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for The Golden Age: Chaotic Cosmos

9/9/2008 c99 Archangel2385
Alkire & Raine going paintballing was a stroke of genius. I gotta say though, I was surprised by just how ruthless Raine could be. And the recruiter bit was priceless, though for some reason I find myself supremely disappointed that they didn't join ZAFT, particularly in Special Ops. Yeah, that really doesn't make a lot of sense (currently anyway), but it's a really attractive "what-if" scenario. Oh well.

But anyway, this chapter was kinda strange for me as an Alkire/Raine shipper. On the one hand, I completely understand WHY they are together; it's obvious what they both see in each other. And yet, it almost felt as if they were "wrong" for each other, and this is mainly because of Raine . . . Yes, I DO think something's wrong with her, and the whole "give me a multi-colored geneade for Valentine's Day" comment really sealed the deal there. It also somewhat validated many of Kira's musings on TEMPEST in that they truly LIVE for combat; Raine wanting a grenade during peacetime is something'd I'd expect of BCPU frankly. Is there nothing more beyond combat for her? I think that may be why I am all of the sudden skeptical of whether Alkire & Raine work; it's obvious that Alkire has (many) interests outside of combat, but Raine doesn't seem to, which along with her peculiar romantic quirks, appears like it will cause problems later . . . meh, I'm probably overanalyzing this; at the end of the day, they are still my 2nd favorite couple and I'm glad to have seen this chapter.

Anyway, I really like the Wrenn/Cyprus couple. There is thankfully more to Wrenn than meets the eye, and it was cool seeing them interact. Unfortunately, all of their scenes seemed weighed down by some of the darkest foreshadowing possible. Simply put, Wrenn is to Cyprus what Ray was to Asmodeus, and it feels like this chapter really set up Wrenn's death and Cyprus' fall (from sanity maybe) later in the series. I pray to God I'm wrong, because again, I like this couple, and as Cyprus said, I don't think the world can handle another Asmodeus.

Anyway, solid chapter here, so congrats and keep up the great work.
9/9/2008 c102 Seraph
Amazing. Something like a 6 month break and then what, 5 high quality chapters in something like 3 days. Absolutely amazing.

keep it coming. Can't wait for the conclusion and next story!

As for suggestions.

Perhaps have the protagonist's gundams upgraded by the Isolation R&D? If you haven't already done that, that is xD.

Grand buster with some of those Lightwave penetrating things would be but the start.

On the character side I find Kira's actions rather strange. He dives out of the way to save himself. Yet during the break, it would denote that his instincts tie him even closer to Lacus no?

Other suggestions... How about forcing the final showdown between frost and co to be on foot? That way Kira's new powers could be fully shown both in the air and on ground. But maybe you've thought of that too xD

As for the final climatic showdown.. Eh, i'm curious as to what Ashino will do. After all, assuming all the kids get their gundam's back and frost is defeated. They will be by FAR the strongest force left. Super powered Kira in the liberty, even unupgraded should be able to singlehandedly cause either side to divert quite the number of resources. Either way, keep it coming!

Can't wait =D
9/9/2008 c103 Lord of the Trees
I'd really like to see an epilogue a few years after the events of the main story.
9/9/2008 c103 1FraserMage
Hmm... I assume Shinn is in the ZAFT Attack Force (Considering he is one of their ace pilots I would presume he is)... If so I would like to see his Point of View during the Drop Op... It would be an interesting experience...
9/9/2008 c102 5Rihaku
It's good to know that my input's useful. ^_^

Hilarious set of chapters here; I literally laughed out loud. Favorite part was definitely when Yzak congratulated Kira on "involuntarily reflex"-ing Athrun and Dearka. Glory and Ramirez putting one over Ashino came in second. Hm. What can I say that hasn't already been said?

Well, writing first. There is a diction disparity between your social/slice of life chapters and your combat chapters, but that's to be expected. Dialogue is in and of itself interesting, while combat description necessitates a broader vocabulary if only because saying "He shot the enemy" hundreds of times would be boring. This is an interesting trend, though, because oftentimes authors that do favor advanced diction favor it even in dialogue-heavy scenes - Salman Rushdie is a good example. The internal meditations his characters go through are significantly more convoluted then yours go through, but that's not necessarily a bad thing with the readership here. Excellent humor parts all around, the only quirks that drew my attention were some dialogue issues in the OC chapters. The Lieutenant and Ashino don't really feel like they have their voices yet, and it's not just a result of their personalities. Some of the Dearka/Miriallia banter was slightly off - I felt that you were wordier than you needed to be there. I understand it can be hard to really give each character a distinct voice, especially when said characters are in new situations, so I don't begrudge you this at all. In the future you may wish to sprinkle a few relief scenes between the intense ones so you don't fall into a groove of tone and lose your slice of life practice. Most of your work is not too wordy, though there is a lot of it - it's just the dialogue that's funky at times. Oh, and before I forget, Wrenn sounded ditzier than I imagined her to be. In general your characters are much more prone to exposition and talking through their feelings and observations than people in real life, I think.

