for Always and Forever4/3/2008 c1 
52somethingborrowed3
I liked it. Nice, cute and a bit fluffy. However, the whole format was like a children's book.
"Franz was under the command of General Seth, who was most likely the most trusted paladin of Renais."
"One was Natasha, a beautiful cleric. She was a very pure being and very cautious."
"It was a Bael. Baels were giant, spider creatures whose fangs contained lethal venom."
Does that not sound like a kid's book? There's nothing wrong with that, I just find the whole format quite amusing. Good job!
52somethingborrowed3I liked it. Nice, cute and a bit fluffy. However, the whole format was like a children's book.
"Franz was under the command of General Seth, who was most likely the most trusted paladin of Renais."
"One was Natasha, a beautiful cleric. She was a very pure being and very cautious."
"It was a Bael. Baels were giant, spider creatures whose fangs contained lethal venom."
Does that not sound like a kid's book? There's nothing wrong with that, I just find the whole format quite amusing. Good job!
9/10/2006 c1 gambling ninja
aw how sweet good job
aw how sweet good job
8/18/2006 c1 Rexnos
T'was a good story all in all. You've got your romance nice, but not too sappy, which can be hard to find. However, the beginning started out far too slow. Remember, you're writing in a FE topic. Chances are, people are going to know the story behind everything. You could have started the story with Franz getting bit. That would have been interesting to read. Would probably pull readers into your story as well.
In any case, excellent stuff. I'm looking forward to other works.
Later,
Rex
T'was a good story all in all. You've got your romance nice, but not too sappy, which can be hard to find. However, the beginning started out far too slow. Remember, you're writing in a FE topic. Chances are, people are going to know the story behind everything. You could have started the story with Franz getting bit. That would have been interesting to read. Would probably pull readers into your story as well.
In any case, excellent stuff. I'm looking forward to other works.
Later,
Rex
8/15/2006 c1 14Lemurian-Girl
After realizing the first few paragraphs were nothing but recaps of the game, I have to admit, I skipped them. By writing a fanfic for a game, you assume that the readers have played the game, thus making the summaries of it useless, and it does take away some of the appeal of the story.
The writing's not bad on this one. Some of the sentences feel a little choppy, but nothing major. The idea's is nice, and Amelia's concern seemed genuine. The proposal just seemed sudden. While it is romantic, it doesn't seem they have the bond or the relationship needed for marriage, even though you say they do. Towards the end, you overuse ellipses. (Sorry, that's just one of my pet peeves
Nice work though. Certainly just bad; the plot just needs some smoothing out. :)
~Lemurian-Girl~
14Lemurian-GirlAfter realizing the first few paragraphs were nothing but recaps of the game, I have to admit, I skipped them. By writing a fanfic for a game, you assume that the readers have played the game, thus making the summaries of it useless, and it does take away some of the appeal of the story.
The writing's not bad on this one. Some of the sentences feel a little choppy, but nothing major. The idea's is nice, and Amelia's concern seemed genuine. The proposal just seemed sudden. While it is romantic, it doesn't seem they have the bond or the relationship needed for marriage, even though you say they do. Towards the end, you overuse ellipses. (Sorry, that's just one of my pet peeves
Nice work though. Certainly just bad; the plot just needs some smoothing out. :)
~Lemurian-Girl~
8/15/2006 c1 1themagebear
that was so awesome! you kept the chars very ic, and it was written very well.
1themagebearthat was so awesome! you kept the chars very ic, and it was written very well.