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for Christmas Present

12/24/2006 c1 Guest
what does "oyasumi" mean in this story? In my Japanese class at school, we learned that it means "absent" like, absent from class, but that doesn't really work in the story. I really liked that story overall. It was cute.
12/23/2006 c1 jgsparks

UPDATE! UPDATE! :( please!
12/23/2006 c1 butIdoLOVEyoU
Ah, this was so cute...aw. Isn't Sasuke adorable, i just need him as a Christmas gift! Well you have a really nice story here, which i truly love due to its cuteness. (.^_^.)
12/22/2006 c1 6fallenangel44
kawaii! ^-^
12/22/2006 c1 8blueblossomkunoichi
what was the fourth suprise? sorry if it is obvious but im naturally blonde. my hair is just turning brown! i love the story and could you do me one favor and read and review my story 'Mending Wall'? it is under the name GaaraIsMine. i dont know how to post so she posted it for me. im not writing another story until i get at least 10 more reviews. plez? pleez and thank you! keep up the good work! love the story!
12/22/2006 c1 Desert Ai
I think it was a very good idea. Very interesting.

There were alot of spelling mistakes, a whole lot. You left out letters, capitals, etc.

Ex1:Sakura-chan you're beutiful. Can you be mine?

Your missing a comma between Sakura-chan and you're, beutiful is spelled b.e.a.u.t.i.f.u.l and I believe you should have replaced can with will.

CAN you be mine is asking if Sakura has the ability to be Sasuke's.

WILL you be mine asks if she WILL.

Ex2:Anyway, tomorrow's christmas day so it was really appropriate for her to do it.

christmas should be capitalized as Christmas.

You also seem to have a tendancy to omit the 'ed' at the ending of many words.

Ex1: And after Sakura ascend the stairs-

Ascend should be spelled ascended in this case

Ex2:"I just drop by."

Drop should be spelled dropped. Actually, this entire sentence is wrong.

"I just decided to drop by." would be far more acceptable.

I believe you were aiming for third person point of view in this fic but the way you wrote it left me unsure. I'm almost inclined to assume that English is not your native language.

Right or not this story was very nice, you just need to work on the mechanics of writing. Do that and you will be fine.

(Also, I suggest you choose a beta. Someone that will correct your work for you before you post it, a fresh pair of eyes are always a useful thing. Don't choose a friend though, or a family member for that matter. They will try thier best not to hurt your feelings and attempt to sugercoat thier critisism to such an extent that they will be no real help at all)
12/22/2006 c1 9PrincessComplex
aw kawaii~
12/22/2006 c1 7Arialine
Great Story! I'm searching for dis kind of story for MONTHS! thx 4 creating it! ^^
12/22/2006 c1 La Rose Noir
hey!this is constructive critism! ur story concept is good, even sweet, but ur grammar is what kinda makes it kind of hard to read! they're ur tenses that u need to work on really and ur point of views, ya kno first second and third.! that kind of thing! but keep up the good work!

everyone's gotta start somewhere!
12/22/2006 c1 boo93
no this was great! :D i loved it. but you spelled beautiful beutiful. :/ o well, this was great! =]
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