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for The Golden Age: Chaotic Cosmos

5/28/2010 c7 Archylas
Another awesome chapter, by the way.

The only thing which bothers me is the scene dividers (not going to elaborate here) and the flashback. The paragraphs of the flashback is cluttered and hard to read; also, 'I' was not capitalised in some instances in the flasbacks.

Other than that, it was good to go.

P.s.: Wow, this chapter made me hate the twins even more than I did previously.
5/26/2010 c4 Archylas
This is pretty interesting thus far, even though it's only been the 4th chapter. However, there were some things that bothered me.

Firstly, in this chapter, the scenes between, say, the Eternal and TEMPEST changed quickly without a sort of divider line to separate the scenes, so it was rather confusing perusing it through in one go. For example, look at this part:

"That's just what I wanted to hear. You have done good work. Our timetable has been moved up. As soon as the Merciless, the Bane and the Fury are completed, inform me. You will be well rewarded for your efforts." Mr. Zunnichi said. The scientist bowed and the screen blinked off, leaving the room in total darkness. Almost as total as the heart of the man that sat quietly in his plush leather chair.

"WHAT?" Ysak yelled. "What do you mean "I can't go home just yet."?" he started to pace back and forth, driving his hand into the metal bulkhead with every pass.

Hence, I suggest using a margin line or making the paragraph spacing more obvious.

Secondly, I personally feel that Athrun and Cagalli's relationship was very rushed. Even considering the fact that they were aboard the ship for two months already (and being an avid AsuCaga fan myself lol), I still find it hard to believe that Cagalli's personality would change so quickly, such that she wouldn't mind revealing open affections with Athrun. True, she does love Athrun, but remember that she's a spunky tomboy and has an ego to salvage, and she would be very embarrassed to show such affections to Athrun openly without at least retaliating in her own way or another. It would be nice if their relationship could start off slow, or perhaps, a bit more subtle.

Thirdly, Athrun's personality bothered me somewhat. He seemed more shy and self-conscientious, and seemed to be stammer a lot more than he usually does. Maybe it's just me though. Personally, I'd like to see a more confident Athrun whose dialogues are longer and expresses his thoughts more, if possible.

Lastly, there were numerous grammar mistakes, and the settings could have been described in more details.

Overall though, it was still splendid (because it did fuel my Asucaga needs xD). Keep writing!
4/3/2010 c42 11Mathiasosx
"I think you lose" simple line but well placed to be funny takes a more than a bit of talent to pull that off on purpose.
3/23/2010 c36 8Strata-Assassin
I know it's been a while since I've said anything for this story and I'm really sorry about that. So-on that note-I'm going to have a personal review on this chapter so that I can go to class with a clear conscious. I've been reading this one off and on for the past couple of weeks and feel as if a review is needed by this point. :P Anyway, here we go.

And we start off the chapter with the parents, the over-mentioned, under appreciated parents who had little to no air time on the anime, but seemed to play a prominent role in the teens' lives. Funny how that works. And the only time they are shown, it cuts away immediately and then comes back when the kids are leaving. Anyway, I'm glad to see you gave them personalities and some sense of action in the story. Not all parents just sit around and do nothing when a war is going on. I mean, not ever 16-year-old has a parent who's dead or some equivalent of. Gotta love all the animes that portray that.

I must admit that my ultimate favorite part of the chapter-aside from not seeing Kira at all-was the slight mention of Shani. I was skimming the chapter before reading it, saw the name, freaked-because I recently wrote a part of my next chapter with them in it-and kept reading to see if he came up again. Alas, it was only that one paragraph, but still, he was in there!

On a critical note, you mention a lot of BCPUs in this chapter and I don't think any of them are going to come back. Yes, I loved the game and it was nice to see the different spectrums of the BCPU program, but I got a bit lost with all the names that were mentioned. Just a tip for later, try not to introduce so many at once and stick with one name. if they're not going to come back, we only need to know them by one name. When Ashino was talking to the doctor, the doctor would call a BCPU one name and Ashino would call him something else. i just got really confused. It's just something to keep in mind for later.

Overall, I was stoked there was no Kira. I'll get on to the next one as soon as I can because my workshops are winding down for my classes so less grueling work for me! Yay! Anyway, see you next chapter!

