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10/28/2021 c10 11XD-385
I'm going to have to concur with the most recent reviewer. I read your end note and no, I don't think you're being entirely transparent on why this story sucks as much as it does. This exercise in canon defilement, even what little there was at the time, can't really be explained away by lack of skill or one's age. Certainly not the premise itself. Kids that young don't write stuff like this unless it's an outlet for some serious emotional baggage they're carrying. And if that's too personal to openly reveal to your readers, I can respect your choice to not talk about it.

I don't know where you are now nor do I expect you to ever come back and see this, but I do hope in the following years you received the help you needed to overcome the trauma that was clearly influencing the creation of this travesty. Take care of yourself.
10/28/2021 c1 Guest
What kind of 14-year-old writes something like this? Did your parents routinely rape you years ago and this was the only way to vent?
5/18/2021 c10 Anon
You made this as just a kid? It’s edgy but well written
11/11/2010 c10 Michael Kirk
Very good for a first fic, thanks for the story.
10/4/2010 c10 4Kelthemos of Nismon
I loved it actually. Its a perfectly reasonable way to look at Samus in her years before she became a big shot federation gun. And how it plays out that this occurs directly before the actual "Metroid" is rather brilliant in my opinon.
5/19/2010 c10 bhtujkiulkonm89ojh76nb67bnb67
I'm really impressed that you wrote this fic when you're fourteen! Most kids nowadays don't post stories like this. To tell the truth I have never read your original version, so I don't know what exactly the differences are, except some of the mistakes you fixed like you mention in this AN. Other than that, your fic is still much better than many stories on this site. It has a certain uniqueness that you don't often find.

I enjoy your Samus portrayal very much. :) I haven't seen any other story with a personality as dark as this one. (Then again I haven't read many Metroid stories) What I particularly like is her inner struggle that builds up the suspense. At some point I thought that Cien would be spared and I really hoped that Samus would not kill the boy. Nevertheless I'm glad that you don't hesitate to make her that cold-blooded, because it greatly shows the insanity in her character.

The gore and violence wasn't too bad in my opinion. Constantly blowing holes into these people or blowing them into pulp can come across a bit cartoony, but I can't imagine the arm cannon making death look pleasant. I also love Samus' morbid hallucinations (they remind me a bit of AKIRA) and the way you put them between the lines. Makes it harder to figure out what's reality and what's fake, which gives a perfect insight to her twisted mindset.

(P.S. Sorry for my bad English, it's not my first language. ^^")
8/7/2009 c10 Si
This deep aand disturbing. Yet it was still good. Even if i was disgusted at some points in the story.
3/7/2008 c10 3Dmitri Stormblood
hey not half bad at all. its nice the way u made her into an insande behemoth out for blood( wish she really had done all those murders) but i was expecting her to blow the brains out of her employer as the 6th kill. oh well. not bad coudl use a bit more detail and some of the details were soo sudden u couldnt tell what was real in the fic and what was samus' mind playign tricks on her. if u fix that i think it would be perfect. take care
3/5/2007 c9 8Fusionmix
*whistle* Phew!

That was a good read, I'll have to say. Very good work.

9/2/2006 c9 Drew L
Congrats. You're the first author to ever make a thoroughly unlikeable Samus.

Excellent portrayal of psychology in Samus.
6/22/2006 c9 4escudo-blade
Good, I read this story about a year ago, but I just found it again. I love this story.
5/17/2006 c9 11Insomniac By Choice
I would like very much to review this. I would like to, but I can't. Too much nostalgia, too much reverence, and ultimately too much emulation get in the way of that. More than anything else, this fic shaped my Metroid fiction ideas and therefore my writing. The world it's put in is so seedy and dark, the mission she has is so dreadful. The effect reaches into See You Next Mission where bounty hunting and assassinations are basically synonyms. It's not an original idea for you or I, but this fic is where that springs from for me.

It's really not worth the pedestal I put it on. Objectively, it just isn't. It's not a technically great piece and you've gone on to write much much better things. You know that already. Rain and Backdrifts are technically better, no doubt other general fiction ones are much better. But this one, for what it is and tries to do, this one is the most pure.

If you went back and tried to make this technically better, I don't know that it would actually improve it. It's like a huge, uncut diamond. There are better cut diamonds already out there and to try and make this one of them would remove it's specialness. It's often too blunt, or angsty, or unnecessarily vulgar. Samus curses just because she can and is sadistic almost beyond what is sensible or acceptable. The technology almost seems like it's today with Powered Suits and energy guns. But are those really flaws considering what this is? Are those flaws considering what this does?

Like I said, I can't review this. I like it too much and you're not planning on changing anything about it. It's a relic, almost. Seven years old and still reads well. Seven years and it still has purpose and focus. If there's Metroid literary canon, this battles the Kihunters for the starting point, and in my opinion this is the better piece. It projects a pure image and sets the extreme of how dark Samus can be without going too far. This is enough, and anything more would be too much.

So take this for what it is. A fan blathering on about something he loves, and nothing more.
6/29/2005 c9 2Pancakechef
I read this story, about three years ago, and I decided to read it again.

I do have to say that this is an excellent story, but for some reason, I felt it was mising something.

Don't get me wrong; it's amazing as it is. But something seems to be off. You should relax more with the story. At times I felt it was moving too fast. I didn't fully understand what Samus was going through, with her visions and all, but I guess we aren't meant to, huh?
1/10/2005 c9 Byrnstar
I don't know whether to call this disturbing or fantastic. I've seen this in passing many times - and I don't know why I didn't settle down to read it before.

Samus' madness is as beautiful as it is frightening. This is the 'darkest' I've seen for the character, which considering the themes of the games is a surprise. One wonders if her madness stems entirely from her profession and a gradual degredation of morality. Being orphaned, raised by an alien race, then abandoned again would also take its toll on the psyche...

And kudos for making *good* use of Houston. I like an author who actually makes an effort to take an outside character and remake them in their own unique image. Forget the comic - I like your guy better. :)
11/10/2004 c9 11Spooky2
Wow. This has got to be one of the best Metroid fics I've read so far. (Though I doubt none will be able to top this!) Very dark. An interesting take on her life before the Space Pirates. Definitely a favorite!
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