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for RaEl Book1: A Long Forgotten Legacy

10/11/2008 c1 Cattsith
Some grammar issues aside, this was a very nice story. I like how you mix Superman and Ranma. I will look forward to book 2.
9/18/2008 c26 Drake0x
very nice, congrats for an awsome battle scene, keep up the good work
9/17/2008 c26 4NeroSparda
Hmm, even though the chapters were short, they were good and you connected them well. Some chapter, of course, were longer then others, and I hope you keep that up. Me no likey too short short chapter (Sorry, just had to do that lol XD). Anyway, Ranma sure does have alot girls after him, and I can't really lean towards who he should go with, they all go well with him in this story. 'Sigh', that the price of being Ranma Saotome, you just can't have one girl meant for ya. Anyway, hope you update soon and make another enjoyable chapter, ja ne.
9/17/2008 c10 NatalieEGH
I have only read your 1st 9 chapters as of this review. Hopefully things will improve.

I am somewhat interested in the story and will continue reading but...

Sorry but this will be a harsh critique. It is not meant to dissuade you from writing, rather to show areas requiring significant improvement.

1. I hope you English in any of its forms is not your native language. There are numerous grammatical and spelling errors. I do not know the exact frequency but I would say at least 1 per screen full. That might not be much on some systems but I have poor eyesight and use a font large enough so I only get about 15 lines per screen. Every time the reader has to figure out what the word is or what you meant to say, it interrupts the flow of the story. A story should be something you may enter and become temporarily a second reality. These errors are like a slap in the face jerking you back to the normal world. Suspension of disbelief cannot exist.

2. If you are wanting to put in notes and comments, I would suggest using a footnote. This way you can tell your sister you used her idea without interrupting the flow of the story.

3. A flashback should be to something significant that happens outside the time frame of the story. It should not be a way to say, "Oh, I just had a idea for what should have happened earlier, and I am telling you what it is." If you have to correct or enhance a previously published chapter, do so. Post it as an updated chapter. I do not know how to do this but I see it done frequently. Learn the technique. Doing this kind of flashback indicates you have not outlined your story and have at the most a vague idea of how you desire your story to go.

4. The story is not a Ranma story. You have an alternate Superman story with a few severely modified Ranma characters. The basic adversities Ranma must overcome are all removed.

This Ranma does not have to overcome the problems created by Genma, he does not have the inability to decide amongst multiple suitors/rivals, he need not deal with the blackmail of Nabiki, the "man amongst men" of Nodoka, or even the hostility/food poisoning of Akane. Herb is absolutely destroyed, the Nekoken is about to become a thing of the past, and I suspect Saffron will be dealt with similar finality and ease, now that his Kryptonian heritage is blooming. This story could just as easily have been done using Harry Potter, Space Ghost, or Michael Myers of Friday the 13th. You eliminated all the one story and just chose a character's name.

The only element of Ranma that it looks like you have kept is the antagonism and probable ability of Ryouga to harm Ranma. Of course if Ryouga radiates the same energy as green kryptonite, Ranma will be incapable of fighting him and Ryouga will succeed in killing him, Kalel, and Kara in their first battle unless they take to wearing lead pajamas and face mask permanently.
9/14/2008 c26 1QundraDraconum
well can't say as I much liked the song as I've never liked song fics, but I am glad to a see another chapter of one of my favorite Ranma stories. Keep up the good work.
9/14/2008 c26 2wolf40k
Great to see your back.

Can't wait until book 2.

I have to say that i geeked out and looked the

song up on youtube and played it while reading

the fight scene. It was corny, but oh so fitting

keep up the good work.
9/14/2008 c26 38Innortal
Excellent work this chapter.
9/14/2008 c26 3Coral Skipper
I don't know what to say, other than it's sad that such a good story had such a horrible chapter. You stumbled upon a major pet peeve, which is author's notes in the middle of a story. Can't believe I actually need to say this, but author's notes in story are both lazy and a sign of bad writing, for multiple reasons. For one, if you can't properly write the story without using them, then you're doing a horrible job of actually giving the reader the necessary information within the story, which is never a good thing. Secondly, author's notes break up the flow of the story. I hope the next chapter isn't as filled with those damned notes as this one was.
9/14/2008 c26 ranma-chan-14
Nice, can't wait to see what happens next.

plz update soon! ^_^
9/14/2008 c26 Jerry Unipeg
GREAT CHAPTER! (*x4) Great fight.
9/14/2008 c25 Jerry Unipeg
GREAT CHAPTER! (*x4) At less, Ku-Lon die as a warrior.
9/14/2008 c26 10Wonderbee31
This was pretty good, and glad to see the first book finished, though I wish you'd kept the AN's to a minimum or at the end of the fic, as it broke the flow for me. Going to look forward to see what all happens with the JLA and how things will go in the upcoming parts of the next story.
9/14/2008 c26 3Hiryo
Thank heaps for updating this fanfic again and I hope that you'll write out as well the 'Fic2' you presented to us. ^^

Please update soon. ;)
8/24/2008 c2 SmacksKiller
Just want to pint out some errors. 1) We don't live in the Orion belt but in the Milky Way. 2) They're are more than one sun in the galaxy and they are of different 'colors'. 3) Ley-line depends on planets. They don't exist on persons.

Other than that, I really liked what I've read so far.
4/18/2008 c25 5angel61991
interesting please update soon.
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