5/14/2006 c2 Splinter
LOL! Poor Splinter. The dreaded "low" kick. Been there, felt that although I am sure it is much worse for Splinter than me. My sensei got lightly clipped by a student once and it dropped him. I felt bad especially since I laughed for days about it.
So Mike started out the "good" student huh? Wonder what happened to him? SHort attention span. Kids oi! Very good job. I look forward to more especially since I can so relate with SPlinter. The twins being just a lil older than 3 and beginning their "formal" training this month. It's nice tho, I get to pawn them off on my sensei for the first couple of months :)
LOL! Poor Splinter. The dreaded "low" kick. Been there, felt that although I am sure it is much worse for Splinter than me. My sensei got lightly clipped by a student once and it dropped him. I felt bad especially since I laughed for days about it.
So Mike started out the "good" student huh? Wonder what happened to him? SHort attention span. Kids oi! Very good job. I look forward to more especially since I can so relate with SPlinter. The twins being just a lil older than 3 and beginning their "formal" training this month. It's nice tho, I get to pawn them off on my sensei for the first couple of months :)
5/13/2006 c2 16Tewi
aw, and hahaha! that was so cute and oddly hilarious! poor Splinter though-the fact that Mikey's kick was a little bit to low and actually hit Splinter...ouch! poor Splinter!
but aww, i would have loved to see Mikey dressed up in all those clothes! he would have been so cute! to bad there really is no picture! *cry*
and wow, Mikey all serious about it and that observant! wow, he was fast when he was a kid! just picked it right up!
and hehe, now the other's want to fight! i can't wait to see how they'll do!
and Leo...all silent...you're confusing me! what's going to happen!
this was totally superb and spectacular! i can't wait!
update SOON!
aw, and hahaha! that was so cute and oddly hilarious! poor Splinter though-the fact that Mikey's kick was a little bit to low and actually hit Splinter...ouch! poor Splinter!
but aww, i would have loved to see Mikey dressed up in all those clothes! he would have been so cute! to bad there really is no picture! *cry*
and wow, Mikey all serious about it and that observant! wow, he was fast when he was a kid! just picked it right up!
and hehe, now the other's want to fight! i can't wait to see how they'll do!
and Leo...all silent...you're confusing me! what's going to happen!
this was totally superb and spectacular! i can't wait!
update SOON!
5/13/2006 c2 Anonymous
What an adorable story! Post more soon please!
What an adorable story! Post more soon please!
5/13/2006 c2 53Jessiy Landroz
again, this was adorable, and at least, Splinter knew what hit him~ lol! Mike can sure drive us crazy with his energy, no? sometimes I wonder just where he gets it from! from the ooze, or from narutally being a turtle... and people think turtles are slow, Bleh! what do THEY know? (who's "they", anyway?)
I like Raph and Don's 'jaw drop' it was pretty cute, and again, I worry what Leo is thinking, or what he's up to...
again, this was adorable, and at least, Splinter knew what hit him~ lol! Mike can sure drive us crazy with his energy, no? sometimes I wonder just where he gets it from! from the ooze, or from narutally being a turtle... and people think turtles are slow, Bleh! what do THEY know? (who's "they", anyway?)
I like Raph and Don's 'jaw drop' it was pretty cute, and again, I worry what Leo is thinking, or what he's up to...
5/12/2006 c1 38CharlieCaller
Awh, to think he was the first little one wanting to learn. So cute! Can't wait for more, great writing here!
Awh, to think he was the first little one wanting to learn. So cute! Can't wait for more, great writing here!
5/11/2006 c1 53Jessiy Landroz
well, I didn't give any feedback back at SSF cause- well, I didn't have any; sorry...
so far, as I've already mentioned, I'm surprised it was Mike who mimicked Splinter first (I just managed to watch "Touch and Go" yesterday, first time, too, cause I missed it when it first aired) and after reading this chapter again, I wonder how the Splinter-Mike interaction is going to be like, with Sensei trying to teach his son the art of stealth~
the way I see it, Leo might be a bit upset that Mike is learning something from dear ol' dad, so I figure he'd try to best his brother, but Mike had always been the most atheletic and flexable member, he would have made a wonderful leader, if only he'd stop the kiddy games, no?
*gets hoarded by plot bunnies* Meep! okay, I'll shut up now! XD
well, I didn't give any feedback back at SSF cause- well, I didn't have any; sorry...
so far, as I've already mentioned, I'm surprised it was Mike who mimicked Splinter first (I just managed to watch "Touch and Go" yesterday, first time, too, cause I missed it when it first aired) and after reading this chapter again, I wonder how the Splinter-Mike interaction is going to be like, with Sensei trying to teach his son the art of stealth~
the way I see it, Leo might be a bit upset that Mike is learning something from dear ol' dad, so I figure he'd try to best his brother, but Mike had always been the most atheletic and flexable member, he would have made a wonderful leader, if only he'd stop the kiddy games, no?
*gets hoarded by plot bunnies* Meep! okay, I'll shut up now! XD
5/11/2006 c1 Flora
OK, Cynlee. So you want real criticism?
