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8/23/2016 c33 GuestWithATude
Making yourself canon? Indulgent but whatever. Next time, I'd suggest you watch some episodes first so you can avoid being shot for making Canon OOC.
8/22/2016 c19 GuestWithATude
Ok, here I must eat some of my words. Kind of.

I still think it takes guts to post what you've written for the masses to see (and pick apart) and I, like all of us, have read some doozies that make me want to scream, "Have you even watched the show?" but I had to seek out the story on which chapter 19 was based.

I must chastise you for killing the Sue too early because she killed herself later on anyway. While Face was working some magic on her in the shower, she "throws her head back and breathes in the warm water". I only hoped she drowned as I couldn't read anymore...
8/22/2016 c14 GuestWithAnTude
You're very critical, and often unkind, yet you commit the same errors you accuse others of. (Watch that preposition dangle!)
My biggest complaint, however, is the lengths to which you go to accomplish said criticisms. Lengths. Literally. Pun intended. If you want to make fun of 30 stories, it's a free country, but each chapter drones on and on and the dialogue is superfluous.
Those in glass houses and all...
5/20/2012 c26 15Michelle the Editor
"Murdock was beautiful. He was not dress in his usual clothes but dress like a God."

I'm going to say he's dressed like...Loki, cow-horns helmet and all. I've got Avengers on the brain, what can I say?

Cronies apparating? Oh hey, there's the fantasy bit-but how did the Stu get Harry Potter wizards as cronies? *Shrug.*

I can only wonder what country the authors of this fic live in. The combination of horrendous English and the complete naivete about homosexuality in the eighties baffle me.
5/20/2012 c25 Michelle the Editor
Alcoholism: it's a serious mental, medical and emotional problem, except when it isn't.

This is the first PPCing I've read having become a real fan of the A-Team, and hoo boy, did Savanah have it coming. Hugging Stockwell sounds about as sweet as hugging a boa constrictor. Even for a show which primarily depends on silly action, that mission was ridiculous.

Thank you for putting your Agents through this!
6/1/2011 c31 21JudasFm
Hooray, finally a badfic I've actually read! I want to review all chapters of this story, but you'll have to bear with me; I tend to skip around (one thing I do love about this story is that each chapter is self-contained; I can just pick one at random) ;-)

pulled the remote activator form - from

"What's up." - Because Allison's asking a question, this should be written as, "What's up?"

"The first Sue to make BA out of character. Quite an accomplishment." - No kidding! I find his speech patterns hard to get down, but writing him OOC really is a feat of bad penmanship ;-)

"BA doesn't do disguises," Tasmin said. "Ever." - Wrong. BA doesn't do disguises like Face does (and there's probably nobody alive who does them like Hannibal!) but he does them. Remember in Judgment Day when he was disguised as a guy in a wheelchair? Or Beverly Hills Assault, when he was disguised as a rich guy complete with suit?

BA pulled Murdock out of his room and thrust a janitor uniform into his arms. - I think the agents missed a plot hole here; if Murdock is outside his room, how in the world is he supposed to disguise himself as a janitor? Surely someone's going to notice one of the inmates stripping off in the middle of a corridor? ;-)

Allison glared at her partner. The glare lasted only a moment. A time rift knocked the agent off her feet. - Short sentences can be effective, but here it reads a lot like the brief catch-up you write for the Suefic. Was the time rift the reason that the glare only lasted a moment? If so, you might want to make it a little clearer :-)

"She's only 5 inches tall. Can't be easy having to share a wardrobe with Barbie." - Oh, I don't know; there'd be enough clothes to choose from XD This line really made me grin. One small note though; in dialog, numbers (including dates, times and measurements) should always be written longhand. So "5 inches tall" should be "five inches tall".

