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for The Golden Age: Chaotic Cosmos

7/28/2011 c16 1Hcps123
Well this was definitly an interesing chapter, ok first point I notice was the fact that you left out (%) percent, but then again that might not be your fault and just another act of fanfiction, the second thing is that you protray TEMPEST as these season bad ass soldier types so how in the hell are they ok with Kira and Lacus being in the decoy cars.

I know the guy is good (that raises another point you should really focus more on your original characters since other then Vlad and Raine the other memebers of TEMPEST just kind of blur together, and I don't really see them and the fact that you let their "real names" slip every now and then just adds more confusion) but I refused to believe any self respecting soldier would allow what they consider civilian children to ride in what was already a preplanned decoyed car

I did like the james bond aspects you put in, and I thought that the new missiles were definitly interesting and of course it was well written.
7/22/2011 c10 Hcps123
Good chatper but you made one mistake, you said Kira entered his berserk mode which I take it you mean his Seed Factor. A Berserker and Seed Factor are 2 completely different things and it might confuse readers if you refer to them as the same thing.
7/20/2011 c8 Hcps123
I haven't said anything before but I've notice Lacus's grow increasingly out of character, it's hard to describe but Lacus should be more saint like, not taking in GSD since this is set before that Lacus should be almost navie to most extent. First off I highly doubt she'd be jealous of any girl Kira met unless A. He didn't tell them he was with Lacus and thusly they started hitting on him. or B. He did tell them but they still chose to hit on him in a very obvious manner.

And in no circumstance can I see Lacus declining an invitation to any event unless she was physically unable to go for whatever reason. I can't see Lacus declining an invitation because she was Jealous it's just not her, she might be thrill about going but she'd make the best of it and go so if anything Lacus should have talked Kira into going.

Now I know that belongs more in the chapter 7 review but I chose to ignored it since up until that point you had protrayed Lacus otherwise perfectly and I had thought it was just a one time slip up but I couldn't let it go since Lacus OC for most of this chapter, the way Lacus flirted with Kira was completely OC.

She would not have been that forward or perverted (for lack of a better word) and would have left before Kira change clothes or when she realizes Kira was about to change clothes in a shy like manner. You're having her act to much like a normal teenage girl and that's simply not Lacus.

Now I can understand if you want to change Lacus's personallity to a way you want her to act but you can't do it that quickly, it has to be a gradual change, if I'm reading your story from begining to end I should not be able to detect a change in Lacus unless I watch GS again and then reread the last chapter.

Even if you put Lacus has been hanging around Cagalli to much it's still too much of a change, people do not change that fast in real life nor in anime (at least not the good ones) change happens slowly.

PS. Also this is just my personal feelings but I think a princess outfit is too showly and boastful for Lacus, maybe a fairy or something else along those lines would have been better but that's just my own opinion.
7/13/2011 c20 1Silvak Lance
I am honestly scared to review your story for fear of flaming retaliation from your zealot followers. Please know that this is not a BBQ and everything comes from a constructive perspective.

So far, in a literary sense, it's not very good. But as an Anime, it's spot on...just not as a Gundam series or at least not until Chapter 20 when actual action really starts to take place. Classically, character development always took place during combat sequences, and SEED was the first to change that. You have taken it to another level all together. For an anime in any other series this would likely be just fine and the whole high school thing was just too much. If you really want to make this a viable Gundam series, the first 18 chapters should be condensed down to 2 or so. It appears the cause was your desire to show an accurately portayed life of a teenager in comparison with how the original SEED or even Destiny was written. You as the great artist and author your fans think to be should be able to capture that easily in much less text. That is why in a literary sense it fails as there really isn't a plot within the first 5 chapters, nothing to draw in a reader. The real storyline starts here, Chapter 20, and I eagerly look forward to reading more now that I have slogged through the filth that is high school anime.

Adding break lines when changing characters/perspectives/ect would make reading less of a chore.
7/13/2011 c5 1Hcps123
Funny, and once again good protray of the characters, however I notice this is starting to go into one of those sappy Romance fanfics of course since I've heard about future chapters I know that Gundams will be involved at some point but all the same it's a good rule of thumb that a Gundam should appear by the latest in chapter/episode 2.

Also what about Sai, I know he's asleep but come on is he on something to not hear Ysak shouting plus the thing with the knife?

