for Heart of the Benders1/27/2008 c8 
14Stills and Photographs
Oh, I got really excited and thought you had updated. =[
Oh, and if you wanted someone to beta the previous chapters for spelling/grammar after you revise them, I'd be happy to, love.
14Stills and PhotographsOh, I got really excited and thought you had updated. =[
Oh, and if you wanted someone to beta the previous chapters for spelling/grammar after you revise them, I'd be happy to, love.
4/14/2007 c4 Aurora Kelly
Hey, good chapter. That part about call me Brooklyn, was that from the movie NEWSIES. Cause it sure sounded like that. Keep writing!
Hey, good chapter. That part about call me Brooklyn, was that from the movie NEWSIES. Cause it sure sounded like that. Keep writing!
4/14/2007 c3 Aurora Kelly
I like the story, but there r a lot of spelling errors. try proofreading. Keep going, it's getting intresting .
I like the story, but there r a lot of spelling errors. try proofreading. Keep going, it's getting intresting .
4/13/2007 c7 2Lady Sayomi
alright, you need to be a bit more careful in your writing. some things in this story would never be found in avatar! like in chapter four, I found references to a 'ball' and 'dresses that looked like they were from macy's'. Ha, i don't normally see those in atla fanfics. and DONT rush the zuko/mary sue romance. take it slow, otherwise it will be totally unbelievable. zuko's a complicated guy...a week with a girl won't change his emotions. just be careful.
on the brighter side, your grammar is good and there are no spelling mistakes. i think you are a good writer, keep it up!
2Lady Sayomialright, you need to be a bit more careful in your writing. some things in this story would never be found in avatar! like in chapter four, I found references to a 'ball' and 'dresses that looked like they were from macy's'. Ha, i don't normally see those in atla fanfics. and DONT rush the zuko/mary sue romance. take it slow, otherwise it will be totally unbelievable. zuko's a complicated guy...a week with a girl won't change his emotions. just be careful.
on the brighter side, your grammar is good and there are no spelling mistakes. i think you are a good writer, keep it up!
4/13/2007 c7 Adverk
One point you have in your favor is the rare skill known as "coherence", which some of your reviewers, however, do not possess.
However, I do not take very kindly to stories that go along the lines of "sucked into the Avatar's world". Zuko's Flamethrower was being a bit too vague with her review, so I'll narrow it down.
"you have demonstrated by this...same old fantasy that no one cares about"
The plot device involving "mysteriously" appearing in the Avatarverse under "mysterious" circumstances is old.
"that you are...ignorant of Avatarverse canon"
Be a bit careful here. Good stories, as a rule, adhere strictly to the Canon which the story was set in.
"and your fanfic has caused this flame because of its... disregard of the Avatarverse which the story is set, disregard and lack of knowledge of canon, lack of plot, clichés, insertion of yourself into the Avatarverse, So-called original characters which are actually poorly-disguised self-inserts"
They point to one thing: the self-insertion of those girls.
"All of this is so unbearable that...
-I wanted to gouge my eyes out with a rusty spork after I read your story
-I was left with the deep urge to vomit (preferably on you)
-my cries of horror and indignation were heard halfway across town
-the canon characters would probably kill themselves (or you) if they read this fic
-you should never be allowed near a keyboard again
-all fans of the Avatar fandom are screaming and writhing in pain
-DiMartino and Koneitzko will set their lawyers on you."
Ignore this part.
"As penance, you must...take down this story at once, or expect more flames"
You might need to consider doing that. It's extremely difficult to salvage Insertion stories.
"In closing, I'd like to say...don't post a fanfic before you've had it beta-read by someone who knows better than you. The genre of people getting sucked onto the Avatarverse is old shit. It should be avoided at all costs."
Self-explanatory.
You're good at spelling, and for a cliche-fic, it was actually quite decent. However, it's still a cliche.
Some of your other stories are quite good. I especially enjoyed "Dance No More". Maybe you should stick to that style of writing.
Your attention is appreciated.
One point you have in your favor is the rare skill known as "coherence", which some of your reviewers, however, do not possess.
