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6/15 c51 Cheepir
Beautifully edited chapter! I really, really loved the revised fight between Bill and Draco. The increased anger on Bill's part is so apt and Draco's vulnerability was heartbreaking. And how it all ties in to the end of this chapter - makes me hold my breath for Bill and pray that he'll succeed at winning Draco back. It's gonna be a big challenge!
6/14 c51 brianaangel
As always what an amazing chapter. Although Bill is understanding of Draco’s life, the conflict between Draco and Bill seemed inevitable with their starkly different backgrounds. What an amazing way to showcase each of their characters. Keep up the good work!
6/2 c51 3Catnipob
Another great re write, I love how much more you've put into Bills gradual mental decline.
Big question though, but are you still going to include the fight with the trio? I love that scene, it seems a shame for it to be lost entirely!
Xxx
6/1 c51 L-77-L
Excellent—I always look forward to these updates. This new version of the argument was gripping, and Bill’s fragile state was better established and more meaningful in this storyline. Love the “dragon is raging” part!
6/1 c51 DuchessOfSpud
Not gonna lie, while the Neutral Party idea seems to be a bust, I’m actually really hoping that Draco somehow manages to make it work. He could really use it, along with a lot of other students I’m sure...

I though my the argument between Draco and Bill was very well done. Not that the original was bad, but this time around it really seemed to pack a punch! And I like how you brought notice to the fact that Draco really tried to help Bill, calm things down, and stop the fight from happening! And I think what Bill said this time around was a lot more in character and really made sense thanks to the earlier changes!

And damn did reading Draco break down by the lake make my chest hurt... That scene really know where to hit! Watching him attempt to plan around his feeling of pain and betrayal really was hard to read. At one point, when it was mention how his throat hurt, I was thinking, “Man, I’m surprised he hasn’t started crying yet.” And then I immediately after that thought, “Oh damn, I forgot! He CAN’T cry!” Not gonna lie, just remembering that small little fact just made me feel worse for him...

Since I have read the previous version multiple times before (though not recently as I don’t want to confuse anything with the new chapters), I can pretty well remember everything that happens. And let me tell you, it it was with a sense of dread and foreboding that I read this chapter. Just seeing things play out and the little things that start to go wrong, particularly for Draco this chapter, really just gets ten times worse when I KNOW what’s waiting for them... Even when Charlie finally catches a break after such a rough time, I couldn’t help but feel it was bittersweet to watch Fleur comfort him because I know that it would be too late to keep Draco from snapping.

Once again fantastic job! I can’t wait to see the “raging dragon” play out! Not gonna lie, it’s actually one of my favorites parts in the old version. That probably doesn’t make any sense, but I just loved seeing it all play out! I always found it incredibly interesting and entertaining to read! Even with the knowledge that it’s because Draco is hurting, I just couldn’t help but love it! I’m sure this time around will be just as much fun to read, even if you change some things! Keep up the good work!
6/1 c51 girlonthem00n
A few weeks ago I binged your updated version of this story up to the last chapter. I've read your original version (each story in the series) several times and the series is hands down my favorite but I am loving this rewrite. You have become a better and better writer over the years and it's been so great seeing the story progress along with your own skill. The rewrite is SO good. You've really done an excellent job reworking parts and removing elements and fine-tuning everything. I am looking forward to the next chapter as it was always one of my favorite parts. I also love that you are still working on this series after all of these years.

PS. if you ever get another rewriting itch, Discomfort and Joy is another top fav of mine. I always hoped you would expand that story as I really enjoyed the camaraderie between Kingsley and Draco.
5/26 c1 9TheFreedomSock
hey! I'm aware that this story is pretty old at this point, but I've really loved this whole story and several other of your stories for years now, and I've heard that it's very likely that will be shutting down soon, do you have another platform where I can find your work in future? have you considered backing up your fics on AO3? I'd really love it if your stories weren't lost
5/13 c50 2Madame Mermaid
Hello there,

apologies for the delay - I really must start reviewing right after the first read, when it's all still fresh on my mind and I'm immersed in the story, but I usually read your updates late at night or in between classes, and that timing is rather adverse to extensive reviews. Plus, the Frühjahrsmüdigkeit has really hit me this year. Is there a word for that phenomenon in English? It's what we call the tiredness a lot of people feel at the beginning of spring due to changing weather and temperatures, and spending more time out of doors, and the godforsaken pollen getting everywhere. Makes me really sleepy. -.-

