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for Tales of The Cosmic War Vol 1: A Hero's Evolution

11/6/2021 c4 68Sovereign64
Very nice, action-packed chapter. I never thought I would see Mr. Burns from the Simpsons in this story. And nice to see Nightmare from Soul Calibur and the Pillar of Autumn from Halo too.

I hope Ben will be alright. Great chapter!
11/2/2021 c3 Sovereign64
Nice chapter. Brad almost had the upper hand on Ben until Cloud shows up to stop him. Also, sucks that Lacus is Brad's girlfriend, but nice to know she hates jerks like Brad.

While it's a shame that Zack and Aeris died in this timeline, Ben and his friends' training session with Cloud was quite enjoyable to read.

Good chapter overall.
10/27/2021 c2 Sovereign64
First of all, don't start the chapter with 'Today we begin', and write words like 'we turn to'. It feels like breaking the fourth wall and sucks the reader out of the story. It's best for the reader to learn and imagine the scene and the character's actions inside their head themselves rather than having a narrator to describe what is going on. Also, don't frequently use the word 'then'. It does get annoying every time you use it after a certain scene or action.

With that said, I can understand why Ben's father is discouraging him to become an Enji Knight, mostly because he doesn't want his son killed and lived a normal life. But at the end of the day, his mother is also right that a person should be allow to follow their own dream, even if it's hard and risky.

Also, Ben finally makes his way to the Enji Knights headquarters. During his journey, he makes friends with Lloyd and Genis, but also seems to make an enemy with Vaan. Oh well, I never like Vaan anyway too. And I'm surprised this is all happening after the events of Tales of Symphonia: Dawn of the New World.

Another criticism I have is don't just tell everything about the character and their backstory right away upon introducing them into the story, even if they are minor characters. Some readers would find that annoying because they want to know the characters as the story progresses and not right after their introduction. Also, when describing a building, don't mention other famous buildings such as the Jedi Temple or Hogwarts. Again, it's distracting. Just describe the building in your own words like describing its roof, the shape of its windows, does it have towers and how many built around the building, a wall surrounding it, etc.

Anyways, it's nice to see many different people from all walks of life inside the headquarters. And I kinda laugh when you wrote that Ben saw the prettiest woman he had seen all day. Someone more prettier than Tifa? Just kidding. Heh.

Also, I was again distracted when there are words suddenly written in italics, until I realized they are suppose to be Ben's thoughts. If you are going to write someone's thoughts, at least put up an apostrophe to indicate it was someone's thoughts.

Ben later enjoys the rest of the day looking around the school until his old high school pain Jerid decides to spoil the fun. Both of them fight with each other for a while until a new enemy shows up in the form of Brad, who injures Jerid real hard. Looks like we will find out in the next chapter if Ben can take him on.

Also, are Brad, James, Doug and Lacus your OCs? The Lacus I can think of is Lacus Clyne from Gundam Seed.
10/7/2021 c1 Sovereign64
Hello, I finally got some time to read the first chapter of your first story.

First of all, I really like the opening narration at the beginning of the story. It helps explain the premise of the story to new readers like me. However, while the Endgame-style battle after the opening narration is really cool, you introduced so many characters during that scene that it felt like you are already giving away the climax before we get into the actual beginning of the story. It would have been better if it is not included at all and just slowly introduce these characters to us as the story progresses.

Other than that, I do think Ben Auro is a tolerable protagonist so far and I like the cameos of Cless and Tear. Good start and I'll read the rest soon.
6/21/2021 c2 4Essteka
Well, back to review another chapter.

I have to admit I did not expect Ben’s father to be so discouraging towards his goal. Probably because I’m so used to seeing parents in fantasy/sci-fi fiction almost always willing to encourage their children (such as the parents of the various Pokémon protagonists being willing to let them travel around the world on their own). It’s not a criticism by any mean. Just a mere observation. Also, I’m gonna take a guess and say that Moz the Moogle will be some kind of non-human sidekick to Ben (much like the various non-human sidekicks that are listed on the page for that trope on TV Tropes).

With that said, I found it rather odd that Ben referred to various heroes as “Spider Guy, Bat guy, the X guys…” I mean, he’s clearly supposed to be a fan of them, so I found it odd that he wouldn’t refer to them by their actual name. That’d be like if someone who was a fan of the Looney Tunes referred to them by names like “Bugs Rabbit” or “Crazy Duck”.

