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5/7/2013 c8 shugokage
Good story!
6/12/2008 c1 waterdragon719
Okay, I've been trying to PM you but for some reason my computer chucked a hissy fit when I tried to load your profile...eight times. So I've given up and I'm posting a review, and i'm even signing it anonymously so you can delete it afterwards :D

First off, YOUR'E STILL ALIVE! I was getting worried when I didn't hear from you lol.

Secondly, I swear I haven't given up n Below the Surface. I just hit a brick wall labelled 'Stupid Plotline' and am giving it a major revamp. Plus, no one was reading it anyway cos traffic has been so slow, so i may just pull it for a while. Until I get back from *La France* I shouldn't be writing at all, but it's taken me so litte time to write the Zelda fics and I have absolutly no homework so I've done it anyway :S guilty.

Thirdly, as far as beta-ing goes I don't really think I need one any more. Thanks a whole heap for helping out with ATGB, I couldn't have done it without you! But I'm handling it pretty well myself now, and I see you got yourself a Beta Profile! Yay! So now you can concentrate on your own writing... **


Thanks for your help, but I think below the surface might have to be temporarily (and I mean temporarily, I really like that story) plugged until I can speak English again. And sorry about the PM thing, I think it's cos you have so many Favs on your page. (Yay!)
8/23/2007 c1 18littleitalys
I like it, and I'm really mad that they didn't do a second one, I wanted to scream but anyways, Update soon.
9/1/2006 c8 16waterdragon719
Another successful chapter! *claps*

are they going to find Jackson at his house? Can't wait to find out!
7/24/2006 c1 SDBaroque
Meah. I read ch1... You could do better... After season 1 comes on DVD Im gonna rewatch it and make my own, answering some questions. Anyhow... I hate how you plan on them all killing the creatures... Miles would never help. Laura doesnt have the heart to kill em all. Rich might... Caitlin isnt the kind of character who would walk around with a gun shooting the damn things... Not that you'd make her do that...



7/12/2006 c7 waterdragon719
Nice...great to see it's much longer!

I hope you update soon! I can't wait to see what you come up with!
7/6/2006 c6 waterdragon719
Good chapter, nice to see it's a lot longer...

Still a bit stiff, but getting better. And I'm not completly sure Miles would really want to KILL the creatures, even if he could sum up enough anger. Just because he IS becoming one of them. But that is just an opinion...

Doing a good job. Keep going!
6/12/2006 c5 waterdragon719
Good for first fic. Needs more discription and the grammer could be better but otherwise, it's good.

Can't wait to see what happens next!
4/10/2006 c5 1Dreamer of Tales
Nice to see some more Surface fanfiction since I loved the show so much. You have a great idea. I think you just need to add more detail to the story. How are the characters feeling? What do they see? etc. The scenes just seem a little stiff. Keep writing as I can't wait to read the next chapter.
3/31/2006 c5 15IplayedInTraffic
This is really good. Keep up the good work!
3/20/2006 c1 Alex
it was OK for your first story but the grammar needs polishing up. :)
3/13/2006 c4 2DarkPsion
It needs a lot more detail. Try to get into the characters' heads, that will make it easier.
3/7/2006 c4 15Spooky4ever
uh, yea...it isnt too bad but the story seems a little, how should i put it, stiff. the chapters need to be longer and the characters seem to be out of character. try working on that.
3/2/2006 c4 Grace the Writer
Oh, boy, I've got a bunch of suggestions:

[] marks my examples.

First, try to get away from using 'said' all the time. If somebody asks a question, make them ask.

["Where are you going?" asked Phil.]

'Asked' can also be replaced with 'wondered' from time to time. Just don't use the same word for every sentence.

Longer chapters are a good thing. I do some writing myself here on and I find that my most satisfying chapters take up between 4 and 5 pages in MS Word. You mentioned earlier you know where you're going with this story. That's good. That's very good, but try to lengthen your chapters.

One way you can lengthen your chapters is by describing things. Get real descriptive. How are the characters feeling about what's going on? Happy? Angry? Annoyed? Write it down. Show us some facial expressions.

[Miles was slightly surprised to find that Phil had been the one to speak to him. The next feeling that came to him was one of relief.

"Good," Miles said, grinning. "You made it."

"Same to you," Phil laughed. Then, he turned serious. "I heard you guys talking about going after these creatures."

Miles nodded. "Yeah. We're gonna try to stop them, I guess." ]

This does seem like it has the potential to be pretty good, but like one of your other reviewers mentioned, it does seem a little cheezy. The characters are too agreeable. You saw the finale, right? In the car, they were all yelling at each other. "Get that thing out of the car!" "No! He's my pet!"

As it is, they seem a bit out of character. It sort of reminds me of games for young children where one person says, "Let's play a game!" and the other says, "Okay! What game?" The first person says, "I want to play tic-tac-toe," and the second says, "I don't like tic-tac-toe. Let's play checkers!" Though the first person originally said he wanted to play tic-tac-toe, he enthusiatically agrees to play checkers.

Your story seems to imply these characters are like that. I think Rich and Laura would be quite a bit more hesitant to allow Miles, Caitlin, and Phil to go with them and the parents of the kids would be suspicious. They don't know Rich and Laura. They'd probably ask what these two strangers needed their kids for.

Just some friendly suggestions... only, I got a bit more carried away than I thought I would. Maybe it's for the better I did. :)

Most importantly, have fun writing. It seems you do. I hope I didn't kill your enthusiasm. That's not my intent. I love to write and like helping people with their writing. I hope you become a better writer from my suggestions instead of deciding it's too difficult and giving up entirely.

I'll keep my eyes on this story since it really does have the potential to be very good.

2/28/2006 c4 nyrocat
love the story, keep up the good work!
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