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12/16/2006 c1 2Phantom5656
hey there. i think the idea you have is good so far. it's just that(and i don't mean to sound like a jerk or anything, but) you need to get some one to read your stuff besides you before you post it. and space it out a bit. discription never hurt anybody, so don't be afraid to use a little more. but aside from these things, i think you have a solid story idea! i look forward to reading more.
11/27/2006 c1 satsu
Dear (hopefully) New Writer,

You need work and badly. First off get a beta, some one who has better grammar than you, to check your story. Secondly the enter key is your friend, use him some time. Thirdly, chapters in a story need to be longer, much longer. And be VERY, VERY CARFULL that your OC (Original Character) doesn't become a MARY SUE. If you wish for a link to a test to see if she is I might be a boul to dig one up for you... PM me if you want it.

Hoping you take my advice,

Satsu

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