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8/14/2017 c18 fic fan
great story! thanks for sharing.
10/2/2016 c18 hmasjackal
Look this fic is dead and pointless to offer any view on this.

Just wanted to respond to the review left by Fulgrim. Many years have passed since your review but one thing is clear: You are a muppet.

You "gave" a heavily detail orientated military fiction story to a bunch of girls to read. And they didn't get past chapter two. Was that a shock to you? Females, in the main, aren't detail orientated. That's what makes the majority of them unsuited to fields that require such a skill. Of course they're not going to get into the story.

Despite what your Women's Studies Professor has told you, men and women are different. On so many fundamental levels. They, for instance, love Worm. As I'm sure you do.

You muppet.

Now, for those of us ex-military types who love the detail put into stories such as these, we lament it's apparent passing.


I could fisk each and every point you've made but you logic failed yourself so no need to.

You muppet.

And please enjoy your next Worm shipper story.
8/28/2015 c18 jag389
first I hope this fines you well. this is a very well done story. I hope you well finish it some day.
3/14/2014 c18 Hyperion
It started out as an interesting story, but a lot of chapters seem to drag on and on with exposition and lengthy filler and background discussions that really don't do much to move the plot along. The basic premise of adding some realism to Stargate is interesting, but in a lot of cases it seems as if you're really not familiar with either SG-1 or SGA for some details, or it seems like some military fiction story that just happens to use Stargate names.

Sorry, but I would not recommend this story.
1/18/2014 c6 EvilTheLast
Just read the first 6 chapters. I hope you update soon.
9/15/2013 c18 MyRandomName
Great story, I hope you continue it some day I was looking forward to seeing how things unfold.
3/19/2013 c3 13StargateFFWriter
Wow-a culture that uses the same brutality on the Ori priors that the Ori and their ideologically aligned human offspring use.

Hope we'll findout how these Roman soldiers, who I presume are the descendants of the chapter 1 missing Romans, incapacitated the Prior.
3/5/2013 c18 HelpfulHinter5
Reading through this, one of your biggest weaknesses seems to be writing 'international' characters. One can get away with a lot writing about aliens as you can just make everything up, but with real-world cultures that aren't your own, it's a bit trickier.

The British characters get the most exposure and are consequently the most obviously unrealistic. It appears that you've neither been to the United Kingdom before, nor met anyone from it in real life.

If you want to get a better feel for how to write British military characters, I recommend the following fanfics/fanfic series:
- The 'Stargate Ragnarok' series by Sealurk; post-SG-1 Season 10, a British Stargate program is set up to fight a race of alien 'werewolves', the Fenrir of ancient Norse mythology.
- 'Stargate XT-1' by UnionJack2.0 (it hasn't been updated since 2006, but she/he clearly knew her/his stuff and then some).
- The 'UNIT UK' series by ComsatAngel; it's set in the 1970s, but it affords an excellent depiction of British troops fighting various aliens using standard-issue and improvised weapons alike.
- 'No Fate: The Collected Data Files' by Elgin; British troops first appear in Chapter 10. Not much Stargate stuff in it yet, but this guy REALLY knows his stuff about the British military in general and the SAS in particular.

I also recommend you read the novel 'The Age of Odin' by James Lovegrove, and watch the film 'Dog Soldiers'; both offer excellent insights into the capabilities and culture of the British fighting man.

Hope you find this useful,

5/16/2012 c18 Maktair1990
i was wandering if you ever were going to update this story. if you do then bring back that cardinal and the vatican. I like to see the how Catholic church and other religions take the news.
4/23/2012 c18 ichibankenshi
This is a fantastic Story! Please continue it! I have a military background (Vet USN) and was a Civilian Combat veteran of Desert Storm (USAF F117) under arms as a combatant. I am now retried and used to work for the Lockheed Skunkworks as a Senior Staff Engineer. This story has much to offer and as a military vet and a martial artist (three 4th Degree Black belts) I am drawn to it. Again Please continue it.
3/30/2012 c18 godofwaranddeath
please don't let the romans be the ori's allies. having rome, who were VERY violate people, be villians in their own right would be cool. The romans when it came to war weren't stupid. They would see that the ori would turn on them sooner or later.
2/18/2012 c18 Inoeth
Wow. this is truly a fantastic fic that really does an amazing job of showing a fairly realistic take on how the US and other governments from that time period would react to the realities of the galaxy and the realization that things needed to change that that Earth needed to go on the offensive.

