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for Darkstalkers meets Harry Potter Book 1

6/19/2012 c5 XenaTheAlienChick
me:poor demitri and jon

donavan:what about me

me:*turns to a shadow with razor sharp teeth red eyes and a chainsaw and fire in the background* YOU GET NO CONDOLENCES! *turns to normal* funny chapter :3

demitri:i think i pissed my pants O_O

jon:*nods* O_O
6/19/2012 c4 XenaTheAlienChick
me:awsome and *runs up to the sorting hat and puts it on*

sorting hat:um griffendore!

me:WHOOOO! OH YEAH!

everyone:*stares at me like da fuq?*

me:*puts hat down the hugs hsien-ko, me-ling, felicia, harry, ron, and hermonie then runs out the door*
10/29/2011 c1 anon1
How dare you put darkstalkers in with harry the pot smoker wtf was going through your mined while you where sniffing crack...you sicken me! CANCER!
11/7/2010 c9 4Ein Sof Ish
What type of writing is this. Freaking hilarious with so many plot twists to the point I cant even judge it as a fic. Seriously what made sense here.
12/3/2008 c1 10Evil Riggs
So far, this story has some great ideas but is short on execution. It's way too direct in how it reveals plot points and key details, bordering on straight summary in some sections. When you label each dialogue exchange with "Conversation," I can't tell if you're joking around with the reader. That's not exactly standard, after all.

My general advice (so far, as this is only an opening chapter and these things sometimes take time within a story to evolve)would be to slow down and add in a lot more sensory detail. Instead of just telling us about Dumbledore's dark journey, why not describe it from his point of view moment by moment? That might make a pretty kickass opening scene. Also, it's probably best to remove all references to the story being a story, if that makes any sense. While it's interesting to note that the timeline of the books has been pushed forward a decade, it would be better to learn that from within the story rather than you just telling the reader this flat-out.

In any event, the core of the story is solid and it certainly leaves lots of room for expansion. Good luck with all your future projects!
9/26/2008 c2 Travis P
Keep it up! This is cool! But ya forgot Queen Bee (Q. Bee(the soul bee) and Rikuo (the merman) and Victor (the golem (modeled after Frankenstien's monster). On a side note i'd love to see Jedah team up w/Baby Bonnie Hood, Bishaman,and Volde. himself. That i'd love to read.
8/23/2008 c1 Soul Guider
I like your idea. However, from what I can tell so far, it's not executed entirely well. Not trying to be mean, but you should go back and fine tune a few things, punctuation, spelling, etc. Draw this story out a bit more, you have a lot of info coming in too fast. With the information you give in this first chapter, it could easily be drawn out, doubling, even tripling the size of the document. A rewrite should be in the works. Like I said earlier, good idea, mediocre execution.
8/10/2008 c3 DIE IN A FIRE
CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER CANCER
8/10/2008 c2 anon
This is the cancer that is killing the internet. Also I lol'd hard.
8/31/2007 c1 Duralsilver
dammit, it didn't work:
8/31/2007 c1 Duralsilver
I'll try this your way just in case.
8/16/2007 c1 Allen
I just read your new chapters. TWEET,TWEET,TWEET!
8/8/2007 c11 AccountDelete1
"This party's getting crazy"
7/31/2007 c10 AccountDelete1
Nice, fucking A.

BTW, please put "" to identify speech and try to get another writing program like Openoffice.

Otherwise good job
7/30/2007 c1 AccountDelete1
KK, this story seems to be interesting, can't read the rest till tonight maybe, gotta write for both my stories and such. And of course our actual lifes off the internet, but I'll have it read by the end of the week.

BTW, I ned to know from a hardcore fan, how does' Talbain's children at his ending look like?
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