for Photograph7/2/2007 c20 macca64
O Lordie. I don't know what to say. This was just so damn emotional. I feel so bad for Hisoka and Tsuzuki.
This was perfect for the last chapter, even though I can't wait for the epilouge.
This was an amazing stroy. Great job.
O Lordie. I don't know what to say. This was just so damn emotional. I feel so bad for Hisoka and Tsuzuki.
This was perfect for the last chapter, even though I can't wait for the epilouge.
This was an amazing stroy. Great job.
7/2/2007 c20 
11Lady of Revenge
I was shivering through the whole thing, really. I. Absolutely. Loathe. That. Man. Why can't Muraki just DIE. Anyway, I think this was the best chapter you've written yet. Emotion and all... poor boys. Liked it a lot (even though the mention of rape still makes me sick.) Gosh, I need to watch Yami no Matsuei again..
11Lady of RevengeI was shivering through the whole thing, really. I. Absolutely. Loathe. That. Man. Why can't Muraki just DIE. Anyway, I think this was the best chapter you've written yet. Emotion and all... poor boys. Liked it a lot (even though the mention of rape still makes me sick.) Gosh, I need to watch Yami no Matsuei again..
7/2/2007 c20 hasleftthesite
Can't blame them for not saying anything the entire day cause as you pointed out yourself so nicely, what was there left to say? Anything that would have been said at that moment would have just sounded so hollow and not at its place.
"My mom told me once that when you're afraid of something, what you want more than anything else is to make it go away. You want your life back to the way it was before you found out that there was something to be afraid of. You want to build a high wall and live your old life behind it. But nothing ever stays the same. That's not your old life at all. That's your new life with a wall around it. Your choice is not about going back to the way things were. Your choice is about hiding, or about going right to the heart of the thing that scares you." "We're all standing at the edge of a cliff all the time every day, a cliff we're all going over. Our choice isn't about that. Our choice is about whether we want to go kicking and screaming, or whether we might want to open our eyes and our hearts to what happens once we start to fall." Just two quotes from the show 'Taken' that felt here at their place to describe basically Hisoka's decision. He accepts his destiny and doesn't fight against it anymore. He doesn't kick or scream but goes over the cliff with his eyes open, embracing what will happen to him.
Ah and that piece where you have Tatsumi and Watari holding Tsuzuki back from going after Hisoka or calling out to him was so sad. It must have been so hard for all three of them. Watari and Tatsumi cause they don't want anything more then to see Tsuzuki happy and their action prevents just that cause the only way Tsuzuki could be happy would be if he could stay with Hisoka and change Hisoka's destiny. And well I don't think I need to explain why this is hard on Tsuzuki. When you love someone with all your heart, you want to protect that person from all the bad things in the world and stay by this person's side forever and that is just what Tsuzuki can't do.
And so true, no matter how much time you get to prepare yourself for such a fate as the one Hisoka is facing, you can never be ready for it. It just is impossible.
The whole rape and curse thing was also very sad. On the one hand you have Tsuzuki who has to witness it all while he is unable to do anything. All he can do is stand by and watch helplessly. And on the other hand there is Hisoka who cries out for Tsuzuki, wanting the brunet by his side yet Tsuzuki doesn't answer his pleas. Hisoka is deserted once again at one of the worst times of his life. In a way he must feel betrayed by Tsuzuki yet he still finds in himself the power to forgive Tsuzuki and even tries to comfort Tsuzuki.
You know I really liked that Hisoka tried to make Tsuzuki feel better about what had just happened cause it shows that the love of Hisoka for Tsuzuki is pure and real. Only when you truly love someone do you put your own misere behind the happiness of the one you love and Hisoka clearly isn't thinking here about what has just happened to him but how it must have affected Tsuzuki and wants nothing more than to have Tsuzuki stop blaming himself. Damn, that was just beautiful!
