for Longing11/9/2008 c2 
14CSS Stravag
Not a bad prologue. I look forward to see how Cagalli goes about investigating this one and and how Flay reacts to it. I also would like to see your theory on Flay's survival.
I gather this is excluding the existence of Destiny, but not the characters in question?
14CSS StravagNot a bad prologue. I look forward to see how Cagalli goes about investigating this one and and how Flay reacts to it. I also would like to see your theory on Flay's survival.
I gather this is excluding the existence of Destiny, but not the characters in question?
11/1/2008 c1 CSS Stravag
Ah, a 'Flay Survived' fic, been a while since I gave one of those a look. Wonder how this one will conclude...
Onward to the next chapter, I daresay.
Ah, a 'Flay Survived' fic, been a while since I gave one of those a look. Wonder how this one will conclude...
Onward to the next chapter, I daresay.
12/13/2006 c2 dark.retreat
Sure, you've got my attention, alright. You've made Flay a captivating character, with the personality and all. Better than the bitch many present her as.
It's interesting, although Cagalli is pondering a lot on the situation. It feels like she's kinda overdoing it if she actually does something about it. But I'm not sure what this will end up leading to, so sparks of amusement there.
Sure, you've got my attention, alright. You've made Flay a captivating character, with the personality and all. Better than the bitch many present her as.
It's interesting, although Cagalli is pondering a lot on the situation. It feels like she's kinda overdoing it if she actually does something about it. But I'm not sure what this will end up leading to, so sparks of amusement there.
11/12/2006 c2 8NoshMono
For the readers' information (wait, do other readers read reviews like I do?), this chapter have been rewritten so that Nick could bring the freshest to all of you. (okay, that sounds like a farm produce advert)
By the way, Nick, I know it's redundant for me to say this, but great work! Perhaps you can improve the summary a bit so that it will catch other readers' attention?
8NoshMonoFor the readers' information (wait, do other readers read reviews like I do?), this chapter have been rewritten so that Nick could bring the freshest to all of you. (okay, that sounds like a farm produce advert)
By the way, Nick, I know it's redundant for me to say this, but great work! Perhaps you can improve the summary a bit so that it will catch other readers' attention?
11/8/2006 c2 r
Good chapter, looking forward to more
Good chapter, looking forward to more
10/17/2006 c1 8dark.retreat
It certainly piqued my interest.
It's very good. I like how the story is unfolding, and there are little mistakes. From memory, it was "you're loss", instead of 'your loss'. Although I know that it can't really be helped, it gets a bit repetitive when you're trying to get the identity of the character to remain anonymous, i.e., the woman, etc... Maybe try some variation by using she/her, or approaching it with a synonym.
In addition, the line 'The owner of the shop was also Fllay’s landlord as well ', you have a repeated implication. It's sounds a little weird, because 'also' and 'as well' have the same meaning, so it's only necessary to have one or the other there.
Sorry, I'm being picky, aren't I? But the mistakes aren't as bad as I make it out to be, just a suggestion. The content really is excellent. You have a style that is simplistic yet effective. Very well written.
8dark.retreatIt certainly piqued my interest.
It's very good. I like how the story is unfolding, and there are little mistakes. From memory, it was "you're loss", instead of 'your loss'. Although I know that it can't really be helped, it gets a bit repetitive when you're trying to get the identity of the character to remain anonymous, i.e., the woman, etc... Maybe try some variation by using she/her, or approaching it with a synonym.
In addition, the line 'The owner of the shop was also Fllay’s landlord as well ', you have a repeated implication. It's sounds a little weird, because 'also' and 'as well' have the same meaning, so it's only necessary to have one or the other there.
Sorry, I'm being picky, aren't I? But the mistakes aren't as bad as I make it out to be, just a suggestion. The content really is excellent. You have a style that is simplistic yet effective. Very well written.
10/16/2006 c1 r
This looks like a great start, this could be a very interesting story, I can't stand Flay but this story seems very interesting, looking forward to more
This looks like a great start, this could be a very interesting story, I can't stand Flay but this story seems very interesting, looking forward to more