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2/21/2009 c3 15fang shinobi
^^, Haven't reviewed in a while... nice chap. gambare!
2/19/2009 c3 se-tar
Aw~~ that dying scene was so heat-wrenching T_T

I thought Mokuba was going to be abducted, again, not running away. Honestly Seto didn't something wrong to him, it was Mokuba to be blamed, bursting out that suddenly -_-

Running away is so childish & uncalled for... & unfair to Seto.

I like stoic Kaiba much more, non-emotional but certainly not this rude & unkind to Morris & people like him.
2/18/2009 c3 MythCreatorWriter
Wow that was emotional. It was different to read that his parents and live before the orphange was full of red-necks. I was glad when Kaiba pointed out how different he was from his father. I always like when one parents is like one of the children.

I never considered Kaiba an introspective person, but I'm a believer in this. Really liked some things: Seto with his mood being the weather, how he appeared emotionless and collected when his mind was spiraling, how much he loved Mokuba, the image of him putting his head in his hands, the added detail about the building.

I also liked how you presented the death of his parents. How he reacted was very realistic. And interesting new twist on why he doesn't want to change back. Also liked the image of Kaiba after the flashback. Love how you had Kaiba think about what Mokie said, and how he wouldn't admit defeat to his step-father. So him.

And how Gozaburo burned all the pictures, but Seto managed to save one. Also liked the paragraph on how tired he surprisenly was, that's awesome. Love how you had Seto picturing all the things in the past that happened to Mokuba, and Seto's reaction to him leaving is priceless. Jut how I would picture it.

Man I just liked so many things in this chatper. It's all very interesting and unique. I love it. Where's Mokuba? I hope he's okay.
2/11/2009 c2 3The Lunar Rainbow
Aww, poor Mokuba!

Great story! It's so intense. :D

I hope there is more to come!
1/18/2009 c2 MythCreatorWriter
Wow, you have presented me with some intriuging questions this chapter.

The emotions were clear for Mokuba here, and I liked how each flowed into one another. Though some went too briefly for me. And the end could have been cut into at least two paragraphs for more emphasis.

Oh poor Mokie. He's become afraid of his brother in ways. Seto does blame his step-father for everything but he's dead. And he hasn't changed. Well, it does take awhile for someone to change when people have been bad to you, and the world has basically shown you people cannot be trusted and that you are not good enough. It's compicated, just like Seto. But it's not that easy to change once you've basically have been broken.

I like the image of Mokuba like that trying to talk to Seto. But Kaiba doesn't hesitate, or shows hesitation.

Did you have more chapters? You must have deleted them...
1/18/2009 c1 MythCreatorWriter
Hm interesting introduction. I do love the added details about Kaiba here that I haven't seen anywhere. Like basically the very beginning, you had describtion and detail that I havnen't seen, at least written that way.

I really like how you describe how his face changes when he smiles, which is of course totally true.

For some reason, I still can't see Morris, I keep picturing Hobkins. I know he's rich but wouldn't Kaiba remove his own trench coat?

Really like your physical describtion of what's going on, though the trench coat scene wasn't so clear for me.
1/11/2009 c2 9Pharaoh'sJewel
Poor mokuba!

this is so intense! update soon!
1/11/2009 c2 4black-heart-green-eyes
Fantastic plot. I always love this kind of thing. You portrayed Kaiba very well I might add, as with all the characters so far. Please update soon, I really want to read the rest! Pwetty pwease? ^.^

9/29/2008 c5 26Anti-Logic
Very sweet story. The end was adorable, the characters were thought out, and Joey's dialect was tackled with style.
11/30/2006 c1 6Kiwikirk
this story is great. I really enjoyed it. too bad not many people review it. Great job!
9/10/2006 c1 6Growing Pain
Wow! A truly emotionally engaging read, I tell you that! But first, before the praise, comes the criticism;

your spelling. You spell some words wrong. Like, not "straiten" but "straighten", "raisin" instead of "raison"(raison belong in another context entirly) and stuff like that. I suggest you proofread the chapter a few more times before posting. Especially with larger stories like these, because then it's automatically harder to depict faults. But no worries, I still understood everything :P

And now onto the good parts: I really REALLY liked the perspective brought up on the fact that, yes, Gozaburo changed Kaiba. But he's been long dead now, and Kaiba could change back. If he wanted to. Because no one's going to tolerate an asshole just because of some rough years he's had. So. Very. True.

And I love their butler! Wohoo! :D He was such a traditional old butler, I couldn't help but fall for his stereotypical charm ^_^ All butlers should be like that. Yup yup. Ah, so very huggable. =D

The characterisation was well executed. Mokuba being so affected by the words Morris said and then confronting his brother and such. And Kaiba...aww! He went out looking for him like a fool! I must admit however, when I read that Mokuba had ran away, I was not very much pleased. Because it seemed unrational. Now I see a bit more why he went, because WHERE he went had importance. But at least he could've left a note saying "Don't worry brother, I'll be back" or something or another. O_o The running away was the only thing that stood out to me in being OOC.

I can see WHY you wrote it though. It inspired Kaiba to be who he used to be (slowly but surely) and you had Joey in it! :D You can not believe how fondly I grinned when his first line came. I was "JOEY! That's my Joey! HAHA! YES! He's included!", and Kaiba's contempt towards him was well shown, as well as Joey's. But then you deepened their relationship. I ADORE whenever they form a bond (whether it is a friendship one or romantic. I don't care. It's beautiful anyway), and their dialogues were just...so fitting! And I couldn't help but crack up when Kaiba awoke in Shizuka's room, with the poster of himself hanging there. HAHA! (And I am REALLY happy you did not involve any romance on Kaiba's part. It would have been forced considering the circumstances). I positively adored seeing Joey and Kaiba grow together as equals. And friends! HA! Joey even said it ^_^ Aww! (Plus I KNEW Joey'd never really leave Kaiba in that fight. It's so NOT like him ^_^) They make a great team.

Owen kicks ass too. He's so funny. And huggable. Not to mention the flashback was really sad. And gripping. Poor Seto...

But the ending... I was SO worried you wouldn't have Mokuba wake up, and just end it with him being with his "friends", because that was not what the story was about. It was about him and Mokuba. But when he woke up...and aww! Lovely! I worried for nothing! :D

Wow, I've rambled alot. But only because your story was long, so there's a lot to comment on. ^_^ (And long is not a bad thing. I much prefer this instead of you having divided it into chapters. After all, chapters make you wait for updates haha).

Good job, and take care! =D

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