Since it's been so long since you posted this (two weeks! - Sorry again...), I'll just jump around in the chapter to the points I really enjoyed, and the ones I'm wondering about:

1. Mirabelle - obviously. (I always want to write Miravel, since I once created an OC for a Star Wars FF by that name (never posted the story, alas...), so it's really confusing to be typing the French version of the name - just so you know, in case I misspell her at some point, which is bound to happen...) I admit, I should have seen that one coming, since the original scene included the virgin sacrifice, and for all that we don't know anything about her in that regard, Mirabelle fits the bill of young, beautiful (presumably) and female. (Btw, I absolutely agree with your comment on not making virginity a point of importance here - no changing the fact that Mirabelle is young and female (plus, young somewhat goes with morally innocent (aka no Avadas etc.), which I guess is a requirement?), but if an opportunity presents itself to break with those stereotypes as well, I'm all for it.) I had, however, assumed you would like to keep her until later in the story (or stories), since she presented something of a rival for Lucius' affections to Draco (if not in reality, then at least in his mind). Plus, she would have made an excellent spy or double agent, someone we could never be sure of - working for Lucius, for the Dark Lord, or for someone else entirely? Which is not meant to criticise the way you used her here, which sets up a different venue of possibilities, but only meant to explain why I did not think of this outcome - and since I like to be surprised, it's just as well. :-)

So, Miravel sacrifices herself voluntarily in a deal with the Dark Lord, who really just wants to prove his superiority to Lucius - it's tragic, as you say, that she is so deeply inundated by doctrine, and by her experiences so far, that she cannot see how she is being used as a mere pawn in a powerplay by two cold-hearted strategists here. For all that I regret losing her character in this story, you definitely used her death to maximum effect, namely to show us both the Dark Lord's and Lucius' different brands of ruthlessness, and how the ruthless decision to let a young woman sacrifice herself affects Bill emotionally, both contributing to his general feelings of anxiety and depression, and making him feel wary of not just Lucius, but Draco by proxy. The construction of the scene between Voldemort, Lucius and Mirabelle was a thing of art, very believable and all the more sad for watching the girl being shuffled across the board by two men who, for all that Lucius wants to help her, couldn't care less in the end - she is not important enough for Lucius to risk his position. Very well played, indeed.

The aftermath leaves me wondering at the consequences for Lucius' relationship with Draco, for he must see the risk in introducing Draco to the Death Eaters - in doing so, he will be giving Voldemort another hostage, so to speak, to threaten when Lucius seems to become too independent again. I also wonder whether Lucius really wants Draco to be indoctrinated in that way, or rather, whether he won't think more favourably of Draco's idea of a neutral party now. At the same time, of course, he's still Lucius - for all that his notions are perhaps less extreme than Voldemorts, he's still a believer in pureblood superiority (if only to preserve his position of power in society), and has tied his fortune to Voldemort for now. Thus, he'll expect his son to follow his lead - and he obviously knows, objectively speaking, that there is no way for him to disentangle Draco from Death Eater society and still keep the Dark Lord's favor. I also think that Lucius, even were he to know that Draco is a genius, is still enough of a traditional patriarch to expect obedience of his son - he's too used to soft power and pulling strings to give that up, even to give Draco his freedom of decision.

Thus, while I think Lucius might actually understand Draco's decision at the end of this story all the better now, I also believe he'll feel the betrayal more deeply, for I expect that Lucius will have come up with a scheme of his own to keep Draco somewhat safe, and expected Draco to follow his lead. At the same time, Draco hearing about Mirabelle's fate also sets up a few possibilities, depending on who tells him about it and how. On the one hand, Lucius trying to save Miravel might re-enforce the jealously Draco felt upon hearing about Lucius teaching her the Cruciatus, something the Dark Lord would try to do to drive a wedge between the two. On the other hand, Lucius stepping back, rather than making the effort to rescue Miravel, might underline what Draco himself says (and believes) at a later point in the stories, to the effect that Lucius values himself first, then his money and status and traditions, then nothing for a long time, and then his son (can't remember exactly how and where you wrote this, but I'm sure you remember the line...), thus estranging the two even more and giving Draco another reason to escape.

