for What Might Be5/2/2009 c4 VeLoCiDrOmE
"...but regrowing a head including brains and stuff? I don’t think so, which would make Naruto very much dead..."
I don't think so. Why would Kyuubi regrow the HEAD? He would just regrow the BODY. That means no brains. I think that is very possible.
"...but regrowing a head including brains and stuff? I don’t think so, which would make Naruto very much dead..."
I don't think so. Why would Kyuubi regrow the HEAD? He would just regrow the BODY. That means no brains. I think that is very possible.
5/1/2009 c5 Meatzman2
Interesting concept. Hadn't read anything like this before. It's let down at times by your mediocre writing but it still works.
By mediocre what I mean is that your spelling and grammar are for the most part decent. Your word choice and word order are both a little colloquial at times but that's fine.
It was good, not great, but good.
Interesting concept. Hadn't read anything like this before. It's let down at times by your mediocre writing but it still works.
By mediocre what I mean is that your spelling and grammar are for the most part decent. Your word choice and word order are both a little colloquial at times but that's fine.
It was good, not great, but good.
5/1/2009 c5 
14RahXephon
A great short read. I enjoy your interpretation of the future of the Ninja Nations, although I'm disappointed that I won't be seeing more of it. Still, this has been an excellent read for me.
14RahXephonA great short read. I enjoy your interpretation of the future of the Ninja Nations, although I'm disappointed that I won't be seeing more of it. Still, this has been an excellent read for me.
3/26/2009 c5 accallia
Woah. Excellent job here, truly spectacular! Your style and subtle mystery give this story its appropriate tone, parts both haunting and nostalgic and purposeful. And it becomes oh so RIGHT. Fantastic.
The way you never used his name gave much to the identity he tried to lose, to kill. It was a good effect you added in, something that deserves recognition. Its got my vote at least.
Be proud of your writing, it is something incredible.
Ah. On a side note, do you know of any other good "Naruto-turns-immortal-and-live-on" stories? I've got an itch for them at the moment (though your story more than satisfied it, the memory still lingers). I'd be grateful!
Woah. Excellent job here, truly spectacular! Your style and subtle mystery give this story its appropriate tone, parts both haunting and nostalgic and purposeful. And it becomes oh so RIGHT. Fantastic.
The way you never used his name gave much to the identity he tried to lose, to kill. It was a good effect you added in, something that deserves recognition. Its got my vote at least.
Be proud of your writing, it is something incredible.
Ah. On a side note, do you know of any other good "Naruto-turns-immortal-and-live-on" stories? I've got an itch for them at the moment (though your story more than satisfied it, the memory still lingers). I'd be grateful!
1/12/2009 c5 mountainelements
Wow, this is really good. I don't think I've ever read anything like this before.
Wow, this is really good. I don't think I've ever read anything like this before.
12/18/2008 c5 G
"His respect for the old man grows exponentially because he can feel the stiffness of age in his joints and bones." Unless I misunderstood this then you meant that Naruto, using Henge, felt the old mans pain. That doesn't at all make sence. Why would wanna be ninja be taught the Henge if it is so advanced? The way you portrayed this it seems like a Polyjuice potion that also incorporates clothing. It could also mean that Naruto mastered the Henge and created a new better version.
Really great story now that I've finished reading it. It's just interesting enough for the reader (at least this reader) to keep reading the next chapter, and it's short enough that the interest is kept to the end of the story. Great finish.
"His respect for the old man grows exponentially because he can feel the stiffness of age in his joints and bones." Unless I misunderstood this then you meant that Naruto, using Henge, felt the old mans pain. That doesn't at all make sence. Why would wanna be ninja be taught the Henge if it is so advanced? The way you portrayed this it seems like a Polyjuice potion that also incorporates clothing. It could also mean that Naruto mastered the Henge and created a new better version.
Really great story now that I've finished reading it. It's just interesting enough for the reader (at least this reader) to keep reading the next chapter, and it's short enough that the interest is kept to the end of the story. Great finish.
12/18/2008 c4 G
It's not so much the style as the lack of chakra, ninja and Naruto that makes it less interesting than it could be.
That is just something me personally don't like in a Naruto fic. Really, as long as Naruto is present and killing someone sometime I can read pretty much any Naruto fic. As long as there is a plot, which this one does have. You should've shown Naruto assassinating someone. Not holding the weapon after the act, but show how it happens. That is if you can make it work without the plot and/or story telling suffering. Always put the plot and story telling first.
On to the last chapter.
It's not so much the style as the lack of chakra, ninja and Naruto that makes it less interesting than it could be.
That is just something me personally don't like in a Naruto fic. Really, as long as Naruto is present and killing someone sometime I can read pretty much any Naruto fic. As long as there is a plot, which this one does have. You should've shown Naruto assassinating someone. Not holding the weapon after the act, but show how it happens. That is if you can make it work without the plot and/or story telling suffering. Always put the plot and story telling first.
On to the last chapter.
12/18/2008 c2 G
Awesome, killing someone with an apple-core! Can't say I've seen that before.
The story is just interesting enough to have me read on. Good enough story so far.
Awesome, killing someone with an apple-core! Can't say I've seen that before.
The story is just interesting enough to have me read on. Good enough story so far.
12/18/2008 c1 G
This is rather interesting.
This is rather interesting.