2/20/2010 c1 kiman1917

A bit of advice... try not to put in soo many ooc characters at once... its kindoff hard to process that much info for fast readers like me and readers tend to forget them for a while and then they pop up again and we have no idea who they are... otherwise YOU ARE ONE OF THE BEST FAN FIC AUTHORS EVER! THE ONLY ONE THAT MAY BECOME ON PAR WITH YOU IN THE TALENT OF WRITING IN THE GUNDAM SEED SECTION IS THE AUTHOR Known as R (pity he has become inactive)

another piece of advice is not to put in such a large lull in chapters especially near the end... short brief ones are better as it gives the reader a short lull in the action yet doesn't bore the heck out of them

good ideas as well and I love every single one of them... keep up the good work
1/26/2010 c107 47Kurama no Miko2003
Normally, I read everything in an arc before I leave a review, but given the length of your story, I think I'll drop you a review now.

You asked a few times in prior chapters regarding favorite/least favorite original characters, who I thought you wrote best, etc, so, let me start with that.

Hands down, my favorite of the OCs is Ashino. I love the way he's written, starting as a purely logical BCPU, to his semi-normal, semi-robotic end as a half-rehabilitated human being. Some of my favorite sections in this fanfic are the parts where Ashino is wandering out in normal everyday life and is trying to analyze every aspect of it. His attempts to understand love are absolutely endearing, and I'm secretly very pleased that he survived to the end. I think my favorite part with Ashino has to be the carnival where he first goes out in civilian clothing; his first foray into fashion and social life were absolutely hilarious and I only hope there will be more of that to come. He's so different from how BCPUs/Extendeds are portrayed in SEED/SEED Destiny that I find him to be a refreshing and fun character to read.

As for the least favorite OC, there isn't really one, although I found Sai to be rather annoying at times in his stubbornness. Part of me still wonders whether Sai would turn on Kira and the others, but at the same time, if any of the initial cast members were to betray Kira, Sai is the logical choice.

As for the canon cast, I think you wrote them all pretty well for the most part; Lacus was rather well done, and I loved that Cagalli got a new Gundam and tried to participate in the various combat situations, for better or for worse.

As for the various OCs . . .

When I first encountered Katie and Chanel, I had to admit I was a bit put off by them. They were rather pushy, and their way of knowing what Ysak was doing and their clingy ways made me think of them as Mary Sues; the idea they were Newtypes didn't even occur to me. But I liked the other OCs well enough, and I kept reading. Of course, once the twins let it drop they were Newtypes, everything suddenly made sense and I must admit I shed a few tears for Chanel in her final moments.

Alkire Majesty and the rest of TEMPEST were just awesome; I really enjoyed the various non-mobile suit combat scenes with them. I loved reading all the scenes with Alkire in a tight spot, as I found his dialogue highly amusing. And Uncle Vlad protecting the twins was so funny! Those were easily some of my favorite moments with TEMPEST. I was shocked and saddened to see James go, and I found Vlad's final moments to be very appropriate. I had to admit I wasn't expecting Victor to go, and I had been hoping he would survive his final encounter. And Raine the trash talking sniper was so much fun!

As for Craydon Thresher, he didn't really do much for me. He felt like "Frost Lite", and as a result, got totally overshadowed by Frost, and really didn't feel unique as a character. He just felt like the BCPUs from SEED.

I applaud you for your portrayal of Zacharis Quentin Frost. Simply one of the craziest, most evil, and most insane character I have ever come across that can still be utterly coherent. And he's utterly overpowered. And I like it. Contrary to what the few reviews I saw from people saying they thought the villains were too powerful, I think it's better this way. The Clyne Faction/Three Ships Alliance is the third side of a war, with no government backing or funding. They're not supposed to be as strong as everyone else; the only real edge they have is that Kira and Athrun are simply the best mobile suit pilots alive as of C.E. 72 and they have equally powerful mobile suits to match. The idea that there is someone who can be manufactured to be as strong as they are makes sense, and I find an uphill battle to be far more interesting to read about than a story where victory is easily won and achieved.

One minor detail: you've mentioned a few times that the immune system is responsible for removing toxins and breaking down drugs from the blood. Biologically, that is actually incorrect. It's the liver that metabolizes toxic compounds and drugs, and some drugs are excreted from the kidneys. However, if that piece of scientific inaccuracy is intentional, ignore this part of my comment!

All in all, I really enjoyed reading this; it was a lot of fun to read. There were many times where you managed to get me just as worked up as the cast (the canon cast's face-to-face run in with Cervantes at Sai's wedding was one of those moments) and I love how you took the time to write from everyone's perspective. It felt like a Gundam show, the way a Gundam show should be, if there were no budget or fan constraints. The fight scenes were very well written, with just enough detail to allow me to visualize what was happening, while keeping up with the frantic pace of combat. In writing them from a single character's perspective, you managed to draw me into the scenario and the often dire circumstances involved, leaving me to root for the "good guys", and occasionally silently hoping against all hope that everyone makes it out alive.

