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for The Golden Age: Chaotic Cosmos

3/26/2012 c97 2PeePeeroni
like this chapie. hahaha cute perverted mouse you got there cagalli!
3/14/2012 c20 7ZaMaShi
This takes me back to the Genpatsu Memorial in Nagasaki. Of course, Nagasaki has been completely rebuilt now, but at the place where the bomb hit, they've moved part of a cathedral that was in the blast area...

There was this one old Japanese man talking about how he had been in a factory at the time of the explosion, and he was standing behind a beam. His elbow got burnt, but the rest of him was behind the beam so he survived. Scary stuff.

And then there was a big memorial park, and for those killed, people left offerings of water. Bottles of water, buckets, everywhere, and a huge huge fountain... because the victims were calling out for water after the blast before they died.

Remembering gives me the chills but if you had included the water in this chapter, I would have been like O.O
3/14/2012 c15 ZaMaShi
So rushed, and Lacus is vindictive? Kill Fllay if she were alive? Even if you're making them "normal teenagers" I don't think a normal teenager would say something so cruel.
3/14/2012 c19 miss peeps
comment on something I've seen so far in this story: you repeat yourself. What do I mean?

Scene with Kira and Lacus upset about the war. Similar scene with Athrun and Cagali. Then Cagalli packs a big bag, Lacus packs a big bag, Miriallia packs a big bag... With the fertility thing, Miriallia and Dearka talk about it, then you go through each of the other couples talking about it. then again with the consummating relationships. All your characters are going through the same thing at the same time and I'm thinking "I've already read this, just with different characters." It takes away their individuality.

this chapter had a lot of progression. not too much of that repeating yourself. When you get the plot going, its good. When you slow it down. :/

To me, Frost is too strong and inhuman. Can't relate to him. He's like a villain from DBZ- pure evil, whose most important trait is to be stronger than Goku so that there's a challenge in fighting him. But Gundam's not like that. It's a world war, not a two man duel. Yes, a Gundam series will make the main character be an amazing pilot/soldier/whatnot but not to that extent. Frost is a bit much.

I dunno about having a villain that strong. Azrael. Djibril. Zucchini. Those are better villains. Or better yet, not have a villain and not know which side to root for~
3/13/2012 c18 ZaMaShi
you seem to like writing about sex a bit TOO much... at least for me It's hardly blended. you've got a big long action section! and then it's hormonal teenagers crawling into bed with each other and talking about it. :/ And as soon as it happens everyone knows they've done it. even with Kira and Lacus because they're making noise. *cringe* Gosh.

I wouldn't write it this way, but I guess this fits your action-focused story better than my version (of playing out a romance). I still think it's over the top.
3/13/2012 c17 ZaMaShi
by now you should know that every time you use the percent sign ff.n blocks it out.

Sai. *grr*

glad you went back and addressed the humiliation.

Lacus and Kira are so much better than Athrun and Cagalli.
3/13/2012 c15 ZaMaShi
So rushed, and Lacus is vindictive? Kill Fllay if she were alive? Even if you're making them "normal teenagers" I don't think a normal teenager would say something so cruel.
3/13/2012 c15 ZaMaShi
So rushed, and Lacus is vindictive? Kill Fllay if she were alive? Even if you're making them "normal teenagers" I don't think a normal teenager would say something so cruel.
3/13/2012 c16 ms
I like your gundams. Nice detail and the idea of a small but uber heavy one. Sounds potentially slow tho. Sai piloting a ms based off the freedom? Even w/ artificial intelligence? And him being surprisingly smart at technology. A bit odd. But I'll take it.

I like the way you're using his and Vanais relationship to screw everyone over. And the. Irony that as soon as Kira stops being protective a tape of Cagalli and Athrun ends up on the news. Still dont like your Lacus. Ooc mean and slutty. "All you have to do is ask Kira." SLUT.

She's totally the conservative type to blush and say oh my goodness~~ or something of the sort.

Reading this it is painfully obvious that the author is a guy. You know, girls are more likely to be embarassed about sleeping w/ someone than a guy. (At least most are. There are exceptions) Cagalli should be mortified MORTIFIED from seeing that on the news. You sorta blow over it.

Your action sequence is a lot better than your character interaction (typical guy). It really had my heart running. You'be got a knack for action. And for that matter, when crisis comes your character interaction.gets better. It's only when they have time off that they're petty teenagers.

But still... I really like reading about characters more than action... That's what I really liked about Gundams Seed. Characters combined with action. How relationships develop. Are formed and destroyed. That's lacking in this story (so far) . The action is excellent though...
3/13/2012 c15 miss peeps
So rushed, and Lacus is vindictive? Kill Fllay if she were alive? Even if you're making them "normal teenagers" I don't think a normal teenager would say something so cruel.
3/11/2012 c14 ZaMaShi
I've basically written comments as I read through this..

