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3/6/2013 c7 lesa.blazer
Please continue
3/2/2008 c7 11CarebearKara
Great fic. Hate Jude's parents. Looking forward to more.
7/3/2007 c7 2iheartTQ
just read this story, her parents are really mean! ne way keep posting !
4/8/2007 c7 1tiff8
plzz post soon. this is really good
4/4/2007 c7 justcee
pms...good story
4/3/2007 c7 3thatgirl2006
i like it. pms!
4/2/2007 c6 9DustNWind
Well first, It has come to my attention that in a previous review I stated that Edinburgh is the capital of Ireland. I meant to type Scotland, but as you can see, it was a long review, and my thought process was understandably off.


It was good that you clarified the view of Darius in comparison to the views of Jude's Parents in regards to the relationship with Tommy. I think yelling at them to leave the studio may have been a bit extreme, but it's acceptable to some degree. I wish you luck in your journey to improvement.
4/2/2007 c6 9bubblz16
that was asome i love it i never new d cold be so mean
4/2/2007 c6 3thatgirl2006
good job. a few spelling errors, but this is good. i like how darius is standing up for jude and tommy. its cool.
4/1/2007 c5 7amrod23
hahaha. "Fake after school activities" Tommy is a clever one! pms
4/1/2007 c5 3thatgirl2006
great job. pms!
4/1/2007 c5 9bubblz16
ok so this is one of the best instant star storys i have ever read
4/1/2007 c1 9DustNWind
Tsk Tsk. You LIVE in Scotland and you STILL didn't spell the capital correctly? *Shakes Head*
4/1/2007 c5 DustNWind
Hmm...Where shall I begin?

1-The capital of Ireland is Edinburgh. I do not believe I have seen you spell it correctly even once. First common sense that should come to any writer is to do the research before including anything that could be problematic, such as proper spelling of a location that is other than where you live.

2-Spellcheck. It doesn't appear that you use one. There is really no excuse for that. They offer a free download on this site's front page for the Open Office program, which was meant for authors like yourself who may not have access to a spellcheck already. If that options seems unreasonable, then I don't see anything wrong with PMing one of the many other authors, and asking them to check over your chapters before you post (Best known as a Beta).

3-Details. You have jumped around quite a bit, and I feel like there could be a lot more descriptions used to improve the quality.

When the chapter length is as short as it is with this story, there is little excuse to not spend a couple extra minutes making the quality the best that it can be.

4-Unrealistic and Rushed. You have Tommy missing for one miniscule chapter than all of a sudden he happens to be right in the same city as Jude. That leaves absolutely no suspense. The point of making his location unknown in the summary is to create a suspense, and string it out for a while to hold interest. There is no point in his location being unknown to begin with if he is going to be found two seconds later. In addition, you do not explain the process of how Jude manages to keep meeting him. If her parents sent her there, then they would know the circumstances, and guard her a lot better. She couldn't just hop out of there without a legit-sounding excuse, and most likely without some form of supervision. In which case you would have to add a character that follows her, and that is lenient and pretends to keep guard, but really lets her do whatever she wants, just to fit what you have created thus far.

In conclusion...

Jude getting sent to a private school is a great plot idea, but if you don't put enough effort into the development, it's a waste of everyone's time to read what you write.
3/31/2007 c4 11crybaby452
what do you mean you werent planning on updating up date it soon its a good start...like where your taking it.
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