Needless to say, this fanfic has most certainly earned its place on my favorites list. Onto the sequel!
1/18/2010 c11 5Death-Scimitar
This review is for both part 1 and 2. And after this review I'll probably start reviewing every other chapter, or every five or something like that... Just whenever I get to it.

First allow me a moment of "squeeing" for my 3 boys because they were mentioned, albeit indirectly... *SQUEE* They need more love.

Allow me another moment of celebration over Kira's potential demise. Of course, Lacus seemed to have a "Titanic" moment there. "I'll never let go, Jack!" "I'm not leaving you, Kira!" It just breaks my heart... not really.

Okay, backtracking. Vanai; desperate much? That's all I'm going to say about that subject.

In part one, Lacus is snuggling closer to Kira and thinking about his costume. Honestly, who thinks like that? Okay, so it's Lacus, she might think in such poetic and lofty terms, but I'm not buying it.

I'll just skip over my interpretation of the whole SEED mode. Not necessarily "berserker" but that's just my opinion. *shrugs*

But... Dearka in SEED mode? Why couldn't that happen in the actual anime?

Yzak has a rather sudden realization about Katie and Chanel. Seems too forced or something...

Of course, pity for Yzak after his certain ordeal with Amy. Immense pity.

And Frost seems a little too powerful...

Moving on to the technical note, besides all the commas within quotations, is the use of adverbs to describe the dialogue. Example, "said gleefully" or "replied coldly"-using them is kind of a cop-out; you're a good writer you need the crutch of an adverb when those adverbs can be realized through the characters actions and/or what they are actually saying. There is also the use of too many words like "demanded" or "intoned" when "said" works just fine.

Now, back to homework.

1/18/2010 c9 Death-Scimitar
God, I know what you're thinking-probably something along the lines of "about damn time"-well, sue me. Actually, don't, since I am a poor, working, single mother, college student. But I did promise I would review on your story and I haven't gone back on that promise; it's just taking me some time.

So, to start with, I had a HARD time reading through this chapter. Why? Because of the so corny and sappy-more like annoying-antics of the couples. Not so much with the Yzak and the twins and Dearka and Mir. But Kira and Lacus and Athrun and Cogs-please allow me a moment to find a bucket and subsequently empty whateve3r is left in my stomach. Sure, my hatred of Kira probably played a big part in it, as well as my dislike for Cagalli-but it was too much.

Does everything have to be so sexually charged? Hormonal teenagers, I get it-been there, done that-but that isn't, and it can't be the only thing that's driving them.

Something that's dealing with a more logical standpoint, when Alkire and Raine are discussing the party the twins are basically crashing; it seems strange that Raine doesn't catch on to the name of "Zunnichi". I mean, if these guys are/were some hot-shot agents and whatnot, they kinda have to know the who's who on both sides of the playing field. It just seems unrealistic that Alkire practically had to spell it out and lead Raine by the hand to figure out that, "OMG, this person could be related to the new head of Blue Cosmos."

I'm sure that Strata already went over this, but the punctuation in your dialogue, unnecessary "that"s and using words like "extrapolated" instead of "said".

Wow, this review came out kinda harsh... Sorry!

Moving on to the next chapter or so.

1/18/2010 c35 8Strata-Assassin
Chapter 31: New models are always a pleasure to see, especially if they're beefed up so much that they can basically destroy anything within a three mile radius. Aside from that, I liked how you concentrated on each person's strengths instead of making machines to "do it all." I never thought Cags would be a good sniper, but now I see it and-I must say-it's a pretty good image. I'm also glad you didn't put her in a mobile suit with Athrun like you did Miri and Dearka. Miri and Dearka I can see working together, especially since Dearka's machine is mostly for long range fire, but Athrun is a more "in your face" kind of fighter and to have a duel cockpit would just slow him down. I was actually waiting for you to have Lacus in the cockpit with Kira though, to tell you the truth. Yes, she isn't that fond of fighting, but she'd be a valuable asset to any battlefield. She has the intuition of Cagalli and can think up battle plans just as well as Miri. Perhaps she'll be some kind of ground support.

