for A Cigarette Shared8/22/2007 c1 LadyChees
Aw!
Cute Story!
Aw!
Cute Story!
2/12/2006 c1 
62Blahsblah2001
Someone else picked up on that, too. Cigarettes are great props in stories with shaky relationships. Like if Sanzo and GOjyo are on good terms trhey'll give each other a light or something and we will know that all is well with the 93 world.
((3, right? Yeah, I think so)
_melissa
62Blahsblah2001Someone else picked up on that, too. Cigarettes are great props in stories with shaky relationships. Like if Sanzo and GOjyo are on good terms trhey'll give each other a light or something and we will know that all is well with the 93 world.
((3, right? Yeah, I think so)
_melissa
2/11/2006 c1 7Ditch Gospel
This is a nice take on the Sanzo/Gojyo 'cigarette kiss' theme. It's angsty without being dark, and sweet without being sappy.
The one technical point I think you need to work on is point of view changes. Throughout this story, you keep switching back and forth from Sanzo and Gojyo's perspectives, and I did find it a little detracting and hard to follow. Point of view changes are one thing that I struggle with myself, so I know how difficult it can be.
Beyond that, I think this is a good, solid piece of writing. I like your balance between descritiveness and emotion, and I also like the way you used the game of solitaire to emphasize the lonely mood. The cigarette, the cards, the newspaper... you've used all the props just so to set up the scene. Good work, I hope to see more from you in the future!
7Ditch GospelThis is a nice take on the Sanzo/Gojyo 'cigarette kiss' theme. It's angsty without being dark, and sweet without being sappy.
The one technical point I think you need to work on is point of view changes. Throughout this story, you keep switching back and forth from Sanzo and Gojyo's perspectives, and I did find it a little detracting and hard to follow. Point of view changes are one thing that I struggle with myself, so I know how difficult it can be.
Beyond that, I think this is a good, solid piece of writing. I like your balance between descritiveness and emotion, and I also like the way you used the game of solitaire to emphasize the lonely mood. The cigarette, the cards, the newspaper... you've used all the props just so to set up the scene. Good work, I hope to see more from you in the future!
2/10/2006 c1 jarm
Loved it. Pure and simple love.
Loved it. Pure and simple love.