However, I do not take very kindly to stories that go along the lines of "sucked into the Avatar's world". Zuko's Flamethrower was being a bit too vague with her review, so I'll narrow it down.
"you have demonstrated by this...same old fantasy that no one cares about"
The plot device involving "mysteriously" appearing in the Avatarverse under "mysterious" circumstances is old.
"that you are...ignorant of Avatarverse canon"
Be a bit careful here. Good stories, as a rule, adhere strictly to the Canon which the story was set in.
"and your fanfic has caused this flame because of its... disregard of the Avatarverse which the story is set, disregard and lack of knowledge of canon, lack of plot, clichés, insertion of yourself into the Avatarverse, So-called original characters which are actually poorly-disguised self-inserts"
They point to one thing: the self-insertion of those girls.
"All of this is so unbearable that...
-I wanted to gouge my eyes out with a rusty spork after I read your story
-I was left with the deep urge to vomit (preferably on you)
-my cries of horror and indignation were heard halfway across town
-the canon characters would probably kill themselves (or you) if they read this fic
-you should never be allowed near a keyboard again
-all fans of the Avatar fandom are screaming and writhing in pain
-DiMartino and Koneitzko will set their lawyers on you."
Ignore this part.
"As penance, you must...take down this story at once, or expect more flames"
You might need to consider doing that. It's extremely difficult to salvage Insertion stories.
"In closing, I'd like to say...don't post a fanfic before you've had it beta-read by someone who knows better than you. The genre of people getting sucked onto the Avatarverse is old shit. It should be avoided at all costs."
Self-explanatory.
You're good at spelling, and for a cliche-fic, it was actually quite decent. However, it's still a cliche.
Some of your other stories are quite good. I especially enjoyed "Dance No More". Maybe you should stick to that style of writing.
Your attention is appreciated.
4/12/2007 c7 14Stills and Photographs
I really liked this chapter. it was good. It was really good. But I must speak my mind, here.
I'm not sure I liked the first-person POV. Especially since the other chapters are all in third person. And I think Zuko was very OoC. He'd never take that crap from his uncle. He doesn't really give a crap what his uncle thinks in the first season, when this is set. But I don't discriminate. i liked this chapter.
NEXT BOOK IS COMING! WH00T! PWNAGE! HOORAY!
Xo
o.f.o.t.d
(the real Ange)
(loves
you)
14Stills and PhotographsI really liked this chapter. it was good. It was really good. But I must speak my mind, here.
I'm not sure I liked the first-person POV. Especially since the other chapters are all in third person. And I think Zuko was very OoC. He'd never take that crap from his uncle. He doesn't really give a crap what his uncle thinks in the first season, when this is set. But I don't discriminate. i liked this chapter.
NEXT BOOK IS COMING! WH00T! PWNAGE! HOORAY!
Xo
o.f.o.t.d
(the real Ange)
(loves
you)
4/12/2007 c1 lostwritor
omg. i love the horses but i just had to point this out. do you know how long a hand is? 5 inches. the LARGEST a pony can get is 14.3 hh. meaning some of the horses in your story are like, dog size. just pointing that out but otherwise, it's great!
omg. i love the horses but i just had to point this out. do you know how long a hand is? 5 inches. the LARGEST a pony can get is 14.3 hh. meaning some of the horses in your story are like, dog size. just pointing that out but otherwise, it's great!
11/17/2006 c6 5Neassa
Yay! You updated! ^_^
'Zuko made a point not to talk to his uncle.' That's a great line, it really is.
I just saw the newest episode, and I have to say, it's one of my favorites, I can't wait until the next one! *squeals into a throw pillow* No, I'm not a fangirl, I'm a shipper; but when I get excited I squeal. 'Nuff said. Anywho, update again soon please!
5NeassaYay! You updated! ^_^
'Zuko made a point not to talk to his uncle.' That's a great line, it really is.
I just saw the newest episode, and I have to say, it's one of my favorites, I can't wait until the next one! *squeals into a throw pillow* No, I'm not a fangirl, I'm a shipper; but when I get excited I squeal. 'Nuff said. Anywho, update again soon please!