And in return we get to see this action out of love mirrored in Tsuzuki's decision to let Tatsumi erase Hisoka's memories of him so that the memory of the rape and curse will also be erased. Tsuzuki rather has Hisoka living through the rest of his life without any idea about Tsuzuki's existence and the time they spent together and the horrible night with Muraki then have the boy remember him and also have to remember what Muraki did to him. I don't know if this is at its place here, but know that its very hard when you love someone with all your heart and this person doesn't remember you anymore when previously he also loved you. I think that should Tsuzuki and Hisoka meet again then it will be hard on Tsuzuki. Sure he'll be glad to see Hisoka again but the fact that Hisoka won't remember him and thus consequencelly also nothing of what they have shared together will be painful to take for him.
And what a sad ending! Damn I had tears in my eyes! Jesus, talk about a sad ending and a very sad goodbye. Jeez, I'm still trying to process it. Don't you dare to write something this sad ever again! (nah kidding, even sad stories and chapters can be great ones to read).
I'm holding you to your promise of an epilogue!
Kisses and hugs
Gillie
Can't blame them for not saying anything the entire day cause as you pointed out yourself so nicely, what was there left to say? Anything that would have been said at that moment would have just sounded so hollow and not at its place.
"My mom told me once that when you're afraid of something, what you want more than anything else is to make it go away. You want your life back to the way it was before you found out that there was something to be afraid of. You want to build a high wall and live your old life behind it. But nothing ever stays the same. That's not your old life at all. That's your new life with a wall around it. Your choice is not about going back to the way things were. Your choice is about hiding, or about going right to the heart of the thing that scares you." "We're all standing at the edge of a cliff all the time every day, a cliff we're all going over. Our choice isn't about that. Our choice is about whether we want to go kicking and screaming, or whether we might want to open our eyes and our hearts to what happens once we start to fall." Just two quotes from the show 'Taken' that felt here at their place to describe basically Hisoka's decision. He accepts his destiny and doesn't fight against it anymore. He doesn't kick or scream but goes over the cliff with his eyes open, embracing what will happen to him.
Ah and that piece where you have Tatsumi and Watari holding Tsuzuki back from going after Hisoka or calling out to him was so sad. It must have been so hard for all three of them. Watari and Tatsumi cause they don't want anything more then to see Tsuzuki happy and their action prevents just that cause the only way Tsuzuki could be happy would be if he could stay with Hisoka and change Hisoka's destiny. And well I don't think I need to explain why this is hard on Tsuzuki. When you love someone with all your heart, you want to protect that person from all the bad things in the world and stay by this person's side forever and that is just what Tsuzuki can't do.
And so true, no matter how much time you get to prepare yourself for such a fate as the one Hisoka is facing, you can never be ready for it. It just is impossible.
The whole rape and curse thing was also very sad. On the one hand you have Tsuzuki who has to witness it all while he is unable to do anything. All he can do is stand by and watch helplessly. And on the other hand there is Hisoka who cries out for Tsuzuki, wanting the brunet by his side yet Tsuzuki doesn't answer his pleas. Hisoka is deserted once again at one of the worst times of his life. In a way he must feel betrayed by Tsuzuki yet he still finds in himself the power to forgive Tsuzuki and even tries to comfort Tsuzuki.
You know I really liked that Hisoka tried to make Tsuzuki feel better about what had just happened cause it shows that the love of Hisoka for Tsuzuki is pure and real. Only when you truly love someone do you put your own misere behind the happiness of the one you love and Hisoka clearly isn't thinking here about what has just happened to him but how it must have affected Tsuzuki and wants nothing more than to have Tsuzuki stop blaming himself. Damn, that was just beautiful!
And in return we get to see this action out of love mirrored in Tsuzuki's decision to let Tatsumi erase Hisoka's memories of him so that the memory of the rape and curse will also be erased. Tsuzuki rather has Hisoka living through the rest of his life without any idea about Tsuzuki's existence and the time they spent together and the horrible night with Muraki then have the boy remember him and also have to remember what Muraki did to him. I don't know if this is at its place here, but know that its very hard when you love someone with all your heart and this person doesn't remember you anymore when previously he also loved you. I think that should Tsuzuki and Hisoka meet again then it will be hard on Tsuzuki. Sure he'll be glad to see Hisoka again but the fact that Hisoka won't remember him and thus consequencelly also nothing of what they have shared together will be painful to take for him.