Thus, for all that I would have enjoyed a longer engagement, I applaud the way you made use of Mirabelle here, and am looking forward to the effects this will have on the rest of the story. :-)

2. The Quidditch scene, or rather, Ginny. Simply put, the changes you made to the scene have been an amazing improvement. :-) This is, of course, partly due simply to the fact that you know where you're going, storywise. Still, there's so many details in it, compared to the rather short attack in the first version - you've really made use of the event here, instead of just setting up another attack because really, there has to be one, in the first version. While the changes to the dialogue between Harry, Draco and Warrington aren't huge, they make the play-by-play more realistic - and it's really wonderful to watch Draco set up the thrashing of Warrington's reputation here without insulting him to his face. Ginny recognising the strategy is just the icing on the cake - it also tells us more about her character, namely her ability to read between the lines and be amused by it, an awareness which she wouldn't have if not for her brush-in with Tom Riddle. It's rather ironic that this ability to appreciate not just subtlety, but manipulation, is what makes Draco notice here - and it's nice to see you setting up the beginning of their interest in each other early on.

What's also very telling is Draco trying to contain the flames without even thinking about it - it goes a long way to show that for all his egoistical and calculating ways, he's not nearly as far gone into darkness as everyone (himself included) seems to think. At the same time, the fact that he's unable to do so helps to counter the impression of omnipotence he gave in the first installment of the stories - for all his genius and power, Draco is still a student, and has a ways to go before he'll be the next Dumbledore. You've also made the fire more dangerous and dramatic - mostly to up the ante on Bill's anxiety due to Ginny's injuries, I guess. But Draco's detective analysis of what kind of fire this is, and what this means regarding the caster and their intent, is a useful secondary effect, storywise, in telling us more about the Dark Lord's agent in the school, their powers and their mission. I also wonder how Lucius will react to the news of this unexpected attack, and that his son was almost killed in the process - will this deepen the rift between him and the Dark Lord, or lead to Lucius regaining some power by making the Dark Lord punish someone else for risking Draco's life? And since I'm guessing that someone would be Claire, would that then make her resend Draco more?

On a side note, it was rather nice how Madame Pomfrey treated Draco somewhat affectionately, as she probably would most other students, though at the same time sad that it's only due to the impressions she gained while he was drugged out of his mind. At the same time, I both understand and feel sorry for Draco, who has grown up so unused to friendliness that it makes him distrustful of any show of kindness.

3. The meeting of the neutral party. Nothing much to say here, except that I love the direction you've taken - it turns the token debate of the first installment into a new and useful way of looking at the different sides students (and adults) might (not) want to take in this war, adding a layer between extremes that we don't see in the books. Plus, it's always fun to watch Draco play a crowd - and I still like Goldstein, who is intelligent enough to recognise Draco does things for his own gain and come up with one explanation for why Draco wants a neutral party at school, if not the correct one.

So much for chapter 19, revised. As for the revision of chapter 20 - ohhh, we have that confrontation coming up. :-D I really wonder how that will play out, given all the added information you've included this second time around. I also wonder wether it'll go deeper, last longer this time, so to speak - they managed to hurt each other pretty badly the first time around, and for some reason, I expect the hits to be even more surgically precise this time, which is ridiculous, since it can't get much worse without being irredeemable, can it? Plus, I still love the idea of Draco's temper tantrums, and I recognise that he uses them as power plays, as well - but in hindsight, the way you described Draco's fight with Harry and Ron, and his reaction as a whole, feels somewhat childish. Then again, as I so often say, he is still a teenager, for all he's a genius.

Thus, as you can see, great expectations, but I'm really not all that clear on what I expect. ;-) You'll figure out a way to surprise us, I'm sure. The only thing I did wonder at, for all that I get where you're coming from and why Bill has to be the one to feel remorse regarding their argument, is Bill begin his self-reflection on the argument and why it hurt Draco so badly so fast. For all that he's the adult, I'd have expected his feelings of resentment to last longer, or at least for him to keep feeling a bit wary of Draco. But perhaps that's just me.

