for The Journey9/7/2009 c3 
118lezonne
This story has a good concept but the way you wrote it isn't clear. The lines everyone says are slurred together and a lot of the sentences don't make any sense at all. At a 106 temp a lot of people die when they fall asleep, so that's not terribly lifelike and its very rushed. Abbey is really OOC (out of character) and you really don't give a reason why she's suddenly changing so quickly.
My dear, I hate to flame, but this story needs some work. If you revise it or make it easier to understand I'll defiantly re-read this story, ut right now its too hard for me to understand, so sadly since I can't hardly figure it out I sadly wont be continuing my dear. Perhaps you should find a beta reader. I am one, but to find someone else would be better. Terribly sorry.
118lezonneThis story has a good concept but the way you wrote it isn't clear. The lines everyone says are slurred together and a lot of the sentences don't make any sense at all. At a 106 temp a lot of people die when they fall asleep, so that's not terribly lifelike and its very rushed. Abbey is really OOC (out of character) and you really don't give a reason why she's suddenly changing so quickly.
My dear, I hate to flame, but this story needs some work. If you revise it or make it easier to understand I'll defiantly re-read this story, ut right now its too hard for me to understand, so sadly since I can't hardly figure it out I sadly wont be continuing my dear. Perhaps you should find a beta reader. I am one, but to find someone else would be better. Terribly sorry.
3/18/2007 c10 lilmusicfreak
Great chapter! I can't believe that Taylor called Melissa a slut! How DARE she! I guess I'm over reacting though. Anyways UPDATE ASAP!
Great chapter! I can't believe that Taylor called Melissa a slut! How DARE she! I guess I'm over reacting though. Anyways UPDATE ASAP!
3/17/2007 c10 6pinklen98
o0oh. a cat fight. i hope melissa gets a huge chunk of taylor's hair XD [i really don't like taylor. as your can tell :D]
awesome story!
6pinklen98o0oh. a cat fight. i hope melissa gets a huge chunk of taylor's hair XD [i really don't like taylor. as your can tell :D]
awesome story!
3/14/2007 c8 6pinklen98
awesome story. i would have thought jackson would have said no to the slapping but ian is a jerk :D
6pinklen98awesome story. i would have thought jackson would have said no to the slapping but ian is a jerk :D
3/13/2007 c7 6pinklen98
the whole don't get mad get even reminded me of john tucker must die movie
it was an awesome movie and this is a awesome story :D
6pinklen98the whole don't get mad get even reminded me of john tucker must die movie
it was an awesome movie and this is a awesome story :D
3/11/2007 c6 4lilmusicfreak
Good chapter! I am so happy that Jackson and Melissa are together! Will something terrible happen that will tear their relationship apart? Please UPDATE ASAP! Thanks!
4lilmusicfreakGood chapter! I am so happy that Jackson and Melissa are together! Will something terrible happen that will tear their relationship apart? Please UPDATE ASAP! Thanks!