1. There have been calls to show a dark side to Kira's acquired powers. I'll throw in a dissenting vote and say no, there shouldn't be any internal drawbacks beyond what's already been revealed. The trope of "Ultimate Power, but at a price" implies a zero-sum game that, while stirring for mythic epics, does not really fit in Gundam, which is about the positive-sum triumph of humanity and human virtues over raw destruction. More importantly, that's what the Ultimate Coordinator is - a reflection, however flawed, of the triumph of reason over savagery and, more specifically in Kira's case, a partition between one's abilities and one's worth. Frost's unnatural luck was brilliantly subverted by the power-up, and inflicting a feedback effect on Kira destroys that subversion, not to mention there's no logical basis for a backlash. After all, Kira's powers are on all the time, and inactivity only makes the energy buildup worse - if he suffered feedback, he'd just die because he can't turn his metabolism off. As with a great many advances, consequences should be primarily social.

Oh, also, I, for one, am not bored of KxL, nor do I forsee becoming so in the future. The problem with their relationship is that they are far too reasonable not to talk out their problems in a mature and rational fashion, which is refreshingly normal in an age where romance has been conflated with a sort of incestuous love-hate relationship. Of course, if you need conflict, Merciless!Kira is strangely popular and fun to write.

Believe me when I say that the vast majority of people don't care how strong your protagonist gets. Inferno!Kira is almost as smart as Noah and a better combatant and Frost while remaining somewhat socially stable, but the only complaints I ever received about him were that he was "too weak," despite fighting off four Redcoats in Gundams and killing two of them - without Seed Mode.

2. This probably comes from watching too much Code Geass (an incredible subversion of Gundam Seed - the main character even has Kira's hair and eye color), but I'd like to see the protagonists win not due to luck, guts, diplomacy, or courage, but through superior planning. Not only would it be evidence of their increasing mental, social, and emotional maturity, it more accurately reflects how victory is obtained in the real world. Furthermore it provides some balance between Scheming Noah and Sai and Naive but Heroic Protagonists. With some of the finest tactical minds in the world on their side, I'd expect the Clyne Faction to pull off a lot more indirect victories - subverting enemy control at key launch stations, infiltrating administrative divisions, hearts and minds kind of stuff. Prejudice and inertia are hard to overcome, but with the kind of charisma that Lacus and company are throwing around, I really think they could get at least half of the human population on their side with a concentrated marketing campaign, at least twenty percent of which would be willing to do something. You can't ignore seven hundred million people or the dollars, votes, and associated pressures they can throw around. You've mentioned these efforts before but besides the events of Purgatory Day we haven't really seen any concrete movement on that front.

3. I think it'd be great if Kira and Shinn were actually allies and had a mentor/student relationship. Besides the Star Wars/Gundam Seed crossover that was brewing in my head a few years ago (Where Kira was the equivalent of sortofheroic!Darth Vader, only he later killed the Emperor and took on Shinn as an apprentice), I've never seen any incidence in which Kira and Shinn were actually friends and comrades in the field of battle. I know everyone is clamoring for a Kira/Shinn dual, but I bet a ton of those people would be even happier (and more pleasantly surprised) by a Kira/Shinn alliance. Converting Shinn to the Clyne Faction woud be a massive diplomatic victory and I think that'd be nice, considering how few of those our incredibly competent negotiator protagonists have won. I understand that for the sake of conflict, enemies must be made, but for the sake of both realism and thematic advancement, allies should be made as well. Oh, also, there's no way the Earth Alliance could have produced the Isolation Fleet without printing huge amounts of money. It'd be funny if Sai was forced to call it off in order to prevent an economic downturn of truly spectacular proportions at home.

4. Ideas for mechs, since I'm assuming our intrepid Faction will acquire them.

-DRAGOON pods - shield, blaster, and blade variants. Slaughtering mooks with DRAGOON pods never gets old, and you can zerg enemy aces with 'em too.

-A Stargazer-esque Halo Laser Perimeter is always cool.

-Bigass Anti-Ship swords, while impractical, are fun.

-Plasma CIWS and missile payload. If only energy weapons can penetrate Phase Shift, research into this should have progressed nicely.

-Detachable Arms/Legs/Head (combine with Dragoon Pods to create Swarm Gundam) allow you to, with sufficient dexterity, reduce your target profile and increase your battlefield coverage. You can de-tach, blitz your enemy, re-form behind them, and then unleash your chest cannon for colossal amounts of hurt.