Athrun seems like a motorcycle type character~ don't know why Kira would be surprised.

I don't think Kira thinks of Cagalli as a sister, more like a friend (possibly like a male friend than a female friend as he seems to forget that she's a girl)...

I thought fugue was just a musical composition term. didn't know it had another definition~

"Kira busied himself in explaining how everyone was doing..." -THAT is how you should have had the last few episodes of Gundam SEED re-explained to Kira at the beginning of the story.

Miriallia and Dearka's romance is alright, the rest is just meh. you don't seem to be too good at it.
3/11/2012 c13 ZaMaShi
*throw's rotten tomatoes at overly-hormonal Athrun and Cagalli*

Did you know that I have to read "Zunnichi" twice every time it comes up? My mind switches it around to zucchini. That would be a great name for an OC Saiyan in a Dragon Ball Z fanfic, seeing as they're all named after vegetables...

onto next chapter...
3/10/2012 c86 1Rick Dias
Hey, first I wanna say, I'm a big fan of your work, and I have read up to Reclamation, but I might be off a chapter or two by now.

I'm just reading again, kinda like what one does in Harry Potter to look for connections and clues, and I noticed something. Not story-related (much): The use of positrons as antimatter in general is kinda weirding me out. For example, it seemed like the antimatter shields of the Pulsar (and later such-equipped Gundams) would have dissipated any material attack; instead it would only strip matter of the electrons and make energy of it. As a cannon like the Lohengrin, it functions like it's energetic counterpart the Gottfried; An antimatter shield however is not like Citadel, it should instead be like reactive armor, albeit one on a much different scale. For example, if the Spear of Ares fired a projectile at an antimatter shield, only the electrons of the projectile are converted to energy. The remaining material still gets to punch through, as the released energy of annihilation is mostly in the form of photons which may form quark-antiquarks. This would be an intense flash of light that may be harmful radiation but otherwise would not impede the remaining mass of the projectile. (antiups and antidowns may still annihilate further with the rest of the projectile, but it still won't be enough)

Mind, I'm cool with your tech not being completely accurate. It just bugs me a little, and I'm not sure if you were aware of it.

{Actually, on the subject of what bugs me, I was kinda hoping for a Tri-Attack to show up in Eden. I'm still waiting for it.)

Otherwise, I am hella impressed with what you have come up with so far. I can't think of better works on FF.net.
3/3/2012 c12 7ZaMaShi
Okay, that was a good chapter. You should have told me to skip ahead in the first place and saved me the frustration... (and saved yourself from my wrath) Like you, I have standards for what I read, and if I review, I'm incapable of being anything less than brutally honest.

MY FAITH IN YOU AS A WRITER HAS BEEN RESTORED. I'm now genuinely interested in the story. There were a few places where the dialogue didn't flow perfectly- When Sai was talking to Vanai's father about Yzak, and a little bit where Kira and the others are coming to and recovering- but it's minor and not enough to take away from the story. But the awkwardness in that dialogue is a HUMONGOUS improvement over the stuff in your first few chapters.

If you're like me, you get better at writing by writing more, and thus, the quality of your writing had some vast improvements. I'm assuming your writing skills will continue to improve~~~

However, that does not change my thoughts on the beginning of this story. It sucks. And I'm biased against reading about teenagers and the petty things they do. Perhaps if it was re-written, I could take it. But the way it is now... XD

You can't just tell me "don't judge a book by it's cover." If you know anything about the publishing industry, you should realize that's what people do. You go into a book store, pick up a book with pretty artwork on the cover, look at the title, summary, and from that you guess what it's about and decide whether or not to read it/buy it. Maybe you open it up and read the first few pages to see if it's any good. But no more than that. A few pages, not 20,000 words. First impressions make a big difference.
3/1/2012 c7 ZaMaShi
I've read this far, and I don't know how to be nice. Sorry.

All I can see is your characterization. It's bad. like, really. I've looked through some of your reviews, and it's clear I'm not the first one to tell you this. You have no right to throw stones at 15~17 year old girls' writings.

You chapters are long, but the plot is so slow... It drabbles on about stuff hardly seems related to the plot, and your humor has me ROLLING MY EYES.

Your focus on OCs takes away from the story. I'm sorry. This is a fanfiction. I want to read about the cannon characters, and your cannon characters aren't in character either.

I just see silly teenagers. Isn't this supposed to be an epic story? If I want to read about silly teenagers, high school fics are a dime a dozen on this site. I hate silly teenagers. Even while I was in high school, I found the type of behavior betrayed in your story (and by my classmates) to be unbelievably inane.

I see over a million words on this story and I wonder how in the world you could manage a million words of this.

I don't think I can read anymore of this unless it's severely edited. If you're losing me, you've lost lots of other readers. First chapters make the first impression. I seriously suggest going back and looking at this.
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