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3/9/2015 c10 iitrnr
Enjoyed the story so far. Thanks.
2/2/2015 c10 28Son of Whitebeard
great attacks
1/12/2015 c9 Elquenodebesernombrado
Vivi can touch it would Crocodile Desert Princess touching Mr. 2 could change appearance may play a Tech would have a good advantage at least a copy of his power if only partial.
1/10/2015 c8 Anon Grammar Fix
The life you've lead
led not lead

(who didn't even have concussion,
concussions
7/12/2013 c1 12Diclonious57
interesting interesting
7/5/2011 c8 Two Week Cooldown
Great chapter! I do mean that.

Nice use of your devil fruit drawbacks. Nice handling of Vivi's battle abilities... now I have a *much* better idea of her powers and place in the crew. Also, nice blending of canon sources - movie/manga/anime.

Good luck with the Alabasta arc, and please make that name change.

I'm out for now... hope to read that next chapter sometime this month. Thanks again for the story.
7/5/2011 c7 Two Week Cooldown
It's Drum Island. Gags similar to manga; though I liked the featuring of Vivi in the cliff climb.
7/5/2011 c6 Two Week Cooldown
Filler, but good character development. Addresses the concerns about Vivi's 'place in this crew'. Oh, and not sure how much I like Miss Valentine. The story shouldn't be about her, don't get side-tracked.
7/5/2011 c5 Two Week Cooldown
Hmm, now that you've caught Vivi up to the normal One Piece tiemline, I hope you'll switching over to more scenes and less summaries. You've given Vivi 'various unnamed mentors' and put her on the Sanji-Zoro tier. This seems ambitious, vague, and perhaps threatening her unique identity. That's my impression this chapter.
7/5/2011 c4 Two Week Cooldown
That spiky-haired change you made to Vivi is hard to picture, and I bet your mental picture and descriptions don't reflect it well later. Consider dropping it?
7/5/2011 c3 Two Week Cooldown
You are overusing the word 'finally'.
7/5/2011 c2 Two Week Cooldown
Love how you used the chapter title as a combo-breaker for that stupid share option on the upper left. That interrupts story flow so much. Maybe you should do that for chapter one too.

Otherwise, just 'Alabasta' again.
7/5/2011 c1 Two week cooldown
It's Alabasta, with an L. I get how the 'ara' sound is more battle-orientated, and fits in the theme of the fic better, but it's fanfiction. Alabasta is strong canon. Just like I hold Harrison Potter or Billy Baggins in contempt for being slightly out of tune, I think you need a fix on that name.

Next, that perv-Kohza thing needs to go. He's five. Enough said.

Finally, it sounds like other reviews have given you a bunch of crap, but I think those authors notes at the bottom need to be condensed and less spoilish.

I'll try and give a chapter by chapter.
6/20/2011 c8 Robert Jordan Forever
Nice job with the plot. You messed up Chessmarimo's name when Valentine takes him out. Also his/is somewhere. You're the first author who actually fixes minor cosmetic stuff like that with new chapters. I like it.
6/19/2011 c8 10avatoa
I'm sure that you can think of something that will work. Good luck to you, my man!
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