I will say that i've read a huge amount of fics like this and in almost all of them they end up being paused just prior to Disclosure and how the world could pick up with far more resources in place.

One thing I am wondering about that the US and the IOA should be working on is a planetary and satellite based defense system that could be launched into orbit as soon as disclosure took place.

I see that it has been a depressingly long time since you last updated this fic but I truly hope that you pick it up again because it has so much potential to become truly epic and yet most epic fics like this just end up unfinished :(
12/30/2011 c18 Arthorius
Guess this storyline is officially abandon, been more then 2 years since last update. No word on Glenn, not a peep so he is either dead or no longer have internet access or both...
12/21/2011 c18 oddhack
I'm enjoying your somewhat different take on SG-1 fiction: more Clancyesque than SF-esque. Hope you'll be able to continue this story someday!
12/14/2011 c18 Fulgrim
Just finished reading this, and thought you might find a bit of feedback to be useful...

Overall, you've got a lot of potential as a writer.

However, there are six key weak points to your abilities that are displayed in this fanfic. If you can learn to address these, then the quality of your future work will improve considerably, and I hope my observations relating to these areas will prove useful to you.

1) The biggest of the lot: having read through nearly 96K words, I still have absolutely no idea what the single fundamental underlying plot of this fanfic is supposed to be. You've got a bunch of plot arcs - the Space Romans, the Ori War, the Lucian Alliance War, and so on - but what is the MAIN plot supposed to be? I mean, is this your version of how you think SG-1's Season 10/Atlantis Season 3 should have gone? If so, then this fanfic would really benefit from a more 'episodic' structure, with each chapter or multi-chapter 'episodes' having a primary plot arc of its/their own, with a bunch of sub-plots cooking in the background that you could use as 'filler' or 'interlude' scenes.

2) There's no readily-apparent scope for character development: all your OCs tend to be two-dimensional cardboard cutouts. Now those sorts of OCs are perfectly fine for use as 'named red-shirts' whose role is to act as a 'supporting cast' (a canon example from the show is Walter Harriman - we know absolutely NOTHING about the guy, such as whether he has pets or hobbies or a girlfriend, but that's okay as we really don't NEED to know more about him as he has only a very small role) but you seem to be using a bunch of them as 'lead' characters.

You also spend an inordinate amount of words writing paragraphs about the background and training of characters who then end up doing relatively little. You really should try and reserve 'heavy exposition' for major characters; writing this much about the 'little league' characters will deter some people from reading your work because they're not inclined to slog through that much exposition.

3) Your exposition method is very essay-oriented: you write reams of prose on each subject, whether that's a firearm, a military unit, a character's history and/or motivations, a spacecraft, or what have you. This is another major factor that will deter people from reading your work.

I asked several friends of mine to have a read of this fanfic and let me know how they got on. Out of eleven people (nine of them Americans, five guys and six girls, all of them Stargate fans, all of them fans of action/adventure science fiction stories, and all of them regular fanfiction readers) eight of them gave up on reading this fanfic before they'd even finished the second chapter; two finished the fourth chapter before they gave up; and the last brave soul finished Chapter Five before writing back to me to say that he just couldn't go any further.

All eleven of them told me that the single biggest reason why they gave up was because the exposition was a lengthy, drawn-out and tedious affair to slog through. When I asked if any of them intended to review this fanfic, they all said no; when I asked why, they said it would have felt like a waste of their time even if you were still making regular updates.

So, in your future fanfic projects, I strongly recommend you 'show, don't tell'. I also advise you to put a lot of thought into what subjects you choose to provide exposition for, and just how important - or not - it is that such exposition is provided.

Exposition can, if used sparingly, be very useful in a work of fiction; but exposition strictly for exposition's sake is something that can kill a reader's interest in a fanfic. If you don't mind having only a small pool of regular and semi-regular reviewers, then that's not a problem for you: but if you'd like a larger audience, then you need to learn to be a LOT less expo dump-happy.

