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3/21/2007 c1 1bmp112
7/21/2006 c1 dwencxiehxwqe
taco taco burrito tacotaco burrito taco taco burrito taco taco burrito taco taco burrito. i like eggs ilike eggs i like eggs i like eggs ilike eggs i like eggs i likeeggs i like eggs ilike eggs i like eggs i like eggs.. ilike tacobell ilike tacobell.yo homie yo homie yo homie yo homie
6/16/2006 c7 12Previlion
Hey, this story is pretty good. Although the chapters are a bit small, and everything seems to be moving too fast, still a pretty decent story. Keep it up. I look forward to the next chapters. Till then...

4/18/2006 c2 3Jiro
"Okay now that's cheating". That was pretty cool. I liked the arena fight. His attitude is also pretty funny. Harry Potter huh? Really want to see what you plan to do with this. And yes, you made a decent cliff hanger.
4/18/2006 c1 Jiro
Not bad. Exellent reinactment of the final fight. I loved it. Just one should either have someone edit it or read over it yourself. There were quite a bit of spelling and grammer mistakes. I do the same thing. Just take the time to edit it and it will read a lot smoother. Can't wait to see where this goes.
2/27/2006 c7 Dark
Hermione, where is Ginny? Oh, and my friend is checking Hogsmeade. Ron, pass the nerds. Oh, and did you ever start dating Hermione?*Gives an all-knowing smirk and teaches Ron how to woo girls while eating Nerds.* Sister, ok, ill just take the girl next door to a seafood( which I wont eat) Restaurant. Navi, want a chocalate bar? Oh, and are you related to Tinkerbell? Brother, try harder, the short battles and chapters are murder. start using !s instead of commas to show exclamation. You have potential Dude.
2/25/2006 c6 lee skatear
It mad NO sense at all. It SUCKED!
2/25/2006 c6 Dark
Hey Ron, tell Harry to loan me a couple thousand galleons for a firebolt. Hermione, my friend has a picture of you and is making out with it. Sister, whatcha doin' Saturday night, and can you date.(JK) Brother, nice chapter, your writing skill is improving, and please make your chapters longer. Oh, and Navi, your hips are big.Cya
2/25/2006 c6 tranze
it is very good

keep it like that i'm loving it
2/25/2006 c5 7tokaf
it is cool, well the new chapter is great hope you keep it loke that and put Dark Link more in to the story.

hope you keep it like your last chapter
2/24/2006 c1 3Chavvah
I don't do reviews often, but I decided I may as well try my hand at it this time.

Altogether, you have an extremely loose grasp on grammar and to a lesser extent, spelling. The one thing that you need to fix to at least make it readable is SPACES. The space bar is a key on the keyboard too-make use of it. After every period at the end of a sentence, there is a space before the next sentence begins. There are also spaces after commas and closing quotations. So a sentence like:

"Yes,of coarse,"said Dark Link.He went to Link and took out his sword."Die,"said Dark Link and swinged at the sword.

Besides the fact that you've got the wrong "coarse" (it's "course"), you need spaces. Once you apply spaces, most of your grammar will clear right up:

"Yes, of course," said Dark Link. He went to Link and took out his sword. "Die," said Dark Link and swung with the sword.

Other than odd spelling errors here and there, your spelling is pretty solid, so at this point I'd just push for spaces, and this would improve its readability immensely.

Lastly, your style is a little repetative, but in that regard I usually give leeway because style takes a lot of time to develop. You're still young, so you will have time to work on that as you continue to write. For now, realize that there are more ways to explain dialouge than "said _" or "yelled _." People also explain, query, ask, shout, scream, bellow, cry, wail, quip, croon, assert, object... You get the idea. I've found sometimes that writing dialouge like that is often unnecessary. If it's clear who's-saying-what, you don't have to explain to the readers, "_ said." For example:

"I'm ye's dark and despair.Your darkest hour.I am known as Dark Link.,"Said Dark Link.

You can simply write:

"I'm ye's dark and despair. Your darkest hour. I am known as Dark Link."

^ You can do this because readers already assume Dark Link is talking, so you don't need to remind them.

Anyway, good luck!
2/24/2006 c5 sk8terat
the only good part is the newset chapter.and enough with the harry potter.any way great fic, later
2/24/2006 c5 Dark
Sweet, oh and Ron, my sis thinks you're hot.ow,my sis just hit me.Ron, your sis is hot.(Ginny) Nice chapter. Hey Hermione, my friend says he likes bookworms. Cya
2/24/2006 c1 ghostyoshi
Very funny and a bit long though you story portrayed some of wht actually happens in the game though. It was very well written.
2/23/2006 c4 Dark
Sweet, im yer first reviewer!(for this story) Come on, fight scenes! Oh, and Ron, my sis says hi.XD! Nice chapter, only a few mistakes in spelling! Later- Your Loyal reviewer, Dark
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