Chapter 32: And the big fight. For the sake of keeping this review kind of short—sorry, I have class here pretty quick—I won’t go into huge details, but I liked it. That’s not saying much because I like all of your battle scenes, but I think I would’ve liked to see a little more interaction with Yzak and his enemies merely because he never got that much fighting air time in either season of the anime. At any rate, I was surprised you brought Frost back so quickly. That guy was beaten up pretty bad and suddenly he’s A-okay? A little curious. Now, I realize he’s mostly mechanical and even his blood doesn’t exist, but he was nearly destroyed by a bomb, or at least he was a few feet from one. That’s not an easy thing to recover from.

Chapter 33: I’m so glad you had Athrun fight Frost instead of Kira. Then again, I’m happy when you take ANY kind of glory away from Kira mainly because of my particular hatred against the guy. O.o Anyway, Cags is shown like a bit of a damsel here, but it’s understandable. Her machine isn’t made for close quarters combat and for her to even make any kind of attempt would just get her killed. So, for the sake of the fair pilot, her brother and love drop everything and run to her side, hoping to keep her from being utterly obliterated. Fun times. :P But they all get away fine—which is good—and Frost has another check in the “lost” column. He can’t be happy right now.

Chapter 34: I didn’t know what to make of this chapter. Enlisting parents? Usually the military goes for young blood, but if they want older, more experienced people then what the hell. Ironic how the EA goes for the families of the kids they knew were directly involved with the Archangel. Poor Kuzzy though. I bet that guy never thought he’d have to look at a gun again, let alone a battle ship with a various array of them. I never did like that teen, so I’m curious to see what you do with him. He had a lot of potential—like many of the characters in SEED—but he always came off as some annoying little brat who only wanted to get off the ship instead of trying to help the people on it. Alright, that was a bit harsh, I guess, but I didn’t like him too much…

Chapter 35: And here we get into the battle at Washington D.C. At first, I was a bit confused because I thought this battle already took place. Judging by the last chapter, it sounded like the EA was enlisting people because of how many were lost at Washington D.C., but now we see that the battle never took place. Hm, well, Frost gets a bit more action and it looks like there’s a few more new characters on the scene. I wonder what they’re going to be like, and if they’re anything like Frost I’d tell the world to build a deep cave and camp out there for all eternity. Well, we’ll have to see in the later chapters, but as for me, I’m off to class.

12/31/2009 c16 muciope
HAHAHA.. The blue missile idea is so awesome. ^_^
12/18/2009 c30 Strata-Assassin
Ch. 30: Alright, I'm gonna put this chapter first because it's fresh in my mind. I'm a bit confused at the last part here. If Asmodeus knows one of the kids is the pilot of the Freedom-hell, if he knew they were all pilots-why didn't he recognize Kira at the hot springs? And I find it rather ironic that Kisaka is so beat up-many broken ribs and the like-and he's able to have such long winded conversations... O.o Anyway, I'm glad they didn't all come out unharmed. A little more realistic to say the least.

Oh, and I’m stoked for Erica Simmons. When she came in SEED I thought she was going to be this new character with a lot bigger role, but it just so happened she did next to nothing. She had those few episodes and then we really didn’t know what happened to her. She kind grew on me so I’m anxious to know what you’re going to do with her.

Ch. 29: Ah, the jail break. Ridiculous. Not in bad way, mind you, but in a “hot damn—what the hell?” kind of way. Frost is definitely an interesting character and not one I’d like to know on any basis, not even personal. I admire him for using a scythe. A favorite weapon of mine and one that always gives people shivers when it’s used.

The only gripe I have about this chapter, is I wish it was longer. I probably shouldn’t be complaining because my own fight scenes are half this length, but the break in seemed a bit too easy. The break out—obviously—wasn’t but it’s so much more fun when everything goes wrong. Then again, these are professionals and they don’t mess things up as easily as—say—everyone else. :P

Ch. 28: I wonder if Yzak and Athrun will ever stop fighting. It’s mostly Yzak’s fault because of his damn pride, but I wonder if they’d ever consider each other a friend. Ah, well, that would leave a pretty scary image, wouldn’t it? Athrun and Yzak embracing each other in some manly friendship. While that may make all the yaoi fans squee—I’ll leave my own thoughts on the matter out for now—it can be quite disturbing.

Public visits of Cagalli’s house, huh? For some reason, I didn’t expect there to be tours of their personal rooms, but—then again—I’ve never actually been on such a tour. Given, if the people were gone or dead even, their personal space wouldn’t really mean anything anymore, but, technically, they were all still alive when these tours took place. I can see them showing Uzumi’s office or even the dining room, but the bedrooms seem to breech some kind of “privacy” issue to me.

