for Battle on the Lovefield4/7/2008 c30 
4Charlee Toombs
I like the plot, the ideas are set, its just the use of two tenses that are off.
When talking, it should be done in present tense, since it is currently happening, and saying things like 'she says this and that, do not work.
When describing however, it should be past tense, as if a memory..
Sorry if this seems harsh, but this is something know one bothered to explain to me properly until very recently (in Spanish 12 no less.)
however, i do like this story, but it was fairly noticable when you jumped from tense to tense.
4Charlee ToombsI like the plot, the ideas are set, its just the use of two tenses that are off.
When talking, it should be done in present tense, since it is currently happening, and saying things like 'she says this and that, do not work.
When describing however, it should be past tense, as if a memory..
Sorry if this seems harsh, but this is something know one bothered to explain to me properly until very recently (in Spanish 12 no less.)
however, i do like this story, but it was fairly noticable when you jumped from tense to tense.
8/23/2007 c30 1FanFicFreakForever
omg please start another story anyway this is sam yur number one reader this is my screenname on fanfic!
1FanFicFreakForeveromg please start another story anyway this is sam yur number one reader this is my screenname on fanfic!
6/13/2007 c23 L.E
Ok, here's the thing, right now I'm reading chap 23 and I need to say something before I forget.
Your story is really nice, but you should pay attention to the grammar. Not only words are misspelled, but verb tenses are REALLY wrong. You should get a beta reader so readers won't be focused on finding errors instead of just reading.
Oh, and just to clear out... I saw your profile, and it says you're from Singapure. I'm not sure if english is your first language, but even if it's not, that's no excuse since it's not mine neither ;P
Please don't take me wrong, I'm just trying to help!
Ok, here's the thing, right now I'm reading chap 23 and I need to say something before I forget.
Your story is really nice, but you should pay attention to the grammar. Not only words are misspelled, but verb tenses are REALLY wrong. You should get a beta reader so readers won't be focused on finding errors instead of just reading.
Oh, and just to clear out... I saw your profile, and it says you're from Singapure. I'm not sure if english is your first language, but even if it's not, that's no excuse since it's not mine neither ;P
Please don't take me wrong, I'm just trying to help!
4/4/2007 c30 4CrAzY-gIrL-oUt-To-WrEaK-hAvOc
Aww, happy ending!:) It was really sweet, like a freshly baked chocolate chip cookie.. hehXD This is your first story right? Well it's really good!:D I'm looking forward to more stories, and yes I'll add you to my Author Alert list!:D
Take care!:)
4CrAzY-gIrL-oUt-To-WrEaK-hAvOcAww, happy ending!:) It was really sweet, like a freshly baked chocolate chip cookie.. hehXD This is your first story right? Well it's really good!:D I'm looking forward to more stories, and yes I'll add you to my Author Alert list!:D
Take care!:)
3/31/2007 c7 Lena
This story isn't bad, I, for one, am enjoying it but... you NEED a beta reader, someone who will correct the grammar, there are currently many mistakes that confuse and bother the reader, mainly there is a huge confusion between past and present tense in the narration, you're writing in third person you can't use present tense in the description, besides draco's story is pretty... unbelievable, even by fanfiction standards...
With some editing you can achieve a story really plesant to read, because right now there's much effort put in by the reader to overcome the tension the grammar mistakes create, and much attention is taken away from the story.
Good luck^^
This story isn't bad, I, for one, am enjoying it but... you NEED a beta reader, someone who will correct the grammar, there are currently many mistakes that confuse and bother the reader, mainly there is a huge confusion between past and present tense in the narration, you're writing in third person you can't use present tense in the description, besides draco's story is pretty... unbelievable, even by fanfiction standards...
With some editing you can achieve a story really plesant to read, because right now there's much effort put in by the reader to overcome the tension the grammar mistakes create, and much attention is taken away from the story.
Good luck^^
3/30/2007 c30 19fleeting.ideas
... x)
yay for happy endings.
all around, and well, Martha was old.
And she was awesome so she can go.
It's okay... *sniff* Ima get through this
I'm through, chapter 30 really helped with that.
Good job on this fic and I'll be looking for the next one :]
19fleeting.ideas... x)
yay for happy endings.
all around, and well, Martha was old.
And she was awesome so she can go.
It's okay... *sniff* Ima get through this
I'm through, chapter 30 really helped with that.
Good job on this fic and I'll be looking for the next one :]
3/29/2007 c12 harry fan
oh come on all the chapters are short for my taste.if u write a story in future please make the chapters bigger.
oh come on all the chapters are short for my taste.if u write a story in future please make the chapters bigger.