I like to make a suggestion too, although Ysak folding at the end is possible I feel that him folding so soon to any of their demands is a little disappointing, I think you should have it where he finds a way out of the situtation and the girls purse him. After all part of the fun with agressive romance characters is having them chase their target. Having him fold so early takes away that very funny chase in where they have to match wits but then again that's just my opinion.
7/13/2011 c3 Hcps123
Perfect first chapter, I great step to show what happen right after GS.
7/13/2011 c4 Hcps123
Ok I known this is far behind your most current work but I can only review what I know, the plot itself is sound but their were 2 major things that stuck out to me, one is when you shift scenes. It's confusing when you go from the jungle to I guess inside the CEOs office and then back to the ship. I feel that you should say something so that we know that we're about to shift from when setting to another

I also feel that the battle scene could use some work, you should give a brief description of each character as well as the landscape, it maybe in a jungle but how far are the trees away from the compound, what is a garrote, what kind of compound is it? Is it a just a couple of small houses with a weak wall type fence thing around it, or is it more along the lines of a castle?

You did a good job playing to senses with the hearing and methaphores but the overall what was happening was to hard to understand for my small mind and happen just a little bit to quickly.
7/2/2011 c93 Just a Fan
whoops...accidentally submitted it.

3. favorite MS and why

The Dualist or the Fury. The photon absorbing cloak is simply amazing and the attack Frost created (attacking the duelist in Panama) was ingenious! Excessive fire power in MS...is kinda cheap, overrated and was exemplified in the Gundam Seed series with Liberty and Justice, etc. But nothing beats close and personal MS fights.

4. Cannon character you represented best

Initially before I started reading your fanfic, I was an Athrun fan. You have wholesomely converted me into a Yzak fan. Your portrayal of him is so uncanny that although there are some OOC moments, his actions remain believable and quite heartfelt at moments such as with Chanel's death and his subsequent desire for vengeance.

5. Cannon character you represented worst

None comes to mind. However, if I MUST choose I would choose Miriallia simply because although in the Gundam Seed series she was quite spunky, I just have a hard time envisioning her in a MS even though she's handling the CIC.

6. Something you need to work on/add

This seems quite late to even comment on...
7/2/2011 c93 Just a Fan
I'm kinda late on the reviews since...well...this IS the first of your 3 part series. For that, I can only say that I'm not exactly a huge fan of Gundam Deed and so have not ventured much into its fanfiction archives.

However, with this chapter's AN, I felt compelled to write a review, which I don't normally do for completed fanfics. Usually, I finish reading and simply leave a really really long review for the last chapter (especially for completed epic fanfics that span MANY chapters).

Anyways...On to your AN:

1. Favorite OC and why

I would have to say from the beginning: Chanel and Katie because they were so funny bugging Yzak.

In the middle: Vlad or Ashino because Vlad was this cool mysterious assassin with a deep conscience and Ashino gaining human emotions was very interesting.

Up to this chapter: undecided.

2. Least favorite OC and why

Frost simply because he kinda creeps me out (TRULY well done)

3. Favorite MS and why
5/23/2011 c5 LordRevanMandaloreofZutara
Just some suggestions here. If you ever redo The Golden Age Trilogy, you might want to add a scene where Athrun and Mir make up. I get why these early chapters focus so much on Dearka and Mir, but at the same time it was Athrun who killed Toelle, thank you whoever made GS. While Dearka acted like a prick, Athrun was the one who killed Toelle and logically should recieve the most of Miri's anger. Yet this never happens, either in GS, GSD, or CC.

Also looking back on Tempest, and Katie and Channel, your timeline makes absolutely no sense to me. Katie and Channel talk about Vlad scarring away boyfriends, but Robert was still in the AF Special Forces (or somewhere) when the Bloody Valentine War ended two months ago. Did he really leave the military, form Tempest, get Katie and Channel, then have them get socially adjusted enough so they could actually function in typical society in just two months? That seems a bit rushed, or am I missing something here? Maybe an updated timeline with the activities of Tempest and Katie and Channel's early lives is needed.
5/23/2011 c3 LordRevanMandaloreofZutara
I read the intro to RW again and saw you saying the shortest time it took someone to read CC and ED was three weeks. I felt challenged and have decided to try and break that record. In the mean time I just realized something. If the Genesis Laser is so powerful that it could wipe out all the life on Earth, then why didn't Noah intervene to try and stop it? I don't remember him saying he did anything to stop Genesis. On the flip side, if Genesis was so powerful, why wasn't Kira killed by the sheer radiation/energy? I guess the answer to the last one is plot armor. Still why didn't Noah do anything?
4/6/2011 c2 2naruxxsaku20
great story
2/22/2011 c59 Xander Wilte
i don't think most authors realize that ff.net doesn't recognize the symbol for percentage. case in point: " but she wasn't 100 sure he would win."

it just doesn't show up.
2/21/2011 c51 Xander Wilte
man, saw that coming like 30 chapters ago.
2/20/2011 c37 Xander Wilte
what? no screen time for kira and lacus, but some for everyone else? seems like i havent seen a lot of them lately and they are supposed to be main chars.
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