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2/10/2014 c10 12Macro And Micro
This was a good concept but it was very slow. You were dancing around some subjects for chapters at a time. Their should be something happening at least every chapter.
11/18/2013 c10 9Goblin Girl's Cast Members
That's it?!

This story is too good to end now!

Please update soon!

-G.G.
8/14/2012 c10 5darkcazzievirvues
Wicked.
I Read it Twice and I Love It
9/12/2007 c10 14Kairi's-twin
POOR POOR POOR ASHLING AND DRAC TOO! POOR AHLF HE'S PROBABLY TERRIFIED. Van Helsing probably thinks Ahlf is dead and Dracula doesn't even have the fact that VH is dead to reasure and comfort him... however small a comfort that would have been. I wonder if Dracula will maybe get Ashling another child... not too soon of coarse because that would be cruel and seem like they were tyring to replace Sophie. Carl dabbeling in Magic! I don't believe it ... but I guess i'll have to as it is in the story. *grins* i think Carl would make a great warlock Wizard whatever you want to call it! This chapter was great I can't wait to read the next! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE UPDATE SOON!

~kairi's twin~
9/12/2007 c10 1Beautiful and Pale
I feel SO bad for Dracula and Ashling. Even though Sophie was "adopted" by them, they must've felt like her real parents. I can't imagine their suffering. :(
8/27/2007 c9 14Kairi's-twin
NO! HE KILLED SOPHIE! I love that kid! Ashling is gonna be pissed! Van Helsing is such a jerk in ths fic! And his kid is a coward! WHY oh WHY did Sophie have to die? she was so young! *sobs* I hope Van Realises he just caused the death of a CHILD! Man this story is awesome even though Sophie died! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE UPDATE SOON!

~Kairi's Twin~
8/25/2007 c9 28Shoysrock
*sobs* I'm so glad you got a new chapter...

Shoys.
7/9/2007 c8 1Beautiful and Pale
This is getting very interesting! where is Dracula? and in that vision that Ashling had, is Dracula feeding on Ahlf? that is the only thing that I wondered about. Keep going! I can't wait to read more! Oh, and I hope that Vay is alright.
7/4/2007 c8 14Kairi's-twin
I hope Ahlf doesn't die though it seems likely from Ashlings vision. I hope Vay is okay because I LOVE HIM he is so cool and I will miss him deeply if he dies. I wonder if Van Helsing will realise that Ashling is still human. Will ashling let Dracula kill Ahlf or will she stop him? This chapter was awesome PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE UPDATE SOON!

~Kairi's Twin`
7/3/2007 c8 28Shoysrock
wow! Please, continue! You write a good plotline, very good!

Shoys.
7/2/2007 c8 7Anon E. Mouse
OK, I just finished reading through all of your chapters. I think your story has a lot of potential-you have unique and interesting characters and you're drawing from a rich mythology to create a lush/complex environment.

My one suggestion/criticism would be to make it a bit clearer early on exactly what is at stake. The best fiction presents the story's central problem clearly and close to the beginning so that the reader understands what is driving the action of the story: what is motivating the characters and what obstacles those characters will have to overcome. It's also helpful to set up "the issue" early because it gives the reader something to be invested in and will keep them coming back for more. What might be helpful at this point is a Council of Elrond-type chapter that allows you to set up the central problems/issues in your story and set the stage for the events/chapters that will follow. Just a thought. :)

A few questions that I have right now are 1) What is Dracula's thing with children? 2) What is he planning that has caused him to call a council and draw all Night Creatures to him? 3) Beyond her psychic ability, why is Ashling so valuable to Dracula? You've hinted that she has some capacity that he desperately needs (linked to her blood?). 4) What is the deal with this Ahlf kid?

I think you've got some very cool stuff going on here. I'm really enjoying this story and I'll be waiting eagerly for your next chapter!
7/2/2007 c4 Anon E. Mouse
This is a pretty interesting story so far! I like the way you've incorporated all these different monsters, it really adds to the depth/complexity of the story and helps create a much more "supernatural"/fantastic atmosphere (much in the way that VH included all 3 major movie monsters) so that Transylvania becomes this place where anything is possible.

Anyway, I saw your author's note asking whether or not you were being clear, and I'm not lost or anything, if that's what you meant. There are still some questions that haven't been answered (like why Ashling's lack of religion is so important), but I'm assuming those will be revealed later? If you have specific points that you're concerned about, or specific things that you think might not be clear, feel free to PM me and I'll take another look.
6/28/2007 c7 14Kairi's-twin
Wow this chapter is pretty intense. I loved the Ballroom bit that was a good read. I can't say that I blame the vampires for the way they feel towards Van Helsing. The girl Van Helsing is looking for... is it Sophie? what will Dracula do to Ahlf if he is captured? I hope Vay doesn't die because he is really really COOL! This chapter was awesome. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE UPDATE SOON!

~Kairi's Twin~
6/27/2007 c7 2ROCKNROLLFANATIC
This is a great story!..I hope u update soon!..It's really good and i just started reading it today and i just couldn't stop!...Its addicting!Please update soon!
6/27/2007 c7 28Shoysrock
A wonderful story! Please, update soon!
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