"How does this Sue think BA managed to travel a distance that requires the Team to fly in for the mission in only three hours more than it took Murdock to get back to LA?" - It's been a while since I read this fic, so please feel free to take this comment with a pinch of salt, but I don't remember distance being a factor. How do they know that it wasn't a couple miles away and they just wanted Murdock around for air support? For that matter, couldn't Face have scammed a car?

"He might as well be a Transformer." - Heh heh. Actually, I could just see BA as one of those ;-)

"BA has undoubtedly already seen who's in the room with Murdock." - Only if he pushed his nose right up against the glass and peered in (those windows are very small) and that seems pretty OOC even if he did hear the Sue. He's far more likely just to open the door and barge on in.

"These scene breaks are almost as annoying as no scene breaks." - To be honest, I felt the same thing about the scene break you used at the beginning of this chapter. While a few are essential (you can't write every minute of every hour of every day) you could easily have taken out the scene break and linked the opening of the portal to the arrival in the VA with a couple of sentences.

Reading on and linking this in with the above, scene breaks are used to mark large passages of time. You really don't need to use them every single time your agents open a portal, which is what you seem to be doing.

The nurse gave her a startled look, but because the fic dictated that she kept walking, she could not respond to Tasmin before she had to turn a corner. - I like the idea of characters not being able to do anything outside the fic. Clever idea :D

The agents turned around and went back inside. - This made me giggle. Poor agents; all that running around after the A-Team for nothing! Might as well have stayed in the VA and put their feet up ;-)

"Rather than immediately offer to sort Lynch out."

"This guy couldn't be further out of character if this story was set in a mirror universe." - Are you still talking about Face? Since when did he turn into BA and get all, "I'm gonna pummel anyone who threatens my friends!" What your character's suggesting is about as far OOC for Face as it's possible to get. If you didn't mean to imply that, then you might want to change your wording; 'sort someone out' in many places translates to 'beat them to a pulp'.

"Major Houlihan was a major in the Korean War." - Ah yes. Now I want to dig out my M*A*S*H* DVDs ;-) On a side note, though, while it's a fair point here, don't rely on TV shows for accuracy. If your agents believe M*A*S*H* had to be 'real', then they'd also believe that the Korean War went on for about six or seven years (based on the number of Christmases) and there were black surgeons in the unit (believe it or not, there weren't :S)

"Charge for letting Murdock make stupid assumptions." - Good, but I think your guys missed another one. Hannibal is an expert on military history, plus he was an officer in Korea and Vietnam. If there were female Majors, he would know about it and would have commented.

"Parents are supposed to not mentally abuse their kids with awful nicknames." - Ooh boy. If Allison never had to suffer her parents calling her things like "Peach" or "Sweet-Pea" or "my little Munchkin" in front of people, then her childhood was so sickeningly perfect it almost qualifies as Sueness (or maybe anti-Sue, given the typical Sue's background, but you get the idea) ;-)

"If I have to destroy any tea merchants to help fight them off, I will," - This made me laugh out loud. I would be right behind her; I can't stand that stuff XD

She pulled her Colt M1911 - I was going to mention this in the second chapter (or the most recent) but it seems to crop up in a lot of chapters, so I'll stick it in here ;-) This is getting way too specific. It's fine to say that a gun is a Colt as opposed to an Uzi or a Beretta, but any more details look clumsy and can sometimes give the impression that you're trying to show off.

"We charge you with making a nurse sing your further glory and the positive effect you have on Murdock." - I understand where you're coming from, but this really should not be a charge. Nurses and carers of mental patients often do this regardless of whether or not someone is a Sue. I know someone who works with Alzheimer patients and she's often praising the daughter or son or relative or friend of various patients, saying how much better that patient is while that person's there. Believe me, it's a tough job; you're grateful for anyone who can make it that bit easier.

"We charge you with having your own team and working your own missions in Britain." - Fair charge, but your characters may want to explain it a little more like they do with the Lynch charge :-) Putting it like this sounds like they're giving the Sue way too much credit without highlighting the implausibility of it all.

