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for Jared's Angel

11/23/2006 c5 6LovelyClair
I really have a hars time reading this story its way too choppy and dosnt really make sence I like the Ideas you have though but you have a lot that you might want to imporve on ie: The script form isn't that easy to read if it must be script form try putting the copy in a different font than the chars name. also try announcing when its a different scene it would help to keep track of whats going on. another note you mak want to explain the story and added characters.
11/11/2006 c1 emma134
that was good load soon

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