And what a sad ending! Damn I had tears in my eyes! Jesus, talk about a sad ending and a very sad goodbye. Jeez, I'm still trying to process it. Don't you dare to write something this sad ever again! (nah kidding, even sad stories and chapters can be great ones to read).
I'm holding you to your promise of an epilogue!
Kisses and hugs
Gillie
7/2/2007 c20 7laustic
That was incredibly sad. I know, I know its suppose to happen but poor Hisoka and poor Tsuzuki. This chapter was so wonderfully written. Keep up the good work.
7lausticThat was incredibly sad. I know, I know its suppose to happen but poor Hisoka and poor Tsuzuki. This chapter was so wonderfully written. Keep up the good work.
6/27/2007 c19 hasleftthesite
Haha, this is funny. The other day I was just thinking how we still hadn't had Hisoka and Tsuzuki's little outing and look what this chapter holds!
Hihi Tsuzuki wants to go out, GO OUT. Had to laugh at how Hisoka interpretered that. Yet I have to say that I hadn't thought along that line since I was already thinking about a nice outing outside the cellar but well ... let us be honest, in a way it will be a DATE for them, LOL.
Poor Hisoka really never had a childhood now did he? Even before his parents found out about his empathy was he in a way kept in a cage, the cage of becoming a proper heir. It is sad when children aren't allowed to be children. When they aren't allowed to act their own age (sighs and shakes her head).
As for the playground I have to admit that about two years I did something kinda similar. Unfortunately as I was on the swing and the monkey bars, some people past by and they all looked at me like I was crazy. Haha, maybe I was, LOL. But it was sweet how Tsuuzki pushed Hisoka and learned him how to use a swing. I just love the swing! It is so fun to go real high and then close your eyes and feel like you're flying. You feel so free.
Have to admire Tsuzuki's perseverence. I wouldn't be able to keep trying to shoot over a stuffed puppy for an all hour straight.
Damn I had tears in my eyes when I read how they headed back home and you wrote out that scene where Tsuzuki drew Hisoka in an embrace and Hisoka told Tsuzuki that he knew and Tsuzuki told Hisoka that he knew that he knew (confused yet, LOL). It was so sad and in a way perfect for ending the evening before the dreadful day that was going to come.
And it was nice to read how Hisoka thanked Tsuzuki for everything. In a way it made me think of Pocahantes and the line "I'd rather die tomorrow than live a 100 years without knowing you." I think that the same applies for Hisoka. I think he rather faces what will happen to him tomorrow than live his life without the rape and curse and without having had the chance then to get to know and spend time with Tsuzuki. Cause in a way the only reason he got to know Tsuzuki is because of the rape. If you think about it it is sad. The only reason Hisoka got to know someone who really cares about him and isn't afraid of him is because of the terrible faith that is awaiting him. Maybe in a way it is just cruel to let Hisoka experience how it is to live a real live with people who care about him and go out and see some of the world and stuff like that when in the end he will just all lose that. Would it have been any easier for him to bear what will happen with Muraki when he hadn't met Tsuzuki and hadn't gotten a taste of real life? I wonder. "Why do we get beautiful things when in the end we only lose them?"
Hm I never thought about how hard it is also on an empath when people hide their feelings from them. But it is true that they would feel that the other person is closing himself partially off and I know that in such situations I would start to wonder about what it is the other is hidding from me and why he is hidding it from me. And yes, I would come up with the worst possible situations (damn I'm a pessimist).
And it was nice to have them finally hold each other and cry together. As I said before in an earlier review (at least I think it was for this story) it may not change much about the situation but it can be very healing.
Well on to the day out of hell I guess.
Kisses and hugs
Gillie
Haha, this is funny. The other day I was just thinking how we still hadn't had Hisoka and Tsuzuki's little outing and look what this chapter holds!