-I'm really fond of the Wings of Light effect.

-Melee Weapons: Axes and Lances are unused.

-Evangelion-style LCL interfaces for everyone!
9/8/2008 c102 LordRevanMandaloreofZutara
You may not be perfect, but you are the best of all the writers I Have seen in Fanfiction and you’re worlds ahead of AdultFanFiciton writers.

Now, what I would like to see happen.

1: I would love to see Noah underestimate Frost. I don’t know how, just that he does. And Frost does something that forces Noah to go into his mind. Only this time Frost is more prepared. And then when Noah gets in, have a super mental fight. I mean really slugging it out. That would be awesome.

2: I love KiraxLacus, AthrunxCagalli to death, but I am so bored with them right now. Instead of those four, I was wondering if you could focus on AshinoxJean and DearkaxMiriallia. I love them more as couples. For AshinoxJean, well I don’t know exactly. For DxM maybe make some more mention on the sterile issue.

3: KILL VANAI. Death to all Flays and Flay clones!

4: Have a major drawback to Kira’s new strength. I mean like make him have a Dark Lord of the Sith mentality. Or maybe have him go into rages with a very strong bloodlust. Something besides him having to eat more and have to be careful with his strength.

5: Tie in with 4. Create some tension within the CF. Maybe Yzak and Dearka get a little envious around Kira. (Yzak for obvious reasons, but for Dearka, um, maybe Kira has super sperm now. Yeah, really fertile seed).

6: Bring in Master Gundam from G-Gundam. One of the Best Gundams of all time. Give it to Kira.

7: Have a little Mu time. Like he starts to get glimpse of his old life.

8: Sai gets hurt. Badly. Maybe even dies.

And that is all I can think off. Thanks for all the quick updates. I can’t wait to see what you do.

And thanks for letting me know the chapter.
9/8/2008 c102 JointVW
ok First about the chapters 98 and up, it is very simple in most cases i had to try hard trying to keep myself from laughing out loud. (at the moment i was reading it i was in the train/bus or school) Really very nice job and youre writing style can really amuse people. The paralels between alkire and cypres are nicely done. The one thing i kinda missed is kira really being in trouble with the gang. And even though he has showed superb physical skills on throwing dearka and athrun i think you went over it a bit fast.

Now on to what i like to see for the ending of this part of the story. Hmmz somehow i really would like to see kira in a ground battle. Also a fight with shinn would offcourse be a nice thing brought into it, but it shouldn't feel like the main part to be honest. I think that you will probably have a few very good ideas worked out already.

For the next story 1 thing i would like to see real new mobile suits for the gang. Atm they are basically using upgrades (good upgrades) from their old suits, but i have the feeling you can give them suits that fit a bit more to the style they developed in youre story.

Anyways so far for my suggestions and tips and banter

I hope to see the ending of this story soon, but even more i hope to see the start of youre next one.

PS ending on chapter 105 would be a real nice adidition since you all know the strike is 105
9/8/2008 c102 3cipherknight
well mr. maderfole...i can safely say without a doubt in my mind that, although not perfect, you are a genius writer, and this epic proves it. it's been a long road, full of twists and turns, and i'm happy to say i've read em all (wish i reviewed more...forgive me) anyway, on to my "suggestion": i think you could probably incorporate a "mini-boss" battle between kira and shinn, since i think their rivalry is a profound one in the Gundam SEED universe, of course its totally your choice. i think no matter what, the climax and ending will be the same as this story has been all along: EPIC. keep up the good work and good luck in your future endeavors. i look forward to the conclusion of of Chaotic Cosmos
9/8/2008 c102 5Asmus
Usually I'm not the greatest idea generator, but I think I can "generate" a few ideas.

1. Noah. The little Newtype genius who seems to be controlling everyone and everything. I'm pretty sure its my sadistic side in control, when I say that I would like to see him lose his usual confidence. Few things are more satisfying than seeing the usually calm and confident genius, getting confused and surprised, when something completely opposite happens.

Maybe you can factor in a little thing he hadn't expected. For example, make him underestimate Frost when Noah thinks it's time to get rid of the little killer. Or Sai manages to come up with an idea that lessens the damage from Operation Overload. Or even something crazy, like Alkire destroying the Melanie Haro during his "Haro hunt". Anything that, while not affecting the grand plan, is unforeseen and sudden.

In short, I want him to lose his temper. I want to see his usual self-confidence crack. Even if its for a short moment. Give him a moment of weakness, that pulls him back down to Earth. Of course he will calm down and soon be back to his usual self. But at least he won't feel so superior.

2. This idea has always been in my head and the chapter where Orb surrendered added more fuel to it. What I'm talking about is, I like to see the good guys be defeated as well. Just because you are on the moral high ground, are thinking happy thoughts, have been blessed by the heavens, are the ultimate peace bringer, etc. doesn't mean that you will always win. Sometimes the bad guys are stronger, tougher, or just plain lucky and things don't go as you wish.

