for Motocrossed2/9/2017 c1 Michelle
Just need to point something out- identical twins need to be the same gender as well. A boy and his twin sister are not identical .
Just need to point something out- identical twins need to be the same gender as well. A boy and his twin sister are not identical .
10/5/2009 c1 Sam
just thought you might want to know that rory and david can't be identical twins, they can only be fraternal twins.
just thought you might want to know that rory and david can't be identical twins, they can only be fraternal twins.
9/26/2006 c2 jessika personett
gowd do you have to make the story so long i mean if its a good story the make it long. this one is one of your better ones you have rory liking dirtbike and raceing them, you should have rory and tristan race on the dirtbikes with the whole school watching i mean come on you have to agree that it would be the best story at least think about it
if you do will you email me and tell me the title and what number it is pretty pretty please with cheer on top!
love lots jessika
gowd do you have to make the story so long i mean if its a good story the make it long. this one is one of your better ones you have rory liking dirtbike and raceing them, you should have rory and tristan race on the dirtbikes with the whole school watching i mean come on you have to agree that it would be the best story at least think about it
if you do will you email me and tell me the title and what number it is pretty pretty please with cheer on top!
love lots jessika
8/9/2006 c2 
7ilovebuttfacemiscreants
That was really good but i thought this was suposed to be a rogan I LOVE ROGAN
7ilovebuttfacemiscreantsThat was really good but i thought this was suposed to be a rogan I LOVE ROGAN
4/30/2006 c2 16butterflyKisses26
I just finished reading the two chapters you've posted so far and I just thought I'd leave a review. Usually, when I review I try and give some constructive criticism to the author, so, here we go (I hope you don't take anything that I'm about to say personally).
The first thing that I noticed as I was reading was that everything was dialouge. There really wasn't any description of scenery or actions or anything that would really draw the reader into the story. When I'm reading a story, I like to know what the surroundings are like and what the characters are doing (ie. facial expressions, actions, the way they look/dress). It just really helps me to enjoy the story if I know what all is happening in the background.
Second, the characters seem...well, lacking. There's no real personality showing through (at least not that I can see). Also, using extra narritive (see my first note) can help to bring out personalities. A description of a character's past or thier hobbies can really help to bring out a personality and have it shine through in the story.
Third, you keep saying you're 14 and that that's the reason your story isn't that great. But you know what, I hate when people blame something on thier age, it's as if it's a cop-out, like you're saying that your story sucks but "hey, who cares, I'm fourteen, I'm allowed to write something that sucks." I don't like that. If you think your story sucks then fix it. Just 'cause you're 14 doesn't mean that you can't edit your work, or ask someone to be a beta for you. I've been writing since I was really young, and I've always strived to do my best, or better. It really annoys me when young writers think that they can just blame a lack of trying on thier age. Youth has nothing to do with writing that isn't great. You need to work on your writing, perfect the art. But, if your writing doesn't improve than that means that either A- you're not meant to write, or B- you're not trying hard enough. Even the worst writers can better themselves, it just takes work. So don't ever let me hear you use your age as an excuse.
Well, that's about all that I saw for right now. As more chapters come out I'll read them and see what constructive criticism I can give.
PS. Sorry if my third point seemed a bit harsh. I don't try to sound mean or anything, I just really hate when people use excuses for bad writing (not that your's is terrible, it just needs work). Anyways, I wish you much luck.
16butterflyKisses26I just finished reading the two chapters you've posted so far and I just thought I'd leave a review. Usually, when I review I try and give some constructive criticism to the author, so, here we go (I hope you don't take anything that I'm about to say personally).
The first thing that I noticed as I was reading was that everything was dialouge. There really wasn't any description of scenery or actions or anything that would really draw the reader into the story. When I'm reading a story, I like to know what the surroundings are like and what the characters are doing (ie. facial expressions, actions, the way they look/dress). It just really helps me to enjoy the story if I know what all is happening in the background.
Second, the characters seem...well, lacking. There's no real personality showing through (at least not that I can see). Also, using extra narritive (see my first note) can help to bring out personalities. A description of a character's past or thier hobbies can really help to bring out a personality and have it shine through in the story.
Third, you keep saying you're 14 and that that's the reason your story isn't that great. But you know what, I hate when people blame something on thier age, it's as if it's a cop-out, like you're saying that your story sucks but "hey, who cares, I'm fourteen, I'm allowed to write something that sucks." I don't like that. If you think your story sucks then fix it. Just 'cause you're 14 doesn't mean that you can't edit your work, or ask someone to be a beta for you. I've been writing since I was really young, and I've always strived to do my best, or better. It really annoys me when young writers think that they can just blame a lack of trying on thier age. Youth has nothing to do with writing that isn't great. You need to work on your writing, perfect the art. But, if your writing doesn't improve than that means that either A- you're not meant to write, or B- you're not trying hard enough. Even the worst writers can better themselves, it just takes work. So don't ever let me hear you use your age as an excuse.
Well, that's about all that I saw for right now. As more chapters come out I'll read them and see what constructive criticism I can give.
PS. Sorry if my third point seemed a bit harsh. I don't try to sound mean or anything, I just really hate when people use excuses for bad writing (not that your's is terrible, it just needs work). Anyways, I wish you much luck.
4/24/2006 c2 1anjamae
I find your age believable. All the LOLs pretty much gave it a way. I'm with you about the identical twin thing. WHO CARES! Interesting Rory, she still has some of her attributes but not all. I like it... so far.
1anjamaeI find your age believable. All the LOLs pretty much gave it a way. I'm with you about the identical twin thing. WHO CARES! Interesting Rory, she still has some of her attributes but not all. I like it... so far.
4/19/2006 c2 anon
it's called spell check. your age has nothing to do with it. just learn to check your spelling and proof what you write before posting it. it's crap right now.
it's called spell check. your age has nothing to do with it. just learn to check your spelling and proof what you write before posting it. it's crap right now.
4/19/2006 c2 jocelyn
i love it!
its so good i love the way you have done rory shes more "sasy" lol its so good please wright more!
i love it!
its so good i love the way you have done rory shes more "sasy" lol its so good please wright more!
4/18/2006 c2 1SweetPsychotic2358
Nice chapter...I really like your story...keep updating! I know that thers'e only so much a person can do. But thanks for writing anyway.
1SweetPsychotic2358Nice chapter...I really like your story...keep updating! I know that thers'e only so much a person can do. But thanks for writing anyway.