Hihi Tsuzuki wants to go out, GO OUT. Had to laugh at how Hisoka interpretered that. Yet I have to say that I hadn't thought along that line since I was already thinking about a nice outing outside the cellar but well ... let us be honest, in a way it will be a DATE for them, LOL.
Poor Hisoka really never had a childhood now did he? Even before his parents found out about his empathy was he in a way kept in a cage, the cage of becoming a proper heir. It is sad when children aren't allowed to be children. When they aren't allowed to act their own age (sighs and shakes her head).
As for the playground I have to admit that about two years I did something kinda similar. Unfortunately as I was on the swing and the monkey bars, some people past by and they all looked at me like I was crazy. Haha, maybe I was, LOL. But it was sweet how Tsuuzki pushed Hisoka and learned him how to use a swing. I just love the swing! It is so fun to go real high and then close your eyes and feel like you're flying. You feel so free.
Have to admire Tsuzuki's perseverence. I wouldn't be able to keep trying to shoot over a stuffed puppy for an all hour straight.
Damn I had tears in my eyes when I read how they headed back home and you wrote out that scene where Tsuzuki drew Hisoka in an embrace and Hisoka told Tsuzuki that he knew and Tsuzuki told Hisoka that he knew that he knew (confused yet, LOL). It was so sad and in a way perfect for ending the evening before the dreadful day that was going to come.
And it was nice to read how Hisoka thanked Tsuzuki for everything. In a way it made me think of Pocahantes and the line "I'd rather die tomorrow than live a 100 years without knowing you." I think that the same applies for Hisoka. I think he rather faces what will happen to him tomorrow than live his life without the rape and curse and without having had the chance then to get to know and spend time with Tsuzuki. Cause in a way the only reason he got to know Tsuzuki is because of the rape. If you think about it it is sad. The only reason Hisoka got to know someone who really cares about him and isn't afraid of him is because of the terrible faith that is awaiting him. Maybe in a way it is just cruel to let Hisoka experience how it is to live a real live with people who care about him and go out and see some of the world and stuff like that when in the end he will just all lose that. Would it have been any easier for him to bear what will happen with Muraki when he hadn't met Tsuzuki and hadn't gotten a taste of real life? I wonder. "Why do we get beautiful things when in the end we only lose them?"
Hm I never thought about how hard it is also on an empath when people hide their feelings from them. But it is true that they would feel that the other person is closing himself partially off and I know that in such situations I would start to wonder about what it is the other is hidding from me and why he is hidding it from me. And yes, I would come up with the worst possible situations (damn I'm a pessimist).
And it was nice to have them finally hold each other and cry together. As I said before in an earlier review (at least I think it was for this story) it may not change much about the situation but it can be very healing.
Well on to the day out of hell I guess.
Kisses and hugs
Gillie
6/26/2007 c19 laustic
That was sweet how Tsuzuki and Hisoka spent the day outside together. The last scene was so sad though. Poor Hisoka.
That was sweet how Tsuzuki and Hisoka spent the day outside together. The last scene was so sad though. Poor Hisoka.
6/26/2007 c19 7strawberrydevil
kyah! so sweet! so gorgeous! omigod! so overwhelming! i know i'm being repetitive here but i just love it! i could jst imagine how hisoka would react his 'future' finally happen to him...and what about tsuzuki! uwwa~! the intensity~!
7strawberrydevilkyah! so sweet! so gorgeous! omigod! so overwhelming! i know i'm being repetitive here but i just love it! i could jst imagine how hisoka would react his 'future' finally happen to him...and what about tsuzuki! uwwa~! the intensity~!
6/25/2007 c19 macca64
This story is just so amazing. Seriously. You really show each characters emotions really well. And Hisoka's break down at the end was just so heartwrenching.
I really like your writing style because your story's not all angst and sad, it has it's moments, but they're good moments(even thought they're sad). But you also know when to put humor and just ramblings in the story, but without going overboard or losing the main track of the story. All in all, you're a great author and I can't wait to see if you have anything planned after this story.
