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7/24/2006 c6 keeki
Albel really wasn't OOC, I can see him being the type prone to jealousy, even though he would never admit it. It's those who think too highly of themselves that get jealous more often and we all know Albel.
7/24/2006 c5 keeki
Albel the animal ^_^ god that was hot. I think I need to cool down for a bit. Whew!
7/24/2006 c3 keeki
Just hand to point this out. This line:

Her face was so much prettier with a smile.

OMG *swoons* loved it!
7/24/2006 c2 keeki
Aw, what happened to Sophia? This was very dramatic and tragic, but written very beautifully. I can feel Albel's pain very well, it is very vivid. It would be hell for him.
7/23/2006 c6 8LilyGinnyBlack
Oh, don't worry, I think Albel was completely IC. I could see him moping around being envious too, though, I also think that Albel may just slightly be in denial over the emotion known as jealousy. Anyway, not much else to say on this theme/chapter, it was written quite well and the characterization is down pat. So, great job, keep up it up, and please take care of yourself! :D

~Lily~
7/23/2006 c5 LilyGinnyBlack
LOL! Yes, I can see why this theme was just too good for you to pass up. Anyway, I believe that you hit a very realistic and common situation that most teenagers find themselves in and, just like Sophia, they know that they are in a bad situation, but they just can't stop themselves from going along with it anyway. Oh, naughty, naughty Albel, but I love it anyway! xD Keep up the great work and take care! :D I now move on to, yet another, chapter/theme. :)

~Lily~
7/23/2006 c4 LilyGinnyBlack
Perfect! Absolutly perfect! ::Nods head:: Yep, Albel is the type of person who can't come to the realization that something so good could actually happen to him in real life. By making him believe that he is crazy/insane or that the whole thing is just a dream makes this chapter/theme portray Albel completely and totally IC. Of course, we all know (or at least hope) that Albel will come to the conclusion that this happiness is truly real. Though, I can't help but agree with the last sentence:

"Damn, it felt good to be crazy."

I can't help but find that to be one of the truest statements I have ever heard. After all, who in this world is actually "nomral"? Since "nomral" is just like beauty and lies only within the eye of the beholder. Anyway, another great job and I'm not to the next chapter/theme. Take care! :D

~Lily~
7/23/2006 c3 LilyGinnyBlack
What a great job! I don't care that it was short (normally shorter chapters are much more significant in what is actually written) and I don't think it was sloppy or that the characters are OOC at all. They are perfectly IC, what, with Sophia being so caring and concerned for Albel and Albel being so cold and distant on the outside, but on the inside really wanting the care she gives him. Another great job, and now, onto the next chapter/theme. Take care! :D

~Lily~
7/23/2006 c2 LilyGinnyBlack
Oh...wow...it was so tragic, and yet, so moving at the same time. Albel's inner turmoil is understood and brought across perfectly and the description of how Albel use to be was done in such a horrifyingly hypnotic-like way. Though, the true magic of this chapter/theme was, most definately, the last line:

"This was the hell were he was the demon that had slain an angel."

What a masterful way of tying in the theme with the events. Now, I'm off to read the next theme. Take care! :D

~Lily~
7/21/2006 c6 36kc-archive
Oh yes. So very, VERY tragic.

You know what this means, don't you Albel?

Take her for yourself! XD

As mentioned before, I NEED to see a lemon from you! I think I've seen about three stroies (Alphia, that is) on that have lemons in it, one of them being mine, and dammit we need more variety! D:

So...yesh. Good job on this one. Jealous Albel is my favorite kind of Albel.
7/21/2006 c5 kc-archive
God, those two are such horndogs!

I really love how much Alphia is growing! It's great.

Hehe...I want to see a real lemon from you, dammit! NOW WRITE ONE!

::offers the proverbial cookie::
7/21/2006 c4 kc-archive
Yes, sociopathic Albel IS fun! XD

I liked this one. Especially since you didn't identify the "body of warmth" as Sophia, but only described her.

Nice work!
7/21/2006 c3 kc-archive
No, not OOC at all. Though I do wonder what happened to Albel. O_o I didn't see an explanation about why he was bleeding.
7/21/2006 c2 kc-archive
Ooh, I like, I like! Very nice emotions here!

By the way, for this sentence:

"He feared nothing. Not the beasts he faced or the humans that dared to challenge him. Not demons or devils. Not gods or goddesses."

to give it a little more poetic justice, you could replace "goddesses" with "angels", maybe? It just seemed kind of odd because there was demons and devils, which are related but not opposites in some way, and then gods and goddesses which are ALSO related, but goddesses being the female form of gods. So it just struck me as odd, you know? Sorry...I couldn't form it into words well.

So instead of that sentence it'd be this:

"..Not demons or devils. Not gods or angels."

Something like that. Hehe...just a suggestion to even further perfect it. :)
7/5/2006 c1 8LilyGinnyBlack
For your first time writing an Alphia...you did an excellent job! :D I'm so happy I finally got around to reading this; I've been so busy lately. Anyway, I found the interaction between the two to be extremely well done and no one was OOC. Also, you explained some of their inner emotions well, so good job there. I would give some advice, but, keeki, amsf, and Dragon have pretty much covered all of that at the forums. Oh, by the way, I never got around to introducing myself on the forums. My name is LilyGinnyBlack and it's nice to have another Alphian around here! ^.^ Keep up the good work and take care! :)

~Lily~
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