10/28/2006 c1 7Violet Kefira
Hey, Shiner! So glad you PM'ed me!

I think that this fic has definite potential! You've got some nice ideas. But I have a few suggestions.

One is that you really need some more description. For example, why not describe the ride? Instead of "they got on, then they got off," why not write something like, "The rollercoaster had them all screaming and laughing throughout the whole ride. Ron seemed a little lightheaded when they finally stumbled off, and Hermione especially felt sick. They headed off to the Aqua-Slide next."

Make things more interesting by putting in more description, and more dialogue. Your readers want to get to know your characters. Your fic is OOC, and that's okay for the most part. But you need to set up who your characters are if they aren't going to act like they do in the books.

Hope all this helps!

~ Vi Ke