for Old Guard, New Blood12/5/2007 c12 
70Sheo Darren
Interesting. Most interesting. The showdown approaches, and I find myself in intense anticipation of how this bloody encounter will play out. Even more so at the depth displayed by the "bit" characters involved- Atiya, Garibaldi- in relation to politics and the cyborgs.
And just what is Ace's part in all of this? What is the real objective?
Hm... damn, I'm getting interested in this again, and after I've sworn to avoid GSG for being so depressing... ^_^
As usual, well done, and keep it up.
70Sheo DarrenInteresting. Most interesting. The showdown approaches, and I find myself in intense anticipation of how this bloody encounter will play out. Even more so at the depth displayed by the "bit" characters involved- Atiya, Garibaldi- in relation to politics and the cyborgs.
And just what is Ace's part in all of this? What is the real objective?
Hm... damn, I'm getting interested in this again, and after I've sworn to avoid GSG for being so depressing... ^_^
As usual, well done, and keep it up.
11/29/2007 c12 Wileama
SO AWESOME. I love this story, I think its the best one in the gunslinger category right now. It's a solid chapter, but I really am looking forward to the next chapter. I wasn't expecting them to hit section two's base, but I suppose why the hell not. Anyway I think this is the final straw, I have to invent a time machine. I simply have to read this entire story. It's so damn awesome. You have great depth as a story teller. I really can't praise this story enough. I love the way Joker refers to himself, and the others as 'Super-ass-kicking-bio-ninja-soldiers of doom.'
PS Stop by the forum some time. We've moved, but it would be well worth the effort to follow. I also realized how much I must sound like a crazy groupy...
SO AWESOME. I love this story, I think its the best one in the gunslinger category right now. It's a solid chapter, but I really am looking forward to the next chapter. I wasn't expecting them to hit section two's base, but I suppose why the hell not. Anyway I think this is the final straw, I have to invent a time machine. I simply have to read this entire story. It's so damn awesome. You have great depth as a story teller. I really can't praise this story enough. I love the way Joker refers to himself, and the others as 'Super-ass-kicking-bio-ninja-soldiers of doom.'
PS Stop by the forum some time. We've moved, but it would be well worth the effort to follow. I also realized how much I must sound like a crazy groupy...
11/16/2007 c11 2Legend of Shadow
Wonderful. You're a skilled writer, and you have exceptionally good pacing and placement. The tiny little hints of Section 2 here and there are leaving me wanting more!
Your characters are all excellent as well; I can see each one as a real person, and I can't dislike any of them really. They all have things that I like about them, and things about them that annoy me, just like real people tend to.
The Starcraft and GitS:SAC references were delightful; the allusion to the latter especially so.
2Legend of ShadowWonderful. You're a skilled writer, and you have exceptionally good pacing and placement. The tiny little hints of Section 2 here and there are leaving me wanting more!
Your characters are all excellent as well; I can see each one as a real person, and I can't dislike any of them really. They all have things that I like about them, and things about them that annoy me, just like real people tend to.
The Starcraft and GitS:SAC references were delightful; the allusion to the latter especially so.
8/11/2007 c11 10Manny Gonzo
Excellent chapter.
Your fluid dialouge and prose lends itself grealty to your storytelling ability.
Through this you can see that deep down, all Queen really wants is a family of her own. No matter how dysfunctional that family may be. It could also be why she refuses (to much amusement) Joker's advances.
It's too bad Queen doesn't really understand Ace. From her history, Ace never really had a family and thus doesn't know how to react to one; even a psuedo family. In this, I see King helping out her as much as she helps him. King lost his family, I think he's afraid of losing another; so he stays distant.
I can't help, but think how funny it would be if Joker finds out King made Ace scream. Especially after he called her a "dead lay".
LOLZ
10Manny GonzoExcellent chapter.
Your fluid dialouge and prose lends itself grealty to your storytelling ability.
Through this you can see that deep down, all Queen really wants is a family of her own. No matter how dysfunctional that family may be. It could also be why she refuses (to much amusement) Joker's advances.
It's too bad Queen doesn't really understand Ace. From her history, Ace never really had a family and thus doesn't know how to react to one; even a psuedo family. In this, I see King helping out her as much as she helps him. King lost his family, I think he's afraid of losing another; so he stays distant.
I can't help, but think how funny it would be if Joker finds out King made Ace scream. Especially after he called her a "dead lay".
LOLZ
8/11/2007 c11 70Sheo Darren
You know, I'm beginning to realize just now that the Extended fight each other more often than they fight government commandos. :)
- Caoilte, on the other hand, liked to sleep next to her head, some sort of reminder that she was his human,
Heh. Cats. I prefer dogs. Dumber and happier.
