at mostly any other website and I'd strongly suggest you'd use them.

Two – the length. This was three paragraphs long. The first paragraph is nearly inexistent, by the way. When writing fics, making long chapter is one of the keys to the success.

Three - Spaces and punctuation. It's good to put the lines said by different characters in different paragraphs and also to space them out from the third person narrative. You just write everything in the same line and it gets confusing to make out who's saying what. Also, there's a serious lack of commas, dots and capitalization.

Four – the plot. They're going to get married, ok. But he had to wait THREE years to say 'I love you' to her? And when he did he had a wedding ring and a marriage proposal? Seriously, most people say 'I love you' way before they start thinking about getting married, since love is one of the basic things you need in order to get married. Especially if you're a guy. And why did he decide to marry her? Did he just wake up and decide that? Or did he trip in the middle of the street one day and a light bulb went on and he said to himself ‘hey, let’s marry Sam! Why not?’?

Five - the title. It's 'PRINCETON' and not 'Princeston'. If the university is going to play a major role in your story, as you make it seem simply by the summary, I suggest you check the name's spelling. Although it shouldn't really be necessary. What's so hard about spelling Princeton’s name, one of the top universities in the USA? Not to mention the name was mentioned and shown throughout the movie at least in three different occasions if I remember it correctly. And the use of ‘perfect follow up’ also bugs me a little. How can you know it’s perfect? What’s perfect for you may not be perfect for others. Maybe you should’ve just said ‘a follow up’ or use some other adjective.

Six - the summary. I only read your story because there are only other five in the A CINDERELLA STORY category and I happened to feel like reading fics about Sam and Austin. Or just about Austing. Or whatever. And because 17 reviews to one chapter is pretty impressive in my opinion. But the truth is that your summary didn’t really spark my interest. Especially when you put 'lol' in it and says it's a good story. You may think it's a good story, but the readers are the ones that actually decide that.

Seven - character depth. So far, Sam and Austin are extremely Shallow. I agree with the reviewer that said they're similar to Barbie and Ken in your story. They have nothing in their minds other than the love for each other, their friends, their school... it's all too perfect and that's hardly realistic. I'm not saying they can't be happy, what I'm saying is that they're very out of character. And most people don’t have everything worked out like that. You make it sound as though Sam and Austin did absolutely nothing to conquer the good things you claim they have now.

Eight - background. Hum, there isn't much. You just skipped three years of their lives in Princeton (not Princeston) and all you could tell us about it is that they met lots of new people, they have the perfect roommates and kept in touch with some old folks, maturing in the process? Well, I can hardly understand how they've matured so much just by doing that. I mean, a few of my friends are in college, met lots of new people, have regular rommates and kept in touch with old friends, and some of the guys still behave like brainless 17-year-olds. It takes more than knowing people to mature.

I’m sorry if I offended you in anyway, but I’m just trying to help you to upgrade your writing style. And I wasn’t as ofensive as other reviewers that didn’t like your story. If you want any help or ideas or anything, just drop me a message! I know it may sound mean to offer help after just pointing out everything wrong in your fic, but I had to be honest.

On a good note, at least you keep your narration in the same person all the time. Like, you’re writing in third person and you keep that. Sometimes a few authors write fics in the third person and let first person remarks slip into their text or vice-versa.
1/5/2006 c1 1horselovr91
I love it keep writing
1/4/2006 c1 weave my love around you
wow lovely beginning. Please write some more.
1/1/2006 c1 9Connor Kent
great story! i saw these three stories all alone and i had to read a quick one. Well i like what your doing with it and i think you should continue. About that "123" person and "person that is annoyed" reviewers. You don't have to take that. Just delete their review. Go to reviews and go to the delete section. You could figure it out by that.
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