Great job. I seriously can't wait for the next chapter.
This story is just so amazing. Seriously. You really show each characters emotions really well. And Hisoka's break down at the end was just so heartwrenching.
I really like your writing style because your story's not all angst and sad, it has it's moments, but they're good moments(even thought they're sad). But you also know when to put humor and just ramblings in the story, but without going overboard or losing the main track of the story. All in all, you're a great author and I can't wait to see if you have anything planned after this story.
Great job. I seriously can't wait for the next chapter.
6/25/2007 c19 3MeghanthePagan
Oh my goodness. They cried then I cried and then I cried some more and it was so wonderful. A happy sad crying moment full of tears and then they hugged and I cried some more. This chapter was THE best so far, I don't see that you had trouble with it at all. It is very touching and goodness me!
I NEED to know how this all works out, I need it. *runs away crying*
MOAR!
3MeghanthePaganOh my goodness. They cried then I cried and then I cried some more and it was so wonderful. A happy sad crying moment full of tears and then they hugged and I cried some more. This chapter was THE best so far, I don't see that you had trouble with it at all. It is very touching and goodness me!
I NEED to know how this all works out, I need it. *runs away crying*
MOAR!
6/25/2007 c19 8ShinigamixGirl
O_O Tsuzuki is leaving tomorrow?
:'( Thats so sad. I cant wait for you to update again.
Its very cute and interesting. I wonder what will happen to Hisoka and Tsuzuki.
8ShinigamixGirlO_O Tsuzuki is leaving tomorrow?
:'( Thats so sad. I cant wait for you to update again.
Its very cute and interesting. I wonder what will happen to Hisoka and Tsuzuki.
6/24/2007 c18 ShinigamixGirl
O_O...Very nice. :D Very cute the way you made Hisoke win in cards. xD Hisoka is a master at playing cards. xD I cant wait for you to update again. :D
O_O...Very nice. :D Very cute the way you made Hisoke win in cards. xD Hisoka is a master at playing cards. xD I cant wait for you to update again. :D
6/21/2007 c18 7laustic
Aw, it's rather sweet that Tsuzuki and Hisoka played cards together. It's good to see Hisoka so relaxed and he's pretty darn good at playing cards :)
Loved this chapter.
7lausticAw, it's rather sweet that Tsuzuki and Hisoka played cards together. It's good to see Hisoka so relaxed and he's pretty darn good at playing cards :)
Loved this chapter.
6/21/2007 c18 hasleftthesite
Had to smile when I read how Watari had been spying on Tsuzuki and Hisoka but hey ... who can blame him? Those two are so cute together and if I had left something behind with the idea of getting two people back closer to each other, I would also like to stick around to see how my plan worked out.
Okay that Watari doesn't want the happiness Hisoka is currently feeling to be taken away by dragging Tsuzuki away from the boy after the event with Muraki but still somewhere I wonder if Hisoka would still be able to be happy after the rape just because Tsuzuki would be there with him. It would help of course but still ... Hisoka is going to have a lot he has to deal with and the way he is going to die is also going to be very painful so would he still be able to find happiness just because Tsuzuki would be with him? And as for Tsuzuki's happiness, will Tsuzuki really be able to be happy staying by Hisoka's side and seeing the boy slowly slip away from him without him being able to do anything about it? I wonder. But if I was in Tsuzuki's shoes I would like to spend what ever time my lover still had left with him, no matter how short and hard that time would be.
And a small thing I like to point out, you have Watari worry about the fact that Hisoka may be able to sense them when he and Tatsumi go and check on the two of them but wasn't he worried about that then too when he was spying on them during the radio sheme? I thought he had raised his shields or something like that during that spying so Hisoka couldn't feel him and wouldn't it then only be normal that he would do the same again when he went back with Tatsumi? Just something that kinda bothered me and kept bothering me.