What I would like to see is the "good guys" almost stop the attack, they are just inches from victory, just a single step from world peace when suddenly ... BOOM, they are a second too late and everything comes crashing down. Bringing them from top of the world to rock bottom in an instant.

3. This idea comes from my dislike of god-modded Kira. Add something like a rift or indications of a rift appearing among the Clyne Faction members. Yes, there have always been conflicts between them, but they rarely have affected their ultimate goal. They've always been so united and dedicated. And seeing them not so united and dedicated would be an unusual twist.

For example, Ysak, who always sees Kira and Athrun as their rivals when it comes to Mobile Suits, starts to grow more and more frustrated, when he sees how easily the new Kira can pull off near-impossible tricks in a Mobile Suit or simply beats him in everything. Maybe he didn't say anything about it before because while Kira was better at piloting Mobile Suits, Ysak was better at other things. But now, when Kira easily beats him at everything (which for Ysak is mostly combat oriented), he starts feeling angry. Of course this is not only limited to Ysak. Others also might feel "outdated" by Kira in some aspects they were previously better at.

There could also be a difference in philosophies. Some think that they should go on, others think that enough is enough and that they should quit, or something like that.

4. In line with no. 3, you can make Kira realize that his new abilities aren't so SUPER at all. As for when he really gets going, there are VERY unpleasant complications. Extreme aggression, blood lust, ruthlessness or something like that.

Hm... now that I'm looking at what I have come up with, it seems I'm geared towards the grim and dark type of endings or events, but ... yeah. I can't come up with any excuses. So, I'll just admit, that only my sadistic side is currently capable of generating ideas. Still, they are just ideas, use them if you like them, don't use them if you don't. It's your story after all.

P.S. By the way, when you are done with this story how long will we have to wait for the next one? Will you just start posting it after a few weeks or will there be a longer pause in between them?

P.P.S. As mentioned before, you really deserve a medal for that Haro hunting part.
9/8/2008 c101 Chronostorm
Wow that was some of the most entertaining stuff i have ever read man i loved the part when Ysak found out how Kira totally unintentionally owned Athrun and Dearka damn man they bit it hard ROFLMAO and Ashino totally wrecking their cars oh that was sweet the romance was good to and i loved the conversion between mr. Machine and Zach man that was funny but damn the plants are going all out on this one but i think you underestimate the death toll a little i would think Airplane stuff would cause a little over a million deaths not to mention the people who are in Hospitals and stuff well either way keep it up.
9/8/2008 c101 SeraphChaos
Just a question. When presented with the evidence that Angry Sky is about to happen. Why won't Sai just turn around, and preemptively nuke the PLANTs to bits?
9/7/2008 c101 Brainless1
Haro hunting. You deserve a metal or an award of some kind for that alone. I don't think I will ever be able to read that section of this story without laughing my head of during that scene.

I'm one of those annoying people that read and only review one in a blue moon but I had to thank you for the wonderful humor you put in this chapter. Since I am writing I might as well do a proper review. The story so far and this chapter specifically, have been written wonderfully. Spelling, grammar, and content are all amazing. It is obvious when reading this that you have a plan for were the story is going so you have been able to weave in so many little bits of foreshadowing beforehand and introduce plots before flushing them out. I love the length of each chapter and the only thing I can think of that subtracts from the story on occasion is the pacing on the story. That was mostly at the beginning of the story and your writing has gotten better as you go on. Take care

9/7/2008 c101 1FraserMage
You know... I like ZAFT's plan for its simplicty.

Massive EMP Blast... War Over, We win.

The funny thing is WW2 Grade Technology would Work after this and yet Modern Tech would be screwed, Let alone Gundam SEED Tech.

The Race from the Worldwar Novels tried Massive EMP Blasts against the WW2 Powers in their Invasion of Earth... It doesnt work against Vacuum Tube Technology... Aka WW2.
9/7/2008 c101 LordRevanMandaloreofZutara
Very enjoyable chapter. Angry Sky is actually more merciful then I would have thought it would be. But then Zaft as a general rule (Not counting Genesis) is more merciful then the EA. And the Cagalli likes whit langeria to show the blood, that wasn't in any of the chapters was it? Because I can't remember ever reading that?

Well thanks for all the quick updates. It was so worth the long wait. Can't wait to see how Sai will die, I mean react.
9/7/2008 c100 LordRevanMandaloreofZutara
Poor Ashino. That's all I can say.

And I loved the time Noah and Frost spent talking together. Now that I think about it, Frost reminds me of Darth Nihlus. Very evil guy. Very good chapter.
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