3/28/2007 c30 Sam
amazing! I can't believe this one has ended! I feel i might cry! I will out u on author alert right away! can't wait till your next story! hope tp talk soon! ByeBye
amazing! I can't believe this one has ended! I feel i might cry! I will out u on author alert right away! can't wait till your next story! hope tp talk soon! ByeBye
3/26/2007 c29 sam
great chapter! im glad to be back! i have always kept reading and it's the most amazing harry potter story ever! IM sorry i haven't reviewed in a while! ive always kept up to date and haven't reviewed! sorry school has owned for a while keep writing!
great chapter! im glad to be back! i have always kept reading and it's the most amazing harry potter story ever! IM sorry i haven't reviewed in a while! ive always kept up to date and haven't reviewed! sorry school has owned for a while keep writing!
3/26/2007 c29 4CrAzY-gIrL-oUt-To-WrEaK-hAvOc
Haha, I had this sort of weird feeling about her before- now it's all good!:P You convinced me that Ginny's cool, hehXD Anyways that was a sweet chapter.. the 200,0 Galleon price was funny though:P Can't wait for the last chapter!:)
4CrAzY-gIrL-oUt-To-WrEaK-hAvOcHaha, I had this sort of weird feeling about her before- now it's all good!:P You convinced me that Ginny's cool, hehXD Anyways that was a sweet chapter.. the 200,0 Galleon price was funny though:P Can't wait for the last chapter!:)
3/22/2007 c28 19fleeting.ideas
First I worry about Malfoy. Then Ginny. Then Ron. Then Malfoy and Ginny again. Then I celebrate a triumph with Blaise/Pansy because I saw that coming... two chapters ago. Then the students. Then Harry. Then Hermione. Then Jilly. Then Neville. Then Moody and Minerva. Then Jilly. Then Ron. Then everyone.
what worry. Well, Avery's quite melevolent (spelled wrong, though) and bitter. And vengeful. I guess that it's, really, not evil persey.
But good job with your projects + good luck with the assignments.
I'm going to miss this... :]
19fleeting.ideasFirst I worry about Malfoy. Then Ginny. Then Ron. Then Malfoy and Ginny again. Then I celebrate a triumph with Blaise/Pansy because I saw that coming... two chapters ago. Then the students. Then Harry. Then Hermione. Then Jilly. Then Neville. Then Moody and Minerva. Then Jilly. Then Ron. Then everyone.
what worry. Well, Avery's quite melevolent (spelled wrong, though) and bitter. And vengeful. I guess that it's, really, not evil persey.
But good job with your projects + good luck with the assignments.
I'm going to miss this... :]
3/20/2007 c28 Sam
hey glad to have you back! great chapter! keep it going
hey glad to have you back! great chapter! keep it going
3/20/2007 c28 4CrAzY-gIrL-oUt-To-WrEaK-hAvOc
Haha! I loved what Ginny did- so I sort of like her now.. still not my favorite character ever thoughXD The BlaisePansy scene was cute, but the RonJilly was so sad..TT I hope she pulls through!
It makes me sad to know that it's almost done! You've done a really good job, you should write more!:)
Take care!:P
4CrAzY-gIrL-oUt-To-WrEaK-hAvOcHaha! I loved what Ginny did- so I sort of like her now.. still not my favorite character ever thoughXD The BlaisePansy scene was cute, but the RonJilly was so sad..TT I hope she pulls through!
It makes me sad to know that it's almost done! You've done a really good job, you should write more!:)
Take care!:P
3/8/2007 c27 11pstibbons
Er... (goes to read old review again)... I thought I said that Donovan's the bimboish character, not Harry. Anyway, it does appear that Donovan does have some competence in his job. So he (D) is upped to a 'stupid pretty boy with a brain that he ought to use in his personal life in addition to his professional life'. (Eh, so I've got issues against pretty boys. Tough bikkies.)
Ta for the chapter. McG turning up was unexpected. Did she get a note too?
I forget, what are the four of them (H,Hr,G,D) trying to accomplish together?
11pstibbonsEr... (goes to read old review again)... I thought I said that Donovan's the bimboish character, not Harry. Anyway, it does appear that Donovan does have some competence in his job. So he (D) is upped to a 'stupid pretty boy with a brain that he ought to use in his personal life in addition to his professional life'. (Eh, so I've got issues against pretty boys. Tough bikkies.)
Ta for the chapter. McG turning up was unexpected. Did she get a note too?
I forget, what are the four of them (H,Hr,G,D) trying to accomplish together?
3/7/2007 c27 4CrAzY-gIrL-oUt-To-WrEaK-hAvOc
Hehe, it's all done now!:P And just in time; I'm not sure it was that good though.. hahaha! Oh, and things ARE getting interesting.. I can't wait for more!:D Take care!:)
4CrAzY-gIrL-oUt-To-WrEaK-hAvOcHehe, it's all done now!:P And just in time; I'm not sure it was that good though.. hahaha! Oh, and things ARE getting interesting.. I can't wait for more!:D Take care!:)