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2/22/2006 c1 DebsTheSnapeFan
great story its amazing, also I have to do it this way, i do not have the time to give everyone PM! you need to wait two minutes!

Hey,

DEBS THE SNAPE FAN HERE. AUTHOR OF SEPERATED TWINS MY LIFE BROTHERS LOVE AND MANY MORE.

i just want to tell you that I am back up and running! thanks for listening, link below and goodbye.

You have read one of my story at one point or another
2/21/2006 c1 32Jedi-Bant
Oh...so sad and yet it leaves a fuzzy feeling, ya know what i mean?

One thing though, in your summery you have written NonCan or something similar, you might want to revise this as it looks like NonCon at first glace and many people will skip past it and miss a great fic.

Great work.

lov

JEDI_BANT
1/11/2006 c1 46AvocadoLove
You know, all I can really say is that by labeling it Non-Canon it's like you get to think you can duck out of things that would normally be a logical sequence of events in a story, you know?

Lord Voldie? Tommy, Tommy, Tommy?

This isn't even Non-Canon Harry Potter. This is some other dude, a dude that is annoying and whom I cannot even relate towards.

And I gotta ask... why even bother having a slash relationship if you're going to make the other guy pregnant to begin with? That's the major difference between boys and girls, if you can remember. Boys cannot get pregnant. Girls can. As far as I remember Snape wasn't a girl. I know you warned with MalePreg and there are some real good MalePreg's done... this wasn't one of them.

Everything just happened so... fast. It was so anti-climiatic. It was like, Harry did this and this. Then he died. Then he watched this and this happen. The end! Review please!

Even one-shots can have a little backstory to them. They can make a little sense if you take the time and try to at least have some respect for your reader.

My advice in the future would be that next time you want to write a one shot like this, put it in a timeline format. Then try to break it up into two or three chapters that are at least double the length of what this fic is. You may come up with something good.
1/10/2006 c1 ViciousMan
Well, your story is not very good. The concept is terrible, so the entire fic should be scrapped.

1. "“Hello Lord Voldie, How are you this fine day. Enjoying watching you’re oh so loyal slaves do your dirty work?” I ask in a mocking tone." - Voldemort doesn't have slaves, and Harry doesn't call him "Voldie".

2. "“Tommy, Tommy, Tommy,” I said in a patronizing tone “don’t you get it yet? I will never join you as long as there is breath in my body, or even after it. My heart and soul already belongs to someone and it always will. I will stay faithful to him no matter if he dies or I die. But enough of this, it is time for you to die Tommy, for my beloved will be free of you soon.”"

Okay, where the hell did you come up with "Tommy"? And Voldemort does not want Harry as his lover. Your fic is automatically bad if you mess with characterization.

3. "Slowly his body stopped convulsing and his ruby eyes glazed over with the look of death and I smiled. Raising my arms I shouted for all to hear “The Dark Lord is dead! His reign of terror is at and end, all those who supported him die tonight!”"

And where the hell is Harry's audience?

4. "May the rest of your life bring you happiness. It’s too bad that I won’t live to see it, so give me one last moment.” And I leaned down and gave you a swift kiss but you pulled my closer deepening the kiss until I reluctantly pulled away “Severus,” I said “I love you and I always will, and I will wait for you for all of eternity, but I used all my strength battling, my death approaches in moments and all I have, I give to you, may you find happiness and peace in your time that is left. My magic is almost used up and it’s the only thing keeping me alive. Goodbye my love.” And with that I collapsed into his arms dead before I even landed."

Uhm, no, this is not believable at all.
1/9/2006 c1 1Sporker
*wheezing laughter*

*wheezing laughter again, tries to makes honest review with concrit including the fact that the use of the monikers "Tommy" and "Lord Voldie" render this fic utterfly hilarious, which ruins the whole description of "Tragedy"*

*can't*

*wheezing laughter again*

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