I'm not surprised Hisoka beat Tsuzuki at cards. Hisoka may be relatively new to card games but he is very smart and so I'm sure he managed to pick it up very quickly. Besides seeing as he is so smart he may even be able to keep track of what cards have passed and what kind of hand Tsuzuki may be holding so that he knows when he has to call for Tsuzuki's cards in order to win. (Although counting cards is actually against the rules when playing poker, LOL)
I was surprised to read that Tsuzuki hadn't been allowed in heaven yet. Normally angles always live in heaven (or that's just the way we portray them) but I like your way of thinking very much. And it does give some nice possibilities. For instance Hisoka can be given the choice when he has died to move on and go to heaven or stay on as an angel after which he then decides to stay on as an angel, telling Tsuzuki that when the time has come they will both enter heaven, together (oh the romance!).
And I don't think either that Watari and Tatsumi will be able to cheer up Tsuzuki after he has been dragged away from Hisoka. Friends can only do so much and in the end it is going to be Tsuzuki himself who is going to have to snap out of it. Let's just hope that if it comes down to this, he will be able to do this cause I am sure ... this won't be the end. They will meet again! Somewhere, somehow.
Kisses and hugs
Gillie
Had to smile when I read how Watari had been spying on Tsuzuki and Hisoka but hey ... who can blame him? Those two are so cute together and if I had left something behind with the idea of getting two people back closer to each other, I would also like to stick around to see how my plan worked out.
Okay that Watari doesn't want the happiness Hisoka is currently feeling to be taken away by dragging Tsuzuki away from the boy after the event with Muraki but still somewhere I wonder if Hisoka would still be able to be happy after the rape just because Tsuzuki would be there with him. It would help of course but still ... Hisoka is going to have a lot he has to deal with and the way he is going to die is also going to be very painful so would he still be able to find happiness just because Tsuzuki would be with him? And as for Tsuzuki's happiness, will Tsuzuki really be able to be happy staying by Hisoka's side and seeing the boy slowly slip away from him without him being able to do anything about it? I wonder. But if I was in Tsuzuki's shoes I would like to spend what ever time my lover still had left with him, no matter how short and hard that time would be.
And a small thing I like to point out, you have Watari worry about the fact that Hisoka may be able to sense them when he and Tatsumi go and check on the two of them but wasn't he worried about that then too when he was spying on them during the radio sheme? I thought he had raised his shields or something like that during that spying so Hisoka couldn't feel him and wouldn't it then only be normal that he would do the same again when he went back with Tatsumi? Just something that kinda bothered me and kept bothering me.
I'm not surprised Hisoka beat Tsuzuki at cards. Hisoka may be relatively new to card games but he is very smart and so I'm sure he managed to pick it up very quickly. Besides seeing as he is so smart he may even be able to keep track of what cards have passed and what kind of hand Tsuzuki may be holding so that he knows when he has to call for Tsuzuki's cards in order to win. (Although counting cards is actually against the rules when playing poker, LOL)
I was surprised to read that Tsuzuki hadn't been allowed in heaven yet. Normally angles always live in heaven (or that's just the way we portray them) but I like your way of thinking very much. And it does give some nice possibilities. For instance Hisoka can be given the choice when he has died to move on and go to heaven or stay on as an angel after which he then decides to stay on as an angel, telling Tsuzuki that when the time has come they will both enter heaven, together (oh the romance!).
And I don't think either that Watari and Tatsumi will be able to cheer up Tsuzuki after he has been dragged away from Hisoka. Friends can only do so much and in the end it is going to be Tsuzuki himself who is going to have to snap out of it. Let's just hope that if it comes down to this, he will be able to do this cause I am sure ... this won't be the end. They will meet again! Somewhere, somehow.
Kisses and hugs
Gillie
6/20/2007 c18 3MeghanthePagan
ARGGREARRG! :kicks angels: Oh If I were Tsuzuki I would go nutso and destroy a few buildings or something. Or...something...
3MeghanthePaganARGGREARRG! :kicks angels: Oh If I were Tsuzuki I would go nutso and destroy a few buildings or something. Or...something...