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for The Gunner and the Grease Monkey

12/20/2013 c6 1bugsymutt
I realize you wrote this years ago but I just found it and enjoyed it a lot. Exciting action scenes and a very interesting mystery.
6/15/2008 c1 3Lady Midday
Hello,

I will start off with saying that I'm not familiar with the fandom, but I will do my best to leave a good review nevertheless.

The first chapter is pretty good, I liked the fact you started right in the middle of a scene, right before the action begins. Sometimes it really bothers me if stories take ages to build up, but with yours it captures your attention immediately from the start.

It was also surprisingly easy to follow, as I already stated; I don't know the fandom, yet I felt like I understood the story and the situation for the most part, despite not knowing the world or the characters. I could get a lot of details out of the first chapter.

I liked your writing style. Especially because you write very cinematically. (Showing rather than telling) It makes it easier for the reader to get deeper into the story, and to keep the readers attention.

The only criticism I could make is that you never put numbers like '2' in the story itself. (See the introduction) You always write the numbers out. (So two) I know it's kind of whiney of me, but it does bother me somehow.

And you could have put a flashback to the earlier days at the beginning, to raise the expectations and curiosity, but then again that's a matter of personal taste.

All by all your story worked out pretty well for a first one, and an unbeta'd one too. (Certainly better than my first one)
3/27/2008 c6 5LadyofSilverSide
I'm really enjoying your stuff.
9/3/2007 c1 4Hagan99
I enjoyed this story. You did a great job with the paring and made it believable. You also had a nice way with details that made the action real. Nice work.
6/7/2007 c6 mmkfire
GOOD STORY kepp the story coming.

Michelle
6/7/2007 c5 33trecebo
Great fights and action here. Again, my main concern is your paragraphs being bulky. In an action scene you can really cut from person to person and do so with the paragraphs. It would make reading the fight clean and easy to understand.
6/7/2007 c6 trecebo
Very good. Hawk's thoughts on his choices were superb. I look forward to the next story.
6/7/2007 c6 28PixieRed
Now that it's complete, I can honestly marvel at how well crafted a story this was - balanced in its construction with a strong conclusion and ending, no easy task. Hawk and Flint's meeting was a great place to end it.

The action in chapter 5 was really heart-pounding at times. The payoff was delightful but I won't say more here so as not to spoil.

The MAMBA add a new element this 'season,' which seems like a natural progression.

Also, I meant 'author' instead of 'other' in my last review. Oops.

See you next episode!
6/7/2007 c6 42Stephen R Sobotka
Very nicely done! Great action and an interesting twist to all the Cobra "third column" angle.

I do have one small nit, you set up Roadblock and Cover Girl all nicely done... but you didn't follow through at the end with them possibly going further with their friendship! Granted I know the military has this problem with fraternization, but STILL! Marv and Courtney make such a cute couple! You'd better be going to develop them further in a future story!

Thanks for sharing!

Maintain and Check Six!
5/31/2007 c4 28PixieRed
This is unfolding just wonderfully, an action spy mystery done well. Indeed Hawk knows what he's doing when he assembles a team (or rather, the other does.) Roadblock and Cover Girl's skills are used well. The interplay is amusing to read and there are some thoroughly enjoyable one-liners in there. The side characters seem human instead of one dimensional.

I like how this universe acknowledges the movie in such a way that I feel I can take it seriously too.
5/30/2007 c4 42Stephen R Sobotka
Mercy, now this was a pairing that blindsided me completely, but I can so see it working! Roadblock and Cover Girl make for a pretty dynamic couple, and the way you've thrown them together on this case has been pretty good... slow progression, no "my god I love you" right off the bat, as it were.

I have a love/hate relationship with cliffhangers, but I make an exception where your story is concerned! Please continue this one!

- Stephen
5/18/2007 c4 31White Eyebrow
Thanks trecebo,

You're totally right. I rushed that whole last section and it reads choppy. I should have listened to my gut and tweaked it before I posted. I'll let it cook for about a week then refactor it before I start chapter 5.

Thanks again. -WE
5/18/2007 c4 33trecebo
Pretty good action at the end.

Constructive stuff: The banter. It was good, but the total lack of either of them having movement or facial expressions wasn't so good. It was a large page of dialogue and while the dialogue works, you need to ground it to who was speaking and what was going on as that happened.

Roadblock paused, trying to remember the layout. “Do you still have that wiring map from the electrician's report CoverGirl?”

“Yes here it is.” She unfolded the paper, shining the light so they could both see.

“Well it certainly looks larger that it does on paper." He tapped the report, tracing a path. "We'll make one circuit around then call it quits.”She knew he was right, but that didn't make abandoning him any less painful. She ran back the way they came. She got halfway down the passage when the hallway lit up brightly and an alarm rang. As she came upon an intersection she saw shadows cast from 3 guardsmen coming up from around a corner.

She broke into a full run and jumped into the air. Her timing was perfect - as one of the guards appeared, he met the full force of her flying kick. He slammed hard against the opposite wall and did not move. She landed on her feet then immediately pounced after the second guard; she drove the spike of her heel into the pit of his stomach. It had enough penetration to knock the wind out of him and cause him to double over. She finished him off with an ax kick to the back of the head, breaking her heel off against his helmet.

Now she no longer had the advantage of surprise; the remaining guardsman came at her so fast that she barely managed to sidestep his punch as it grazed her jaw. Enraged, he came at her again. This time she grabbed his arm and flipped him over her shoulder. However, he rolled with the attack, caught her on the hip and reversed the throw. She fell hard on her back and tried to recapture the air that left her lungs.

Before she could even breathe again, the guardsman was already on top of her and had her pinned down to where she couldn't move. She kicked and screamed desperately to no avail. Suddenly she saw a massive hand slap around the grill of the guardsman's helmet. It was RoadBlock.Now Courtney no longer had the advantage of surprise; the remaining guardsman(came at her) [can change to 'charged'] so fast that she barely managed to sidestep his punch as it grazed her jaw. Enraged, he came at her again. (This time) [drop this phrase-useless] she grabbed his arm and flipped him over her shoulder. However, he rolled with the attack, caught her on the hip and reversed the throw. She fell hard on her back and tried to recapture the air that left her lungs. (These last two sentences were awesome in the layout of the action.)

Before she could even breathe again, the guardsman was already on top of her and had her pinned down to where she couldn't move. She kicked and screamed desperately to no avail. Suddenly Courtney saw a massive hand slap around the grill of the guardsman's helmet. It was RoadBlock.
5/1/2007 c3 9R. E. Lyngard
Apologies for not reviewing sooner. I really enjoyed this chapter. The comradier of CG and RB from the "date" to the action was very well done. I liked seeing RB not oblivious to his female counterpart, and weighing it with his respect for her was nicely balanced.

I keep feeling the Metier and Evrard either know something more or are part of the plot in general. The coincidence explanation that Metier came up with was awfully pat and overriding.

The action descriptions were first rate. I particularly enjoyed your fight descriptions of Purple Wig and CG. Mr. Aloof is a very intriguing character about whom I look forward to learning more. I loved the "married couple" dialogue during the road chase scene as well - humor and action, love it.

Great job. Story certainly has captured my interest.

Regards,

RL
4/13/2007 c3 Suz
Good work! I like the partnership between Cover Girl and Roadblock, the way you play them off each other - and maybe a start of romantic interest? Update soon please!
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