11/17/2006 c6 6Grey Grapevines
Yata! You updated! saah, I thought you abandoned this too. Hazaahh! Iroh will teach Prince Zuko manners!...Again! ^_^ Well if you plan to update (which I hope you do), you should know that I will know! Update when you can, bye!
P.S hm... I'm sure you can read a book or something to kill time; like the divinchi code! (i spelt that wrong, im sure), or... Read the dictionary? *shrugs* I do that... hm... nvm, reading doesnt seem so appealing anymore, try watching some action packed anime! Or Comedy! ... I'll shut up now.
O^_^O
6Grey GrapevinesYata! You updated! saah, I thought you abandoned this too. Hazaahh! Iroh will teach Prince Zuko manners!...Again! ^_^ Well if you plan to update (which I hope you do), you should know that I will know! Update when you can, bye!
P.S hm... I'm sure you can read a book or something to kill time; like the divinchi code! (i spelt that wrong, im sure), or... Read the dictionary? *shrugs* I do that... hm... nvm, reading doesnt seem so appealing anymore, try watching some action packed anime! Or Comedy! ... I'll shut up now.
O^_^O
11/5/2006 c5 5Neassa
Oh my gosh, I read your reviews and let me tell you that that 'ZF' person really needs an attitude adjustment. I studied that reviews and I couldn't see one bad thing that person mentioned that you put in your story. Then I went and read their profile and my eyes started tearing from all the stuff they think is justified. Seriously, I nearly cried. Just because they think something might need improvement doesn't mean you should flame after just the first chapter! I mean hello people get a life! Read the whole story and you'll see some cool stuff! I feel your pain, just last week I found out that my fic was severely bashed by someone on the LJ community('sue_hell' I believe.) and I wanted to snap and go on a killing spree because they did that after just reading the first chap(which was my worst one)! My point is, don't let someone who thinks they know everything bother you when nothing they said is justified or even makes sense. This is a really good story that shouldn't be stopped! I love it!
Anyways, this is the part where I tell you what I liked about your fic! I really like how your story is from one point of view and doesn't switch periodically. I also like how you have Reya constantly annoy Zuko with her Spanish and how she hangs around with Iroh. It's so much fun that way! This is a really funny story, I've read some other 'sucked into' stories and this is the first one where I can really say 'I APPROVE!' and mentally give you an award.
Well, I'm gonna go look around some more, but please update soon! I'm hoping my review balances out whatever sadness/anger that stupid 'ZF' person left behind, even though I'm about five months late with the encouragement. PLEASE UPDATE SOON!
5NeassaOh my gosh, I read your reviews and let me tell you that that 'ZF' person really needs an attitude adjustment. I studied that reviews and I couldn't see one bad thing that person mentioned that you put in your story. Then I went and read their profile and my eyes started tearing from all the stuff they think is justified. Seriously, I nearly cried. Just because they think something might need improvement doesn't mean you should flame after just the first chapter! I mean hello people get a life! Read the whole story and you'll see some cool stuff! I feel your pain, just last week I found out that my fic was severely bashed by someone on the LJ community('sue_hell' I believe.) and I wanted to snap and go on a killing spree because they did that after just reading the first chap(which was my worst one)! My point is, don't let someone who thinks they know everything bother you when nothing they said is justified or even makes sense. This is a really good story that shouldn't be stopped! I love it!
Anyways, this is the part where I tell you what I liked about your fic! I really like how your story is from one point of view and doesn't switch periodically. I also like how you have Reya constantly annoy Zuko with her Spanish and how she hangs around with Iroh. It's so much fun that way! This is a really funny story, I've read some other 'sucked into' stories and this is the first one where I can really say 'I APPROVE!' and mentally give you an award.
Well, I'm gonna go look around some more, but please update soon! I'm hoping my review balances out whatever sadness/anger that stupid 'ZF' person left behind, even though I'm about five months late with the encouragement. PLEASE UPDATE SOON!