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for Return of the Darkness

8/3/2006 c1 5Nysk
Interesting start.. curious where it will go.. are they enemies of the Scouts?

Who/where are the others?

It is my hope that not all the NWC will be members of this Group.. as it would make them a third party that both groups would have to deal with.

Did Ranma have any relations with those of this group? If so.. and how will it affect things.
8/3/2006 c1 keichan2
Me like!

Please continue, it has potential...
8/3/2006 c1 griffenvamp
interesting start to a promising story and a realtionship with ranma and nabiki. need alot of back story to explain all of the charitors and whats going on now and during the moon kingdom.

one final not to those how like the moon kingdom,

the victors wright the history.

keep this story going
8/3/2006 c1 Ra-Sama
I'm interested to see where this is going. I must admit, I'm very curious about Nabiki. She seems eager to help Ranma, caring, almost tender, yet demands payment. Seems a bit out of character for someone soley concerned by money. People who are that materialistic would ensure payment before offering help. Perhaps she's hiding a real concern for Ranma?

Not bad. I felt like there might have been a bit too much time spent on detailed descriptions of clothing. I realise this can reveal a lot about the personality of a character, and is a technique you often use to good effect in your fics, but all in one block like that it gets a little tedious and clumsy. Perhaps it would be more effective to work that sort of thing in gradually, bit by bit, while things actually take place. Good writers are usually very stingy, giving things away subtly in little doses, and ask more questions than they answer at the begininng of things. The only other place it was clumsy was the punctuation or sentence structure in a couple of spots. Nothing too major though.

It's always hard to tell how a story's going to turn out on the first chapter. You seem to be off to a good start though. :) Well done. I shall be awaiting chapter 2.
8/3/2006 c1 38Innortal
Nice start.
8/2/2006 c1 8Dumbledork
Nice start. Will this be a multicrossover?
8/2/2006 c1 4Kisaragi Tsukamaru
O.o Woot!
8/2/2006 c1 3Genryuu
I'm glad to see this isn't a "Ranma is a senshi" fic, and it is an interesting concept. Kudos for the idea.
8/2/2006 c1 anon
It would have been a lot nicer if you had worked the background details into the story, releasing some details - bit by bit - over several chapters via backstories, conversations or flashbacks. That would provide a _much_ stronger suspense, intrigue and mystery to your story.

By dumping it all out in the first chapter/prologue, that potential is wasted.
8/2/2006 c1 1Rubel
8/2/2006 c1 4Upgrade
You have my attention.

Quite the group there, the Jupon Gatana.
8/2/2006 c1 TheWhiteMonk
My only beef is the name Jupon Gatana, which I know was taken from Rurouni Kenshin. If you come up with a more origional name I'll give this story good marks. Otherwise, good start and I like the characters.
8/2/2006 c1 Rignach
That will hopefull get a nice clash between Ranma and followers and the senshi and be darker story.
8/2/2006 c1 ChaosRune
m, interesting so far, it's very rare to find a xover with SM that doesn't involve a skirt in this days, so I like this so far, I only hope that you don't fall for the trap of the all powerful Mary Sue, and give the OC a few weakness, and some curious characters trails (you know, something like that maybe Ice gets drunks very easy, and star to freeze people for fun, things like that), that's what makes characters stand up
8/2/2006 c1 Reaper2040
Not bad so this is gonna be Ranma and others vs. the Sailors Senshi. Can't wait for fight to happen if it is.
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