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for No Need For A Lunar Brother

5/30/2009 c7 10Wonderbee31
Glad to see more of this, and liked how things went with Ranma and Sasami here, and can't wait to see what happens as the Negaverse comes into trying to take ki from the fighters.
5/25/2009 c5 1Sefirot
This story is really amazing, plese, don't abandon it.
4/4/2009 c6 51Kidan Yoshilda
I Been Waiting on a update on this Story for a Long time now Hurry up and Update it!

Umm Please

Kidan Signing out.
1/16/2008 c6 1QundraDraconum
interesting but confusing. It's starting to make more sense, but your word choices, plot structure, and descriptions are a bit vague and wordy. I like the story idea, but if you could work on the structuring, which has improved in the later chapters, it would work out better.
6/14/2007 c6 28JustWriter2
(scene opens in the middle of a battle on the rooftops between Ranma and Kurenai)

"I'll destroy you for not loving me Ranma!" Kurenai proclaims.

"You were going to drag me to Hell! What idiot would allow himself to have that be done to him!"

(the pits of Hell) Someone with long silvery hair and golden eyes sneezes.

Lol! Sorry, I couldn't help myself. It just popped in my head. But I think I got the confrontational conversation a little wrong... Oh well. It's just so you can have a laugh. I know I had mine.

-JW`chan ^-^
6/5/2007 c6 6Tovath
You seem to be a good writer, but I get so tired of Uberbrat Akane stories. Please read 'In the Lunchroom' by Trimatter. It's on this site.
6/5/2007 c6 Sean Malloy-1
Great new chapter, please add the next chapter soon.

When might you update your story "RaEl Book1: A Long Forgotten Legacy"?
6/4/2007 c6 38Innortal
Looking good, though a few errors did detract from it.

So instead of son, missing some words, etc...
6/4/2007 c6 1Bobboky
cool
6/4/2007 c6 Lumster
Nice story, not perfect but still worth reading. I have to agree with the word usage and such. Spell check isn't a bad thing, infact it can be a godsend to point out mistakes. But you really have to supervise the corrections, couple it with grammer check and most things work out for the best if you pay attention before hitting replace.

As for the Hulk idea, I would have to agree with some the other reviewers in that it would not work out well. With the kind of abuse, and pain Ranma has to go threw, if he transformed into a raging monster every time some one hit him, wronged him, or insulted him Nermia would be a waste land. And like others say, it would not work for Akane either, it would transform her into the most abusive witch any Akane hater could ever concieve. And more then likely level nermia as well.

I read a fic that used the idea of ranma becoming the Juggernaught, and it seemed to work out okay before they discontinued it after one or two chapters. If you want ranma to become some kind of hulking brute that might work better imo. The hulk just lacks enough control to work for Ranma 1/2's cast. To much anger and insanity in that world, the hulk would never untransform.
6/4/2007 c6 RanmaChaos
Great Chapter!Please continue to UPDATE!
6/4/2007 c6 4Upgrade
They told off Akane, but she's too stubborn to really get it.

And now Sasami learns of Ranma's past. I doubt she'll take it well.

Good chapter.
6/4/2007 c6 7WG-Writer
you have a decent story here, but please get a pre-reader (Proof reader) or a document writer with a spell check. The typos are hard to endure.
6/4/2007 c6 5Nysk
Glad to see another chapter. As to the Ranma hulk thing.. serious take a pass on that one... it would work out all wrong... and for the love of all that is holy never consider a Akane hulk... no pervert perceived or otherwise, would survive

Just stick to this or Ral-El or perhaps another story of some sort.. just not that one.. never that one heh

Keep up the good work
6/4/2007 c1 1Tyverius
Chapter 1-Ok...Akane is way over the top. A good author shouldn't let character bias show in such an extreme manner.

-Ranma seems a bit ooc but it's a early yet.

-This is difficult to read because you don't separate scene changes. Even an extra space between them would make this easier to read.

-The other characters really shouldn't be part of the flashback. A flashback is from one character's perspective, it doesn't make sense to have Ranma flashing back to events he wasn't present for and hasn't heard about. Not to say you shouldn't have those parts at all, they just shouldn't be part of the flashback.

-Having Ranma related to Tenchi is kinda overdone...just about every Ranma/Tenchi fic I've read has them either engaged or related.

-Your writing isn't bad at all, other than a few problems it's a good start.

Chapter 2-I can't imagine Ryoko or Ayeka accepting sharing Tenchi.

-Yeah, Ranma vs. Ryoko...their personalities would definitely clash...at least at first.

-Good chapter. Ranma may be a bit overpowered...but as he doesn't really have control over his new powers yet it's not so bad.

Chapter 3-Ugh...Ranma randomly manifesting powerful ki attacks with no training...not cool.

-Ranma really is ooc in these flashbacks, I can understand him being upset, but at the same time, I think he's a bit over the top.

Chapter 4-Not bad. I do think that Genma, Soun and Akane are perhaps a bit too extreme.

Chapter 5-Ah, now Ranko makes a bit more sense. That's a good idea, actually. I like it.

-As for Diamond, one thing I'm not quite sure is where he came from...

Chapter 6-Again, the author is supposed to be unbiased. It looks very unprofessional to show clear disfavor to a single character. Having bad things happening to a character is one thing, but out-and-out stating as the author that you consider a character to be stupid is poor form.

Overall-Despite my comments, I don't think this is a bad start to a fic. I'm interested to see how Ranma will continue to act with Ryoko and what Ayeka's reaction will be. Those 'what is to come' bits at the end of the last few chapters suggest some interesting plot twists. You need to proofread a bit better as there are some words missing or mis-used, but mostly it's not bad.
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