I know I've said this before, but I really like how you add the helpful notes at the end of the fic :-)
5/21/2011 c35 19sliz225
Whoa . . . I really love these PPC stories. I'm searching their archive now, but so far, Agents Tasmin and Allison are my favorites.

These are funny, inventive, and very satisfying for those of us who loath the charges you bring against fanfics. The fics you parody are so jawdroppingly bad it's actually funny. Tasmin and Allison are two prime examples of OC's done right-lots of witty banter, friends beneath their teasing, flawed but sympathetic, and without painfully detailed descriptions of clothes/looks/romances, etc.

I have some nitpicks, of course. The duffel bag o' wonder does provide a little too much deus ex machina to be funny. There are also a few weird grammar/spelling mix ups. "A few more commas would be nice," she said, almost apologetically. Note the comma between 'said' and 'almost.' 'Parents' instead of 'partners' and a few similar mistakes were probably due to that damn Auto-Correct I'm always disabling, but if you're parodying fics for bad grammar, you're held to higher standard. Normally, I don't criticize like this, but you said you wanted critical feedback, so I did. *Gives a shifty, apologetic grin.*

Overall, though, I really enjoy these PPC fics. I have to give you the highest compliment I can give a (presumably) unpublished author: All day, I kept searching for the book I was reading, before remember it was actually 'only' fanfic.
5/10/2011 c24 15Michelle the Editor
For bad guys, everything is explained by "he's mad." For Sues, it's a tragic past. Not only does it mean she's totally not at fault for everything, but the Power of Luurve can cure it...somehow. Hannibal Smith, overprotective? What show was Howlin' Mad Suzie watching?
5/10/2011 c23 Michelle the Editor
Nice way of handling a revising Suethor. Tasmin's knowledge makes me feel like I'm learning something whenever Sues get their weapons and vehicles wrong. Ooh, ooh, which Doctor was it?
4/21/2011 c35 Michelle the Editor
GLOMP!

-

Ahem.

I've, ah, "encountered" CassidyRachel's fics before, and reviewing is like talking to a brick wall. However, I've talked to another girl who wrote like this, and from our resulting long conversation, I think it's possible that CassidyRachel is just not the sharpest knife in the drawer, no offense to her. Trollfic or not, you have made me very, very happy with this mission. I've been trying to figure out the names of all the little doodles and symbols on the keyboard, so thank you for teaching me ampersand.
4/19/2011 c35 33trecebo
Whoa. Blind monkeys. That's all I have to say about that. Well, that and yikes! Trolls with no proper punc-schway skills.

Time to eat trolls! versus Time to eat, trolls! woof
4/17/2011 c34 15Michelle the Editor
The nice thing about this fic is I can read in pretty much whatever order I want. Oh yes, self-confidence versus actual competence-amen to everything you said! Why do so many writers forget to apply logic to their fics? I love the snarky interplay between Tasmin and Allison.
12/24/2010 c1 21JudasFm
Although I've read the entire story, I have a lot to say about all of it, so I'll take it on a chapter-by-chapter basis (as I find time!) :)

First of all, some general comments for the whole story: I love the concept behind Protectors of the Plot Continuum (okay, I know according to the disclaimer you didn't create it, but I still love it)!

I like the relationship between Allison and Tasmin; it's well done and makes for a good read. However, they seem very over-zealous at times, getting confused between what is uncommon and actually non-canon and charging Sues accordingly (more on that later with chapter examples :)) Strictly speaking it doesn't matter, since even if that particular charge doesn't stick, the 9,867 charges already levied against a Sue is enough, but it jerks me out of the story a little.

The opening paragraphs made me chuckle; the idea of a daisy shoving a person into the room is just classic! Someone ought to do a picture of that...

The advantage of not having a partner was that you could ask stupid questions.

This sentence doesn't make sense to me. If Allison doesn't have a partner, who does she ask the stupid questions of? If she does have a partner, then why is she thinking about the advantage of not having one?

