for Fool Lystar6/24/2007 c11 
1MJ MOD
How horrible! Poor Bessa, she wasn't bright but no everyone is or need to be. There was no one to help her. How terrible. Now a Queen and her rider are dead.
1MJ MODHow horrible! Poor Bessa, she wasn't bright but no everyone is or need to be. There was no one to help her. How terrible. Now a Queen and her rider are dead.
6/24/2007 c7 MJ MOD
What did the Weyr discover? I hope it's only the harper coming back! He'll be very surprised when he finds Lystar instead of K'beth!
What did the Weyr discover? I hope it's only the harper coming back! He'll be very surprised when he finds Lystar instead of K'beth!
6/24/2007 c6 MJ MOD
OMG! Someone killed a dragonrider! That's horribly irresponsible! Poor Lystar is under a lot of stress!
OMG! Someone killed a dragonrider! That's horribly irresponsible! Poor Lystar is under a lot of stress!
6/24/2007 c5 MJ MOD
Aahh, Lystar is very tired. Travel time is very confusing isn't it? What's the proper verb tense to use when you're going back or forth in time?
Aahh, Lystar is very tired. Travel time is very confusing isn't it? What's the proper verb tense to use when you're going back or forth in time?
6/24/2007 c4 MJ MOD
What happened? Did K'beth and his dragon come back from an accidental future meeting? Did Lystar and Calaith go back too early? Did they arrive when they were fighting thread?
What happened? Did K'beth and his dragon come back from an accidental future meeting? Did Lystar and Calaith go back too early? Did they arrive when they were fighting thread?
6/24/2007 c3 MJ MOD
Hi, I feel Lystar's emotions are vivid and real. I could feel her pain and her despair. And from what I know, it's hard writing emotions, practice makes perfect. *g* Aww, poor girl, she can't fly thread anymore.
Hi, I feel Lystar's emotions are vivid and real. I could feel her pain and her despair. And from what I know, it's hard writing emotions, practice makes perfect. *g* Aww, poor girl, she can't fly thread anymore.
6/11/2007 c12 anon
This was very nicely devolped; Lystar is a well defined and unique character.
This was very nicely devolped; Lystar is a well defined and unique character.
6/9/2007 c1 Donne Anonime
I've read like half of it so far. It's pretty good, though you take some prose liberties that others might not see eye to eye with, though I personally agree, and take those same liberties, quite a lot (for instance, the constant divisions of the writing seen in the first few chapters). Lystar sounds rather cute to me, and I like her as a character. She acts very naturally (as naturally as a fantasy character can anyway).
I've never read this series, and in general am not a big fan of fantasy, but to be perfectly honest I might just to understand this fanfic better.
Anyway, I think you have a future in writing as long as you have your own solid story ideas. It's rather difficult to judge someone's skill from fanfiction (I for one write fanfiction haphazardly and without a care) but I think I can say you're going along well.
I've read like half of it so far. It's pretty good, though you take some prose liberties that others might not see eye to eye with, though I personally agree, and take those same liberties, quite a lot (for instance, the constant divisions of the writing seen in the first few chapters). Lystar sounds rather cute to me, and I like her as a character. She acts very naturally (as naturally as a fantasy character can anyway).
I've never read this series, and in general am not a big fan of fantasy, but to be perfectly honest I might just to understand this fanfic better.
Anyway, I think you have a future in writing as long as you have your own solid story ideas. It's rather difficult to judge someone's skill from fanfiction (I for one write fanfiction haphazardly and without a care) but I think I can say you're going along well.
5/31/2007 c12 1twinklewind
Wow, an excellent read. Quite a quality story balancing the tricky time thing, a touching romance, and an interesting crisis. Great job!
I really liked Lystar; her inner turmoil and her outward openness and K'beth. They are a great pair, and you've made the story work very well. If you were to go back and do edits, I will probably kill you for marring a perfect story, but I think if you didn't like Lystar's insecurity at times, you could also add segments that would still demonstrate her strength at the same time, rather than complete different characters depending on situation.
But like I said, it's a wonderful, complete, and thoroughly enjoyable story. Congrats!
1twinklewindWow, an excellent read. Quite a quality story balancing the tricky time thing, a touching romance, and an interesting crisis. Great job!
I really liked Lystar; her inner turmoil and her outward openness and K'beth. They are a great pair, and you've made the story work very well. If you were to go back and do edits, I will probably kill you for marring a perfect story, but I think if you didn't like Lystar's insecurity at times, you could also add segments that would still demonstrate her strength at the same time, rather than complete different characters depending on situation.
But like I said, it's a wonderful, complete, and thoroughly enjoyable story. Congrats!
5/28/2007 c12 Fia
Who! You rock! Your story rocks! Perfect to the last detail!
Who! You rock! Your story rocks! Perfect to the last detail!
5/28/2007 c10 Fia
Oh, that was good! Things are finally clear, now! And I'm glad to see you remembered the 'soft' dragon hide! *laugh*
Oh, that was good! Things are finally clear, now! And I'm glad to see you remembered the 'soft' dragon hide! *laugh*
5/23/2007 c12 4paisley is a kind of pattern
yay! i'm sad to hear that this is the end of the story (maybe more? please?) but you tied it up well. makes my heart happy. heh so this is what comes out of my head when i don't think. this story was so enjoyable to read, and i'm glad to see it ended happily. thanks so much for writing!
4paisley is a kind of patternyay! i'm sad to hear that this is the end of the story (maybe more? please?) but you tied it up well. makes my heart happy. heh so this is what comes out of my head when i don't think. this story was so enjoyable to read, and i'm glad to see it ended happily. thanks so much for writing!
5/17/2007 c12 PSTurner
Great story! Sequeal? OK! I look forward to it.
Yes, it was an AH! But an AH I was hoping for, so thanks!
I look forward to your next story and good luck with exams!
Pam
Great story! Sequeal? OK! I look forward to it.
Yes, it was an AH! But an AH I was hoping for, so thanks!
I look forward to your next story and good luck with exams!
Pam
5/15/2007 c12 Child
*Claps* Bravo! Very good!
My first and last review...
Ah well! Finely done, and I await the sequel with bated breath! (Well, not literally, but you know what I mean.)
*Claps* Bravo! Very good!
My first and last review...
Ah well! Finely done, and I await the sequel with bated breath! (Well, not literally, but you know what I mean.)