4) In your opening Author's Notes, you make the following statement:

"As I hope you'll discover, this story will be somewhat gritty, fact-based (as much as sci-fi can be!) and hopefully, realistic. I endeavor as much as possible to depict the government and military not as Hollywood would, but as they really are. The tools are out there to do the research which will make anyone's story that much better. So many clichés about the military and things such as government cover-ups have permeated that it's become an accepted part of society. Those who have served may disagree with such easy acceptance."

The problem is that you then turn around and make most of your characters two-dimensional clichés, and you clearly haven't done your research.

To take one of the crazier examples, you depict members of the British SAS using SA80 assault rifles. If you'd done ANY research at all about the SAS, then you'd know that they only ever use the SA80 when they're trying to look like regular British soldiers. (You'd also know that there's no such thing as the 'Royal Army'. I mean, come on, that's such a dumbkompf mistake to make, man.)

You'd also know that Brit special forces guys don't use the term 'operator' to describe themselves: the SAS guys all consider themselves to be 'soldiers', 'squaddies' or 'troopers', and the SBS guys are all 'Royal Marines' or 'bootnecks'. When they work with our SOCOM units, the Brits like to tease them with the joke that "An operator is someone who works in a telephone exchange, or plugs you into the Matrix." (And if any of our guys get bent out of shape over a little thing like that, they know he's a 'numpty'/'dumbass' and that he'll be a pain in the ass to work with.)

So, to set you straight a bit: in 1999, the SAS and SBS bought a bunch of Diemaco C7 assault rifles and C8 carbines from Canada: since then, Diemaco has been renamed 'Colt Canada'. Before that, they used a mix of M16A2s they picked up in the 1980s (most of them were captured of the Provisional IRA, who bought them from arms dealers, who in turn had bought the damn things from some crooked armourers who were supposed to destroy them when our guys pulled out of the Lebanon), and some old Colt Commando and Armalite carbines that they'd bought new in the 1960s for the Indonesian Confrontation. (Heck, if you'd wanted, it would have been quite reasonable for you to have depicted an SAS SG team using M16s, M4s and M249 SAWs issued from the SGC's armoury in order to integrate themselves with the existing US units; they've done that a few times in real life when working with our guys in Columbia or Baghdad to simplify the logistical situation, when using their own C7s and C8s would have made it tricky to support them.)

Furthermore, you tend to depict all non-American military personnel as borderline sycophantic fanboys of all things American. Having actually served with Brit and Aussie troops in real life, I can tell you now that about five percent of them have a negative opinion of us (probably because some of our more gung-ho flyboys keep blowing up their guys and then flat out refuse to apologize afterwards, instead prefering to spew out crap about how these things are perfectly normal and should be expected... never mind the fact that we'd scream bloody murder if they ever killed one of OUR guys) while the rest aren't fussed one way or the other about America, and take individual Americans on a case-by-case basis: if they think you're a pro and a nice guy (or girl) then they'll like you, and if you're an anti-social asshat or a Rambo-wannabe then they'll avoid you and won't share their beer with you. They don't all secretly want to be Americans or be LIKE Americans as you depict them in this fanfic.

5) You keep using canon characters as 'author mouthpieces', either having them say what you think, or acting as 'designated straw man targets' (such as when you have McKay mouth off about the Iraq War; in canon, McKay holds almost every living thing in the universe in some degree of contempt, he doesn't go singling anyone out). It's just plain bad writing. Every American general, including Jack O'Neill, speaks with the same 'voice' most of the time, to the point that they're pretty much interchangeable as characters.

6) The political views of the characters nearly always mirror your own (or at least, that's how they come across) - for example, only a handful say negative things about the Iraq War, and they're all 'designated straw man targets'. If you want to write about your political views online, then why not start a blog?

If I wanted to read about political ideologies, I'd be reading blogs. But I DON'T want to read that crap because I think it's boring; so I read stuff on FFN instead, because I want to be entertained. And seriously, this? Not entertaining. You're clearly trying hard, but you're still failing miserably despite that.

If you absolutely HAVE to get up on your soapbox in a fanfic, then please keep it to a minimum. Some people will stop reading your work simply because they disagree with your political opinions, but even MORE will stop reading (even if they AGREE with your views) because they get bored by your work. I only hung on to the end of Chapter Eighteen out of a sense of charity; most folks aren't like me.

Hope this helps.
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