Five minutes in the office and you can already start work

I like this, but the second part reads a little clumsily for me. Maybe something like, "Five minutes in the office and you're starting work already." Just a thought :)

"Sues don't improve with age" – nicely put and very true!

boy-friend is one word, no hyphen :)

Technically, canon characters can't see PPC officers until pointed out by non-canon characters. However, Tasmin was in the habit of stealth and that is a hard habit to break. – Nice explanation (and it does save the reader wondering!) but the change into present tense makes it read like an Author's Note inserted into the middle of the story. It would read more smoothly if it had stayed in the past.

Allison mocked. "Father dead, mother dead, uncle coo-coo." Allison whistled... – Try thinking of other ways to describe who's speaking besides using their name every time. Since there's no line break and the last person to speak was Allison, you could just as easily have said "She whistled..."; it would look a little better :)

If Becky has an older brother, wouldn't that guy be Murdock's nephew – It's hard to comment on this accurately, since I never read the original Sue-story and don't know if I've missed anything. But I didn't read anything to give the impression that Hannibal thought this guy wasn't Murdock's nephew (in fact, since the guy has apparently disappeared at birth and later been kidnapped, then the colonel's comment about "any family of Murdock's is a family of ours" would suggest otherwise).

Then write her up for not giving enough description so I had to make up a plane myself – This is what I mean by being over-zealous. Most readers don't deliberately invent something that doesn't fit into the story (ie, thinking a six-seater plane is 'medium-sized') so why does Tasmin?

And write her up for having Hannibal organize a plane – Why is this a write-up offense? Although Face is the main plane scammer, Hannibal has done it in the series (in the episode "The Only Church in Town"). While it's certainly unusual to have the colonel organize the plane, it's not uncanonical.

I love the CAD :D

"Except BA. But Hannibal getting on his knees for her worries me."

"Because of his age, or because it seems out of character?" – This made me laugh out loud; nice one!

They walked across the front porch roof and jumped down. Then they quickly headed for their car. – In description, it's not good to start a sentence with 'Then' (or 'And', or 'Which'...an exception is if you switch to a character's thoughts or impressions). I guess this paragraph is to quickly fill us in on what's happening in the Sue-story, but it's still not good; these two sentences could be combined into one longer, smoother sentence very easily (...jumped down, then quickly headed for their car).

Tasmin felled him with one neath shot through the head. – Two (very minor) things here. First, I'm assuming you meant 'neat', not 'neath' ;) Second, 'felled' is a very strange word to use. You don't 'fell' someone with a Beretta; you take them down, or you kill them, or you shoot them. Fell is usually reserved for punches, sometimes swords and/or arrows and rarely seen outside fantasy or nineteenth-century novels. And, of course, if you're talking about trees ;)

"We're the P-Team," – Heh heh =P

Tasmin said and point her gun at Trent – Another tense change. Not major, but it breaks up the flow of the story a little :)

About the charges...does using red sheets really make a character a Mary-Sue? Seducing Face (or Hannibal, or Murdock, or Decker, or whoever the Sue/Author fancies)...yes. But charging them for the color of their sheets?

One final note: I really like how you offer comments at the end of each chapter, trying to help the author improve :) It's a nice touch and (unlike some people who do similar things) it shows you remember there's a person behind these stories. Even Sue creators have feelings :)

No offense is meant at any time during this review. If offense was taken or you feel like I've stomped on your toes, please accept my apologies and a little backhander for a foot massage ;)
9/16/2010 c34 33trecebo
Methinks it's called wussing out. Those kind of fics are simply bad form.

Be careful with Tas. She might start being sent into good fics and pointing out what was done correctly...
9/5/2010 c33 trecebo
Glad I skipped that story. Bad enough that 17 yr. olds act like they do. Don't need Face regressing, too. Yikes!
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