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5/27/2008 c1 106Rasei
To tell you the truth, I had tears pouring down my face as I read this. It felt real to me. I can't wait to read more of your writting.
4/22/2008 c1 Aigle
Very nice. I really liked this. As for it being too rushed or not- I thought it was just fine.
11/16/2007 c1 5Kagome Mokuba
Reading over the reviews for this I agree with them. It was was too rushed. You should go back and take your time and make it a multi chapter story. Too many unanswered questions. Why did they kidnap Greta? How did they manage to get inside Blood Pledge castle to get her out? Why did they kill her and how was it Yuri was allowed to go where she was? Why was there an uproar with the humans to begin with? Is this a total AU or does it take place after the series? By the end of the series there was peace except with Shimmaron. So why? I do think he got over her death awful fast and what about Wolfram? The story focused more on Conrad but not much with Wolfram or Gwendal whom loved Greta very much as well. She hung out with and stayed by Gwendal alot. It was okay as it is but for something this close to home for them it needed a build up to it and a better ending. So the soldiers learned Greta was human...and? Why should that make a difference to them? She was being raised by the Maou and Mazoku's to people like that who would kill her thinking she was a Mazoku, they would have probably felt she might has well been a Mazoku considering who was raising her. So if the reason for them to start a war was that Yuri killed the bastards that killed his daughter learning her race shouldn't have made a difference. Yuri still killed their comrades so why would just saying I'm sorry calm them and make them just up and leave? Sorry the story just needs more. It was a nice touching story it just too rushed and the war was averted by a simple apology, it needs to have more with more characters and realism not just a quick sorry, if that could happen no war would ever happen.
10/15/2007 c1 13Falcon's Jade
For something as intense as this, it should be multi-chapter fic dealing with the loss, the grief, the despair, and the eventual confrontation with the humans. Everything seems rushed in a oneshot.

Other then that, good work
3/16/2007 c1 3sami1010220
...wow, that was intense, lol. good job!
1/16/2007 c1 5Jetede
I think I agree with you when you mentioned on your note that the ending is weak. I really like the idea of Yuuri's strugle over his daughter's death and how he had killed all those humans. Hey, he's living in that kind of world and it was bound to happen one way or another.

The way you made Yuuri's character developed through the story is good, but something seems to be missing. I think the story is much too short for something as heavy as portraying his emotions over the loss of his child. Not only does the story needs a sequel, I would love to read a longer intro. Maybe a prequel? Or you could even made this chapter the climax of the story of some sort.

While a sequel of the story would be great, another option you could take is by describing what had happened right after Yuuri told them that his daughter was human. It just doesn't make any sense that in the middle of a war like this, that the humans would suddenly draw back their army so easily. There should be some kind of struggle, disbelief, or something that happened right at that moment that made the humans stop attacking. You could even try to describe the situation from the human leader's point of view or something.

You did a great job, though. And I'll be expecting on the sequel :D. Can't wait to see how you will improve the story. ~cheers!

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