Ch. 27: And Kira, always getting his ass into trouble. Why am I not surprised? *sigh* And he still comes out of it all unscathed to just let Dearka take the blunt of the attack originally meant for him. *sigh* Gotta love it. Well, then again, I wouldn’t say Dearka didn’t deserve it.

Oh, and I like the bickering, by the way. Always makes the story so much more interesting when the characters can argue back and forth aimlessly and constantly. It either shows they’re really good friends, or they like to argue so much it doesn’t matter if they are or not. Either way it adds some nice humor into the works. Especially after everything that Frost does the reader may need a bit of comical humor to lighten the mood.

Ch. 26: And the huge riots in the streets! The political speeches! All the damn shouting! Yes, the fun stuff of a coming war. And people are so easy dragged along for the ride. So sad and yet works out so well for us writers. Anything true like that makes things so much easier for us. How do we get them to go along with the idea? Oh, threaten the safety of their kids, tell them they’re doing something righteous, or just twist their logic on end and make it sound like their idea. Ah yes, it can be so easy sometimes.

And poor Kisaka. I commend him for being so calm sitting before Frost and knowing he’s going to get his ass kicked—to say the least. I would probably be hyperventilating or something. At any rate, I’m glad he’s getting some screen time. Especially since he was practically written out in Destiny and he was always a fun character.

Ch. 25: Hah, you start at the cuteness and then go straight to the—well—ugly stuff. Ending with Frost being his whiny little self. Oops, sorry I’m gonna have to cut this one short. Have to get going. Great chapters and I’ll keep going here pretty quick.
12/4/2009 c106 gatorfan
Awesome story you have here. It had it all in spades really. You write a variety of genres very well. This was certainly an addicting fic and I found myself on the edge of my seat several times with the excitement and suspense from all the action. I even liked the OCs, which is very rare for me.

Frost was an especially good villain, and I cheered when he put Noah in his place. I hate Noah, especially 'cause he's keeping my favorite couple apart. I really wish Mu and Murrue get back together in the sequel. I have my fingers crossed already.

Here's my answer to the survey back from chapter 93. I wanted to wait 'til I finished the story to fill it out.

1. Favorite Original Character and why... just a sentence or two.

Toss up between Alkire and Ashino. Alkire for his sense of humor and his penchant for playing James Bond, and Ashino for his social awkwardness and how he slowly became more and more human.

2. Least Favorite OC and why

Noah definitely because he's just so full of himself and manipulative. That and he's keeping Mu and Murrue apart.

3. Mobile Suit, why

Liberty probably 'cause it's similar to the Freedom which was my favorite mobile suit in the anime.

4. Canon character I represent best

Probably Lacus. I think you stayed true to her ideals.

5. Canon character I don't do well at

Probably Murrue, though she improved later on.

6. Something I need to work on or add to the story to make it just a teensy bit better in your opinion. Or a lot better, whichever you feel is needed.

The villains might be a bit too powerful at times.

Again, excellent story, and I plan to start reading the sequel asap. I'm sure it'll be just as good, if not better.
11/21/2009 c107 1MaloKen 17
KICK ASS is an understatement for a Fanfic that gr8, definitely the best Gundam Seed Fanfic i've ever read probably the best i've ever read.

It's much better than the Gundam Seed Destiny series i was almost disappointed at how easily Shinn and Rey got OWNED, Frost however was ALWAYS a deathly Struggle.

Also i loved it because your story has lots of character interactions eg hunting Haro(s) LOL

Also it's the longest Fanfic i've ever seen, i didn't think anyone could top 10 words congratulations

Sweet you've already got 58 chapters on the sequel

A lot of times i should be concentrating on my Tafe assignments but couldn't seem to stop reading. You may have caused the death of me! Keep it up!
11/7/2009 c107 eliteElite
Two and a half weeks, I've been reading this story. Two and a half weeks, I've been staring at this screen. Two and a half weeks I Have been absolutely RIVETED to my chair.

This story was amazing, and I am so pleased to hear there is a sequel already at like seven hundred thousand words. I don't think I'll read it for a while though, I have to re-fill the void my social life has been turned into. No regrets though! Thanks you so much for something so fantastic to read! Truly awe-inspiring.
10/20/2009 c107 Play4ever

I just finished reading this and MAN IT IS EPIC! Great story. Ok, I am a bit ... miffed by the immortality of Cray and Frost but hey, its based on anime so ... :D

Great story. I loved reading it.

Off to eden now. :D

You know ... you are ruining my social life by writing stuff this good. :)
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