I think "nice" is the right word for this story. It's beautiful as a character study, and as a background study. However, it's missing drama and/or direction. In classic stories, the hero goes through some trial, and changes somehow by the end. Here we have the change without the trial; it seems too easy.
Also, watch what you expect the readers to take for granted.
Enough yet? :) I love your stuff.
OK, Cynlee. So you want real criticism?
I think "nice" is the right word for this story. It's beautiful as a character study, and as a background study. However, it's missing drama and/or direction. In classic stories, the hero goes through some trial, and changes somehow by the end. Here we have the change without the trial; it seems too easy.
Also, watch what you expect the readers to take for granted.
Enough yet? :) I love your stuff.
5/11/2006 c1 8Reijiro
Sorry, missed this one at SS. Still tend to go more on the alerts from FFNet for reading new stuff. My bad.
You really want me to give it the 'red pen' treatment? Okayy, you asked for it! lol! Though it's damn tough with you're stuff.
Couldn't pick any problems with syntax or anything boring like that, but it did leave me with a few queries. (Unnecessary detail, I live for it! lol!)
First, curious what equipment Splinter found in the dumpster? I'm guessing it was a punchbag and maybe some weights. Perhaps a few balls and bats or clubs chucked in there too. Heh, baseball bats could make good make-shift bokken and bo, and just had a funny thought of Raph practising with a hockey stick... But why were they in the dumpster if the store was liquidating anyway? Or was the sale over? I was thinking Splinter was gonna practice his stealth when you mentioned that, since there may have been a bit of a crowd to 'hide in plain sight' with.
Liked the reference to 'Strike hard and fade away...', classic!
Not too surprised that Mike would be the first to openly try to mimic Splinter. Though I also wonder if the usual brotherly rough and tumble isn't getting a little more sophisticated when Splinters' not looking. It makes sense to me that Leo would observe first and try to make a little head way on his own to impress his father. (heh, I've often caught my kids doing stuff like practising new words in the 'privacy' of their rooms so they can pronounce them properly)
Unfortunately privacy with three other brothers about isn't an option so I can't help but wonder how much Raph and Don have already picked up too. Raph wouldn't want to be left behind in any competition with his brothers, and Don would probably be as curious as heck with learning what his body is capable of. I'm thinking Splinter may be in for a bit of a surprise!
Anywho, seriously can't think of anything else to pick at or comment on with what you've got so far... If there is a certain aspect or section you're worried about and want to chew over some more feel free to give me yell.
Cheers!
Sorry, missed this one at SS. Still tend to go more on the alerts from FFNet for reading new stuff. My bad.
You really want me to give it the 'red pen' treatment? Okayy, you asked for it! lol! Though it's damn tough with you're stuff.
Couldn't pick any problems with syntax or anything boring like that, but it did leave me with a few queries. (Unnecessary detail, I live for it! lol!)
First, curious what equipment Splinter found in the dumpster? I'm guessing it was a punchbag and maybe some weights. Perhaps a few balls and bats or clubs chucked in there too. Heh, baseball bats could make good make-shift bokken and bo, and just had a funny thought of Raph practising with a hockey stick... But why were they in the dumpster if the store was liquidating anyway? Or was the sale over? I was thinking Splinter was gonna practice his stealth when you mentioned that, since there may have been a bit of a crowd to 'hide in plain sight' with.
Liked the reference to 'Strike hard and fade away...', classic!
Not too surprised that Mike would be the first to openly try to mimic Splinter. Though I also wonder if the usual brotherly rough and tumble isn't getting a little more sophisticated when Splinters' not looking. It makes sense to me that Leo would observe first and try to make a little head way on his own to impress his father. (heh, I've often caught my kids doing stuff like practising new words in the 'privacy' of their rooms so they can pronounce them properly)
Unfortunately privacy with three other brothers about isn't an option so I can't help but wonder how much Raph and Don have already picked up too. Raph wouldn't want to be left behind in any competition with his brothers, and Don would probably be as curious as heck with learning what his body is capable of. I'm thinking Splinter may be in for a bit of a surprise!
Anywho, seriously can't think of anything else to pick at or comment on with what you've got so far... If there is a certain aspect or section you're worried about and want to chew over some more feel free to give me yell.
Cheers!
5/11/2006 c1 16Tewi
reviewed it on stealthy stories (unless i'm just crazy and i think i did) but just had to come here and agian say: FANTASTICO!
reviewed it on stealthy stories (unless i'm just crazy and i think i did) but just had to come here and agian say: FANTASTICO!
5/11/2006 c1 26MilesTailsPrower-007
I love your use of first-person perspective. :)
It's absolutely awesome. You do a wonderful job of staying in character, and the sentence structure and vocabulary flawlessly match the way Splinter actually speaks. Heh, the little turtles are so cute! Little Mikey's dialogue is awesome. I love how he says "Dontello", heh. Well done so far! I love your writing!
Looking forward to more! :D
I love your use of first-person perspective. :)
It's absolutely awesome. You do a wonderful job of staying in character, and the sentence structure and vocabulary flawlessly match the way Splinter actually speaks. Heh, the little turtles are so cute! Little Mikey's dialogue is awesome. I love how he says "Dontello", heh. Well done so far! I love your writing!
Looking forward to more! :D