for Werewolf in titan tower3/21/2009 c2 
4Vi-Violence
hey, um, you have a little problem with how this story is flowing, you may have noticed, and this is NOT A FLAME this falls under the tips for improvement it says at the end of the little note under the submit feedback/review button,
okay, so your issue is that you are telling your readers whats happening instead of showing them, its like this
the girl had long brown hair and blue eyes
-kinda dull right?
try this-
the girls long brown hair fell forward, almost completly hiding her blue eyes
-sounds better that way dosen't it? if you don't get what i'm saying feel free to ask
4Vi-Violencehey, um, you have a little problem with how this story is flowing, you may have noticed, and this is NOT A FLAME this falls under the tips for improvement it says at the end of the little note under the submit feedback/review button,
okay, so your issue is that you are telling your readers whats happening instead of showing them, its like this
the girl had long brown hair and blue eyes
-kinda dull right?
try this-
the girls long brown hair fell forward, almost completly hiding her blue eyes
-sounds better that way dosen't it? if you don't get what i'm saying feel free to ask
6/10/2006 c2 3ravanwolf
Yep, it's better that chapter 1, but chapter 1 was great too. Continue soon please.
3ravanwolfYep, it's better that chapter 1, but chapter 1 was great too. Continue soon please.
3/12/2006 c1 7darkkfaery
this is really good, don't be put down by some lame reviewers, exspecially when they're anonymous. the discription is good as well as the story. maybe some more 'specific' dialouge would do the trick and try and use believable concepts in the story. explain the stories backround and the reader's attention will be hooked for good. don't get caught up in distractions further in the story. Stick to one sentence at a time and let the good times roll. With this advice this story is good to go. I can't stand watching unhelping reviews that only make the author feel like crap, so i pray this comes to good use. Hope to hear an update, and a plot to the story.
laterz,
~darkkfaery
7darkkfaerythis is really good, don't be put down by some lame reviewers, exspecially when they're anonymous. the discription is good as well as the story. maybe some more 'specific' dialouge would do the trick and try and use believable concepts in the story. explain the stories backround and the reader's attention will be hooked for good. don't get caught up in distractions further in the story. Stick to one sentence at a time and let the good times roll. With this advice this story is good to go. I can't stand watching unhelping reviews that only make the author feel like crap, so i pray this comes to good use. Hope to hear an update, and a plot to the story.
laterz,
~darkkfaery
3/12/2006 c1 27Korgeta
While the opening paragraph was fine there some rushed issues such as the fact a werewolf attacks star out of the blue. How star just walks out of med bay or that raven dosen't even try to stop her espacilly if raven knew what was going to happen to her or had happen. Star finding out she had a tail and wolf ears of a sudden is just silly. Its an unexplicable and unbeliveable element. So if this is going to be an unusual attempt to humour then I suggest you change 'horror' to 'humour' on your category.
27KorgetaWhile the opening paragraph was fine there some rushed issues such as the fact a werewolf attacks star out of the blue. How star just walks out of med bay or that raven dosen't even try to stop her espacilly if raven knew what was going to happen to her or had happen. Star finding out she had a tail and wolf ears of a sudden is just silly. Its an unexplicable and unbeliveable element. So if this is going to be an unusual attempt to humour then I suggest you change 'horror' to 'humour' on your category.
3/12/2006 c1 boring
this is stupid
this is stupid