- much to the consternation of several boyfriends she had known.
Ahahahahaha!
- Last night, as she was drifting off to sleep, Tara had been certain she had heard Ace cry out.
:)
- until Tara began to furiously assault him with affection.
Loved this line!
- Tara liked to sing, dance, draw and pretend she was a normal girl again
Feeling trapped? Stifled? Very human.
- Tara had quickly found that if she didn’t work to tire herself out during the day she would have a hard time sleeping.
Ah ha! A flaw in the Extended program? The minute detail proves its importance once more!
Knife-fighting is so unnerving. Your depiction proceeds in fits and bounds, jarring me every now and then with details defined with the sharpness of the knives involved.
That's it. I'm using guns.
Also, what happened to Josephus' "Their drills were bloodless battles..."? There's blood everywhere!
- Ace looked down at the scratch, then at Tara. “Too shallow for my taste,” she said.
Very creepy.
- Once she was made aware of it, the cut started to hurt more.
Yes. Injuries demand attention. The damned things...
- She hoped it was anime.
Tara and Rolito would get along just fine. :)
- And the boys in anime were always gorgeous and stylish in a way real boys so often were not.
lol
- Ace seemed to be spending more time attacking Tara’s left – her wounded arm
0_0 Vicious, but practical.
- “I bet we look better doing it, though,” she said, managing a weak smile
That is so Noir. :)
- “We are colleagues, co-workers, nothing more. Not family–”
- “Oh, how could I misunderstand?” Tara replied sharply.
This hit me hard, considering the way I wrote the latest chapter of "Life Goes On". It hit me even harder considering the next few paragraphs and the previous chapters.
- But none of those friends would fight and kill for her the way the people here did.
- For he who today sheds his blood with me shall be my brother. And sister, she thought to herself.
DAMN! HELL YEAH!
- “No, it’s my fault. I’m the one who should apologize.” For being stupid enough to think you gave a damn
And here is the evidence of you being a hard-hitter with dialogue.
Well done!
70Sheo DarrenYou know, I'm beginning to realize just now that the Extended fight each other more often than they fight government commandos. :)
- Caoilte, on the other hand, liked to sleep next to her head, some sort of reminder that she was his human,
Heh. Cats. I prefer dogs. Dumber and happier.
- much to the consternation of several boyfriends she had known.
Ahahahahaha!
- Last night, as she was drifting off to sleep, Tara had been certain she had heard Ace cry out.
:)
- until Tara began to furiously assault him with affection.
Loved this line!
- Tara liked to sing, dance, draw and pretend she was a normal girl again
Feeling trapped? Stifled? Very human.
- Tara had quickly found that if she didn’t work to tire herself out during the day she would have a hard time sleeping.
Ah ha! A flaw in the Extended program? The minute detail proves its importance once more!
Knife-fighting is so unnerving. Your depiction proceeds in fits and bounds, jarring me every now and then with details defined with the sharpness of the knives involved.
That's it. I'm using guns.
Also, what happened to Josephus' "Their drills were bloodless battles..."? There's blood everywhere!
- Ace looked down at the scratch, then at Tara. “Too shallow for my taste,” she said.
Very creepy.
- Once she was made aware of it, the cut started to hurt more.
Yes. Injuries demand attention. The damned things...
- She hoped it was anime.
Tara and Rolito would get along just fine. :)
- And the boys in anime were always gorgeous and stylish in a way real boys so often were not.
lol
- Ace seemed to be spending more time attacking Tara’s left – her wounded arm
0_0 Vicious, but practical.
- “I bet we look better doing it, though,” she said, managing a weak smile
That is so Noir. :)
- “We are colleagues, co-workers, nothing more. Not family–”
- “Oh, how could I misunderstand?” Tara replied sharply.
This hit me hard, considering the way I wrote the latest chapter of "Life Goes On". It hit me even harder considering the next few paragraphs and the previous chapters.
- But none of those friends would fight and kill for her the way the people here did.
- For he who today sheds his blood with me shall be my brother. And sister, she thought to herself.
DAMN! HELL YEAH!
- “No, it’s my fault. I’m the one who should apologize.” For being stupid enough to think you gave a damn
And here is the evidence of you being a hard-hitter with dialogue.
Well done!
7/1/2007 c10 Wileama
Great story! Characters have real depth to them, and they really help to bring the story to life. The story itself is compelling and makes for a real page turner. Keep up the good work can't wait till the next chapter!
Great story! Characters have real depth to them, and they really help to bring the story to life. The story itself is compelling and makes for a real page turner. Keep up the good work can't wait till the next chapter!
6/26/2007 c10 4LoC978
[q]“So you’re saying she was attacked by a midget?”[/q]
nope. it was a chibi.
