for The First Misson1/25/2007 c3 
4truegold-dragonstar
Ops. I mean Olin is hiding something, of course, not Theo. Sorry. Good names, by the way - short, simple, and easy to remember.
t-d
4truegold-dragonstarOps. I mean Olin is hiding something, of course, not Theo. Sorry. Good names, by the way - short, simple, and easy to remember.
t-d
1/25/2007 c4 truegold-dragonstar
I like this story. You have a varied set of characters (God I feel sorry for Ethan) set off on an interesting quest, and I like the way you've made it quite clear that some of them - notably Dalton and Theo - are hiding things.
Just two things I would say - one, get a beta reader, because although your spelling and gramnmar's not bad there are quite a few mistakes, and two, try and indicate MUCH more clearly where you change point of view. Put in an extra space or draw a line across the page or something, because this can be a bit confusing. Overall, a good story, so keep it up.
t-d
I like this story. You have a varied set of characters (God I feel sorry for Ethan) set off on an interesting quest, and I like the way you've made it quite clear that some of them - notably Dalton and Theo - are hiding things.
Just two things I would say - one, get a beta reader, because although your spelling and gramnmar's not bad there are quite a few mistakes, and two, try and indicate MUCH more clearly where you change point of view. Put in an extra space or draw a line across the page or something, because this can be a bit confusing. Overall, a good story, so keep it up.
t-d