for Double Trouble in the Host Club! One Shot8/6/2006 c1 
46Crimson Zephyr
Great first chapter so far. Although, you spelled Tamaki's name wrong (it's spelled like this- TAMAKI, not TAKAMI).
I also have some suggestions for pairings:
Tamaki/Haruhi
Kaoru/Risa...or should it be Hikaru/Risa?
Kyouya/Casey
Can't wait for more chapters! ^_^
46Crimson ZephyrGreat first chapter so far. Although, you spelled Tamaki's name wrong (it's spelled like this- TAMAKI, not TAKAMI).
I also have some suggestions for pairings:
Tamaki/Haruhi
Kaoru/Risa...or should it be Hikaru/Risa?
Kyouya/Casey
Can't wait for more chapters! ^_^
8/2/2006 c1 1Look Ma I Can Spell Definitely
Well you probably should have research the series before you decided to write Ouran fanfiction.
Including bios is a pretty cheap way of introducing new characters, if you want to describe them so badly, do it in the story.
This also needs some work in the grammar department, especially with the tenses. Conjugating everything in the present tense is extremely awkward. Try using past tense when writing.
And there is a better way of stating time, instead of typing "1 hour later". Incorporate it, to make the story move more fluidly.
The basis in which your two characters come to Ouran, is to say the least, pretty flimsy, as is the reason they speak fluent Japanese. And believe me, the American foreign exchange student angle is overdone. Look in any fandom and you'll easily find a story that is exactly like yours. So sorry to say ladies, but your story easily falls into the Mary Sue department. Especially if you plan for one or both of your characters to fall madly in love with the main characters. But for now, it's as if your characters have absolutely no interesting flaws quirks (sarcasm is not a special quirk), and both personalities are characteristic of the average Mary Sue.
And I don't even want to mention Tamaki's misspelled name. Leaving the first chapter like this but fixing it in future chapters is not making things any better. I guarantee you'll lose the interest of readers that way, they won't want to stick around for the next chapter.
Oh and you misspelled "scholarship" in your summary. You might want to fix that.
Try not to take this review personally, since it really isn't.
1Look Ma I Can Spell DefinitelyWell you probably should have research the series before you decided to write Ouran fanfiction.
Including bios is a pretty cheap way of introducing new characters, if you want to describe them so badly, do it in the story.
This also needs some work in the grammar department, especially with the tenses. Conjugating everything in the present tense is extremely awkward. Try using past tense when writing.
And there is a better way of stating time, instead of typing "1 hour later". Incorporate it, to make the story move more fluidly.
The basis in which your two characters come to Ouran, is to say the least, pretty flimsy, as is the reason they speak fluent Japanese. And believe me, the American foreign exchange student angle is overdone. Look in any fandom and you'll easily find a story that is exactly like yours. So sorry to say ladies, but your story easily falls into the Mary Sue department. Especially if you plan for one or both of your characters to fall madly in love with the main characters. But for now, it's as if your characters have absolutely no interesting flaws quirks (sarcasm is not a special quirk), and both personalities are characteristic of the average Mary Sue.
And I don't even want to mention Tamaki's misspelled name. Leaving the first chapter like this but fixing it in future chapters is not making things any better. I guarantee you'll lose the interest of readers that way, they won't want to stick around for the next chapter.
Oh and you misspelled "scholarship" in your summary. You might want to fix that.
Try not to take this review personally, since it really isn't.
7/28/2006 c1 Sangraal
Two Mary Sues because there are two writers.
Foreign Exchange Scholarship Students? You just twisted Haruhi's /RARE/ scholarship to make way for your Sues.
And it's TAMAKI, not Takami. The "principal" is also Tamaki's father. I do not think that he will ask his son to escort your Sues in the manga or anime. He asked Kyoya to show Tamaki the ropes but that is because they are in the same grade.
Self-inserts = automatic failure in fic-writing.
Two Mary Sues because there are two writers.
Foreign Exchange Scholarship Students? You just twisted Haruhi's /RARE/ scholarship to make way for your Sues.
And it's TAMAKI, not Takami. The "principal" is also Tamaki's father. I do not think that he will ask his son to escort your Sues in the manga or anime. He asked Kyoya to show Tamaki the ropes but that is because they are in the same grade.
Self-inserts = automatic failure in fic-writing.
7/26/2006 c1 3Glass-Half-Full
yeah i'm the other author of this story and so all of you know ,even though you can't read it this before you review, we would change tamaki's name to tamaki but as you know we can't right now so we apologize..i guess ...and will write it with tamaki next time to make you all 'happy' yeah bye
thx for you...lovely...comments...hahaha
3Glass-Half-Fullyeah i'm the other author of this story and so all of you know ,even though you can't read it this before you review, we would change tamaki's name to tamaki but as you know we can't right now so we apologize..i guess ...and will write it with tamaki next time to make you all 'happy' yeah bye
thx for you...lovely...comments...hahaha
7/26/2006 c1 9TaintedWolf
It was only a matter of time before a fic like this came along...=/ And his name is Tamaki, not Takami...
9TaintedWolfIt was only a matter of time before a fic like this came along...=/ And his name is Tamaki, not Takami...
7/26/2006 c1 Tamrissa
Aw.. what lovely self inserts into the story.
They're already super smart and speak fluent Japanese. Are they American too? Yes? WOW! It's such a cliché. Maybe you should spend more time talking about their outfits and how pretty they are.. yes.. make it more cliché.
I especially like how you spelled Tamaki's name wrong. In the next chapter.. can you spell Kyoya's name Quorja.
LOL
You crack me UP! ^_^
Aw.. what lovely self inserts into the story.
They're already super smart and speak fluent Japanese. Are they American too? Yes? WOW! It's such a cliché. Maybe you should spend more time talking about their outfits and how pretty they are.. yes.. make it more cliché.
I especially like how you spelled Tamaki's name wrong. In the next chapter.. can you spell Kyoya's name Quorja.
LOL
You crack me UP! ^_^
7/25/2006 c1 nothereanymoreokbye
I think you mean "Tamaki", not "Takami." There is no "Takami Suoh" in the Host Club.
I think you mean "Tamaki", not "Takami." There is no "Takami Suoh" in the Host Club.