[q]He was in the mood for something different tonight, something he hadn’t had in a while.[/q]
talking about food, there? oh! look who's at the door!
... for some reason, the ending cued cheesy 70s porn groove in my head...
4LoC978[q]“So you’re saying she was attacked by a midget?”[/q]
nope. it was a chibi.
[q]He was in the mood for something different tonight, something he hadn’t had in a while.[/q]
talking about food, there? oh! look who's at the door!
... for some reason, the ending cued cheesy 70s porn groove in my head...
6/25/2007 c10 10Manny Gonzo
Very nice. It's good to see chemistry between King and Ace. I can only imagine Tara's reaction if she hears about it later.
10Manny GonzoVery nice. It's good to see chemistry between King and Ace. I can only imagine Tara's reaction if she hears about it later.
6/25/2007 c10 70Sheo Darren
The latest in your series of detailed character sketches raises the bar of excellence yet another notch.
Done with the single line of appreciative back-thwacking, I now go over the highlights of your chapter.
- some hardcore fundamentalist group from the Vatican,
CRG lol The good Colonel ought to see this...
- Alright, so there was this controversy in Rome a few months back concerning a woman and her ‘escort service.’ The madam, Maria Ramos
Woah. "Silence" by Person WMA. Loved it, and glad to see it makes an appearance here. It's really one big, happy fanon...
- There was a rumor going around in the my company that the government uses cyborgs.
^_^ Usually, in the manga and anime, by the time someone says this, the girls are knocking on their doors.
- The technology is probably there,” King said with a smirk.
At this point, Rolito, seated in the furthest, darkest part of this same bar, manages not to snicker, though he does smirk.
- “I wonder if she’s got red hair everywhere.”
Perv.
- “There’s always Ace. The way she flirts, I’d be willing to bet she’d put her money where her mouth is. Or something else, for that matter.”
Rolito, still there, shakes his head.
- “She’s a dead lay. It’s a turn-off.”
Rolito is now choking on his drink.
- “Cover-thiefing?” King asked, bemused.
lol
- “I taste like it too,” he said with a smile.
- She ran her tongue over her lips and ran her eyes over him before saying, “I bet.”
lol Ace IS a flirt.
- There’s more to life than revenge.
Very true. I only need to look at Rolito.
- “You wanna come in?”
- hesitated a moment, but that was answer enough. He moved into the room and she followed, closing the door behind her.
0_0 *shades of HilshireXTriela or JoseXHenrietta*
Well, Ace IS 14 or 15 already...
But I understand. Ace and King are human. It was bound to happen. And maybe it's for the best.
Maybe...
As usual, a great update!
70Sheo DarrenThe latest in your series of detailed character sketches raises the bar of excellence yet another notch.
Done with the single line of appreciative back-thwacking, I now go over the highlights of your chapter.
- some hardcore fundamentalist group from the Vatican,
CRG lol The good Colonel ought to see this...
- Alright, so there was this controversy in Rome a few months back concerning a woman and her ‘escort service.’ The madam, Maria Ramos
Woah. "Silence" by Person WMA. Loved it, and glad to see it makes an appearance here. It's really one big, happy fanon...
- There was a rumor going around in the my company that the government uses cyborgs.
^_^ Usually, in the manga and anime, by the time someone says this, the girls are knocking on their doors.
- The technology is probably there,” King said with a smirk.
At this point, Rolito, seated in the furthest, darkest part of this same bar, manages not to snicker, though he does smirk.
- “I wonder if she’s got red hair everywhere.”
Perv.
- “There’s always Ace. The way she flirts, I’d be willing to bet she’d put her money where her mouth is. Or something else, for that matter.”
Rolito, still there, shakes his head.
- “She’s a dead lay. It’s a turn-off.”
Rolito is now choking on his drink.
- “Cover-thiefing?” King asked, bemused.
lol
- “I taste like it too,” he said with a smile.
- She ran her tongue over her lips and ran her eyes over him before saying, “I bet.”
lol Ace IS a flirt.
- There’s more to life than revenge.
Very true. I only need to look at Rolito.
- “You wanna come in?”
- hesitated a moment, but that was answer enough. He moved into the room and she followed, closing the door behind her.
0_0 *shades of HilshireXTriela or JoseXHenrietta*
Well, Ace IS 14 or 15 already...
But I understand. Ace and King are human. It was bound to happen. And maybe it's for the best.
Maybe...
As usual, a great update!
5/30/2007 c9 70Sheo Darren
A strangely inconclusive chapter. I have to admit that, story-wise, the plot doesn't advance that much, if at all. I am not saying that this is not a good chapter; it has its merits, and its merits outweigh its near-nonexistent demerits. But it is as if the entire story was at a standstill during this whole time. As if everything has run into a wall of half-congealed honey.