Anyway, have fun writing, and I'll get to the PM soon. All the best,
Madame Mermaid
5/12 c47 6planesinthesky
I rather enjoyed this chapter and didn't find anything to critique about Bill's arguments. But I did find something odd in those numbers: the lack of any mention of the overwhelming number of Muggles who would definitely be killed or enslaved if Voldemort won. Shouldn't that be a factor too in their debate? It's natural that Draco wouldn't consider it important enough, wouldn't even think of them, probably, but Bill should.
Anyway, not a criticism, just another angle that I'd thought of, because the numbers had really startled me too before I remembered this.
5/9 c1 Jolina Darcy
Dear Aduro!

Please check your inbox. My name is
4/27 c50 2Vaccinatedk
I hadn’t read this story when it came out initially, but wow, I enjoyed it very much! I read all four in a week - do you have any plans to finish #4 as well?
4/27 c50 brianaangel
As always top notch chapter. I am a DG fan so I was glad to see Ginny more in this chapter even if brief. Thank you for another stellar update. Can’t wait to read more.
4/20 c50 DuchessOfSpud
So I’m sort of writing this review as I read. I’m really just jotting things down as I notice them, so don’t be surprised if this review seems all over the place!
First of all, I am living for the extra interactions between Draco and Ginny! That was one thing from the previous version that I wish there had been more of!
I also love how you’ve delved more deeply into how the attack really affected Bill! There’s a lot more detail this time that helps really drive the point that not only could his siblings have died and he’s scared for them, but a huge part of him blames himself.
I’m also seeing more of that wedge being built between Draco and Bill that’s just waiting for the hammer to drive it in! Which reminds me that I really like how much deeper you’re delving into the Death Eater meetings and how Bill’s spy work is affecting him as well! You can really feel the stress, anger, and horror this time that Bill is having to work through with every meeting he attends!
Speaking of horror, I LOVE the change in sacrifices this go around! You know more about the victim herself, which leads to us feeling more sorrow and anger about the loss of life than a complete stranger! I also thought that the first version wasn’t quite as believable since the ritual called for a willing sacrifice and the girl used was clearly under the Imperius curse. It just didn’t seem like that would really work.
Her sacrifice also shows the increasing power struggle that eventually leads to Lucius being betrayed! You’ve done a great job at showing the increasing rift between those two as well! And really that’s all her sacrifice is to Voldemort. A power play. To attempt to put Lucius in his place. Last time, Lucius’ capture seemed a bit out of the blue and like there wasn’t as much reason to it. This version is a fantastic improvement in that sense! It also shows how far gone Voldemort is that he’s not even using logic and cunning in his decisions anymore.
I’ve noticed that you’ve taken a lot more time to bring attention to Bill’s own bias even if he does his best to ignore it. In the scene where Lucius attempted to talk Mirabelle out of sacrificing herself and argued a bit with Voldemort, Lucius stays behind for just a moment and takes a quick breath, Bill is trying to find some emotion in Lucius’ face. I kinda just wanted to yell at Bill that that quick breath sort of WAS a show of emotion for someone like Lucius! People that grew up in the world Lucius grew up in clearly don’t react to things the same way Bill or someone from the light side would! Draco, who has obviously been interacting quite a bit with Bill, is a CLEAR example of that! Draco rarely shows emotion that won’t help him in some way! I understand why Bill sees all of them in a certain light and that he’s already dealing with a lot, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t want to smack him upside the head! Especially with what I know this is all leading up to! Not it would’ve changed anything but still!
I’m currently reading you note at the end now and seeing that you pointed out a lot of the same things I did, but that’s fine! Great job as always! I know you said this chapter was hard, but you did such a fantastic job! Keep up the good work!
4/20 c50 30LoraRawr
it may not have been fun to write, but it gives so much more depth to the situation, the environment, and the circumstances of war. I really appreciate the work and detail you are putting into this. thank you for writing!
4/20 c50 deestar12
Another amazing chapter rewrite! I never once thought that the series would need a rewrite, as I thought it was amazing on it’s own and it still is, but each new chapter provides so much more depth, insight and reasoning and I honestly can’t get enough of it, every time I get an email for a new chapter I drop everything I’m doing to see how you’ve further improved such an amazing story.

I’m most excited for the next chapter, you’ve set the emotions and tone for what’s coming next so well and it’s going to be interesting to see how you can improve on one of my favourite chapters of the story!

Thank you for today’s chapter and pushing yourself to tackles topics and scenes you wouldn’t have previously 3
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