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for A Father's Love

1/4/2012 c1 Guest
6/24/2007 c1 TheAzureDolphin
It's Oba-chan! She seems more sane here though. Not sure if Draco's OOC or not; never paid him much attention. XD Pretty good, all in all!
1/27/2007 c1 22Zalein
I think Draco's character was stretched slightly in that he flared up too strongly, too quickly at her questions. "Angry, he threw her off and shouted, “Why? I don’t have to stand here answering..." I think Draco might have spoken loudly, but if he'd shouted, his shouts might have drawn people's attention. Hogwarts is a place packed full of students; at the very least his shout would have attracted attention.

I thought your portrayal of Morgana was interesting. At first, I was a bit confused, since I had been expecting to see real-world-Tsucasa or something. When the girl's identity was revealed, my confusion was cleared away. :)

Nice fic!
1/21/2007 c1 26Miss. Miyazawa
Draco was pretty OOC and I didn't get the crossover thing, but it was a nice concept.
11/16/2006 c1 3watercircle
*chuckle* That was interesting. How experimental of you. ^^ Isn't it just awesome that you can cross over pretty much ANYTHING? No, not pretty much anything, anything. Period.

I'm only half-way through the .Hack/Sign series (and have been for six months now...) so forgive me about not being able to give you deeper feedback on the .Hack side. . But, if I ever actually finish the series, I'll be sure to come back and read the rest of your fics.

The beginning was cute. I like Harry looking all indignant when Draco was like, "anything to get away from this attention-seeker." Funny! I can imagine the look on Harry's face... It makes me giggle.

I love, love, love the fics that talk about Draco's relationship with his father. It's like... blind devotion or a sense of duty that keeps Draco wanting to follow in his father's footsteps. The actual books make Draco out to be the unredeemable, evil kid figure, but I always hoped he'd come around. The last book has me hoping for a twelfth-hour redemption! Anyway... I digress.

Draco is a bit ooc, especially when he's so quick to stick around when Morgana starts having her little pity party. But I think it's forgivable because it's such a short piece and you certainly can't drag this one conversation on for the many chapters it would take to get Draco to come around. ^^

I also want to say that your dialog is very good. It's quick and well-written with just enough narration to let us know what's going on in the scene.

But watch your adverbs! There are so many times where the characters say "said (adverb)." Such as: "Draco said flatly." Adverbs (and, yes, adjectives too) kill sentences. They imply that the words are too weak to stand on their own and need support. Instead of plopping an adverb after “said,” let the feeling manifest in WHAT the character says and HOW he says it.

Kya sorry to get all critical on you! haha it's just what I do. I read something and I can't help but critique (it's my Fiction I persona)! Forgive me. T.T I know this is an earlier piece too so I really shouldn't be so mean.

Keep writing, okay? Your stories are certainly some of the more readable on this website which puts you way above average. ^^ Thanks for the read!
11/13/2006 c1 5imkikyo
*omfg fangirl sque*

That. Was. AWESOME. I thought the girl was Tsukasa right until the end, it's written extremely well.

I could criticize Morganna's relation to Aura and Harald, but for the sake of the story, I'll keep my mouth shut.
1/9/2006 c1 Guest
Interesting story. You should write more!
1/4/2006 c1 AuraTwilight
Well I have to say. That story was simply fantastic. Magnificent. You kept me guessing who the girl was until the end of the story (I thought it was Tsukasa for a second.) But your portrayal of both Morganna and Draco was simply fantastic. Thank you. THANK YOU, for such a wonderful story, and keep writing.

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