But that is me nitpicking.
This chapter shows further insights into the characters- say, Queen's quick personality shifts from remorseless killer to sympathetic sparer of lives. She reminds me of my portrayal of Rolito before my OC joined up with Amalgam, but more vulnerable.
And- is that an S&W single action Joker wields? Because he cocked the hammer before firing, and it was implied the Smith & Wesson was a big gun; .45, I'm guessing. I myself hold the Colt SAA in high regard.
On the side, and rather unrelated to the story, I had half expected this chapter to be titled "Hunter Hunted". Ah, well. ^_^
Excellent addition to the roster!
70Sheo DarrenA strangely inconclusive chapter. I have to admit that, story-wise, the plot doesn't advance that much, if at all. I am not saying that this is not a good chapter; it has its merits, and its merits outweigh its near-nonexistent demerits. But it is as if the entire story was at a standstill during this whole time. As if everything has run into a wall of half-congealed honey.
But that is me nitpicking.
This chapter shows further insights into the characters- say, Queen's quick personality shifts from remorseless killer to sympathetic sparer of lives. She reminds me of my portrayal of Rolito before my OC joined up with Amalgam, but more vulnerable.
And- is that an S&W single action Joker wields? Because he cocked the hammer before firing, and it was implied the Smith & Wesson was a big gun; .45, I'm guessing. I myself hold the Colt SAA in high regard.
On the side, and rather unrelated to the story, I had half expected this chapter to be titled "Hunter Hunted". Ah, well. ^_^
Excellent addition to the roster!
5/28/2007 c9 10Manny Gonzo
Who knew Ace was such a perfectionist? Then again, maybe she has some sort of affection for King. I wouldn't call it romantic, but I guess a sort of guardian/ward relationship.
I'm pretty sure King won't see it this way, but that doesn't mean Ace won't.
Very nice chapter.
10Manny GonzoWho knew Ace was such a perfectionist? Then again, maybe she has some sort of affection for King. I wouldn't call it romantic, but I guess a sort of guardian/ward relationship.
I'm pretty sure King won't see it this way, but that doesn't mean Ace won't.
Very nice chapter.
5/10/2007 c8 70Sheo Darren
Nice interaction between Tara/Queen and Joker. It reminds me of Danjo's review of my latest Life Goes On chappie. The Extended don't have anyone to trust outside of their small group, so close relationships and something akin to romance is bound to appear between teammates. And their offhand, part-humorous, part-serious discussion of Ace also offers insights into Queen and Joker's thoughts.
But the eye-opener was Vinnie. You were right. He did catch my attention.
- While he sometimes didn't agree with what they did, hopefully it really was all for the best.
Rolito could tell you the answer to that. And it isn't pretty.
Good job!
70Sheo DarrenNice interaction between Tara/Queen and Joker. It reminds me of Danjo's review of my latest Life Goes On chappie. The Extended don't have anyone to trust outside of their small group, so close relationships and something akin to romance is bound to appear between teammates. And their offhand, part-humorous, part-serious discussion of Ace also offers insights into Queen and Joker's thoughts.
But the eye-opener was Vinnie. You were right. He did catch my attention.
- While he sometimes didn't agree with what they did, hopefully it really was all for the best.
Rolito could tell you the answer to that. And it isn't pretty.
Good job!
5/3/2007 c8 4LoC978
Jesus, but Joker makes me lol.
I'd like to see his internal monologue during a snowball fight with Tara...
4LoC978Jesus, but Joker makes me lol.
I'd like to see his internal monologue during a snowball fight with Tara...
4/15/2007 c7 70Sheo Darren
Interesting relations there, with Ace "teaching" Tara a bitter lesson. I kinda raised an eyebrow at that nasty injury Tara received (ranks as painful as Henrietta kneeing my OC Giuseppe in the groin).
I like the expanded details on how Tara lives, including a description of her room and her pet cats. And I laughed when I figured out that the BBC's nickname is "Beeb". Oh, dear.
Section One. Ah, yes. Section One. My favorite whipping boy until Chapter 12 of LGO. Now it gets to be the target all over again.
Good job!
70Sheo DarrenInteresting relations there, with Ace "teaching" Tara a bitter lesson. I kinda raised an eyebrow at that nasty injury Tara received (ranks as painful as Henrietta kneeing my OC Giuseppe in the groin).
I like the expanded details on how Tara lives, including a description of her room and her pet cats. And I laughed when I figured out that the BBC's nickname is "Beeb". Oh, dear.
Section One. Ah, yes. Section One. My favorite whipping boy until Chapter 12 of LGO. Now it gets to be the target all over again.
Good job!