1/11/2009 c2 5loststolenandfound
okay so i read this story and only got to chapter three at which point i needed to re-read the story all over again. im sorry but i can bear reading the rest of this story. its just simple little nitty things in the plot line such as where Nathan tells Haley that maybe lucas hasnt changed and that its her that has. this is not naley nathan would not do this. you have portrayed everyone as so antsy and irritated that it just inst beleievable because they are none of the characters usual traits. please in stead of so much darn speech take a little time to set the scene and the characters feelings. i wont lie this story has potential and that is why i have written such a long review which i dont normally do with a bad story ... i just move on to another. But if you corrected all the silly amateur errors this story would be good perhaps even great. i really hope you read this and dont take as too offensive because it isnt meant to be! just a little constructive criticism! :)

11/2/2008 c8 19toddntan
Okay… Hahaha! First of all, I commend you for trying to write something. I know how hard it is to actually create a story that makes sense. And usually, I wouldn’t even review, but I’m bored! And although I should be writing for my other stories, I just couldn’t. So, I came across your story which has 8 chapters! I figured 8 chapters…that should be good, BUT this…? Buddy, I mean this in the kindest way possible and I hate to have to tell you this, but your story kind of sucks.

Don’t take this the wrong way, I mean the first chapters were a little good…maybe a period or two, some details, and/ or dialogue, which is common. A Beta would help with that, but after a while, I was like…What the Hell? LOL! I didn’t understand the Prom, Darling or the Brathan sex when they so obviously love Luke and Hales, but this chapter takes the cake! I burst into a giggle Fit… I mean dude, A F*cking Giggle fit! WHERE, WHO, WHY would you write a Nathan clone Raping Brooke, Sweetheart? Why would you do that? LOL! I can’t stop laughing, but damn that was just outrageous! At first I thought I was just reading it wrong, but you went there!

You know, you could always change this to a comedy or Sci-fi setting or genera. Then you wouldn’t have to delete this story or anything! I think it would be good and your writing style is pretty good! You should just take more time to develop a plot that actually makes sense instead of a jumble glob of nonsense you managed to regurgitate on this chapter. :)

So, I would suggest maybe obtaining a BETA. I’m sure anyone would love to help you! Hell, I am BETAing one of the coolest writers on this site, but if you want, I could help you on the side. I don’t claim to be a writer, but I could help if you needed it. I can write a lot of details and would gladly give you some pointers.

Anyway, good luck with this… Huh, story. Don’t give up, just improve.

GOD Bless Homie,

-Toddian

10/25/2007 c1 INACTIVEACCOUNT243095
Wow. This was just-bad. Painful to read, actually. Why waste your time when the overwhelming majority tell you over and over that it isn't enjoyable nor does it make ANY sense whatsoever? Learn how to use a freaking period, for Christ sakes! And why is this all dialogue? That doesn't qualify as a story.

10/24/2007 c7 bornagainbrucasfan
i dont understand that at all, it makes no sense that they would do that considering how in love they were. hope you fix this cuz that was kinda stupid

10/22/2007 c7 5formerflautist
This does seem young. And your grammar needs work. You always need punctuation at the end of a sentence. And OMG is for text messaging, not for short stories.

12/27/2006 c1 8Potato92
i think it would make more sense for brooke and lucas and haley and nathan to go together :D

12/23/2006 c6 Potato92
The chapter was okay... but i don't think what lucas did seemed likely...

ud soon