Another problem I have is the various instances of Ben talking to himself, particularly those instances that involve really long speeches, like when he’s talking about Lacus. I feel like those should have been stuff written as part of the narration instead of lines said by Ben.

Also, why were “Krypton” and “Palpatine” in italics in that one paragraph? I don’t get why you felt the need to have these two names in italics. Did you accidentally activate the Italics option while writing these two names?

The only other thing I could add to this review is that this chapter, much like the first one, has a lot of mistakes (such as grammar and syntax ones). I mentioned it before in my review of the previous chapter. But this time, I found it harder to read it due to how many mistakes there were, which is why it has taken me so long to read this chapter all the way through.
5/28/2021 c1 Essteka
Well, I’ve read this first chapter. So, time to share what I have to say about it.

The first thing that stood out to me is the large amount of grammar mistakes and misspellings. Stuff like how you spelled the word “heroes” as “hero’s”, as well as the misspelling of certain characters’ names. For instance, neither Wonder Woman nor Iron Man are supposed to have a hyphen in their name. And that’s just to name a few types of mistake on display here. In other words, this chapter as a whole could have been better written. But seeing how this is the first real story you wrote over 10 years ago, it’s perfectly natural to make a lot of grammar and spelling mistakes when you’re starting to write. But then you mentioned at the end that you plan on improving your story, which will also be when “this note will no longer exist”. Well, glad to see that you’re aware of those mistakes in that regard.

I don’t think it was a good idea to start the story with this huge battle that involves so many characters. I was overwhelmed by how many characters there were. I know it’s just a dream, but it sounded like the climax to a story rather than the beginning of it. If you wanted to begin with a battle, it perhaps would have been better to limit it to just a few characters. Personally, I would have limited it to just Ben and Superman, and simply stated that that a whole bunch of heroes and villains were also present without indicating which ones in particular. That way, it would make the presence of these characters in subsequent chapters more surprising. Or you could have skipped the dream entirely and simply have Ben mention in a conversation with someone else that he had a dream where he fought alongside some of the greatest heroes in this universe against some of the biggest baddies in it. Just throwing some ideas here. Also, a lot of the characters’ physical descriptions felt incomplete and too simplified during that dream. Although, I’m saying this without having any idea if you gave them more complete descriptions in the following chapters. Given that you gave more complete descriptions to Squall Leonheart and co. later on in this chapter, that’s probably the case.

Other than that, the plot was fine. Ben reminds me of a lot of heroes who want to achieve a specific dream, and you did a good job showing his motivation, his fighting skills, and his overall personality. Also, I like that your author’s notes added some details about this chapter. For instance, as someone who’s not a Yu-Gi-Oh fan, I had no idea that all those Ancient monsters were from that franchise until you indicated it at the end. Until then, I thought they were some original creations like Ben himself.

Overall, despite its flaws, it’s a decent start to the story and I’m at least intrigued enough to check the next few chapters. I’m not sure if I’ll be motivated enough to read all 60 chapters, but we’ll see.
2/29/2020 c62 15Allfather-Ford
Here it is, the final chapter in leaving a long review. I have so much fun reading this over million word mega crossover. It had many characters I recognized, and some surprises that well surprises me. Of course being such a huge mega crossover story is at time hard to follow (and why most of the chapters are too long), but I did manage to survive in Vol 1.

Xehamaru is already dead. Atem remembers his purpose and combined his three gods into one. And even Magneto shows his standards and shows to be a flawed character in deciding in helping the good guys. So I’m guessing that either Raxvan or Damonus can be the next Big Bad.

Ben is our main hero as a start for defeating the Big Bad, he got his girl Lacus with his side, alongside the many crossover heroes he befriend. Of course it’s not without loss of casualties, alongside villains that retreated. Even Organization XIII is making their next move, like Xemnas desires to evolve his theories into a reality.

Oh boy, Brad is such a sour puss of being jealous of Ben’s fame and Lacus going all dragon in destroying. But, at least the heroes are returning to a life of peace until the next conflict arrives.
2/29/2020 c61 Allfather-Ford
At last, after a million points of light reference the title of the final episode of Digimon Zero Two, Xehamaru the bastard (and a Complete Monster) is finally vanquished by the combined powers of Ben and the crossover heroes. Of course, he's officially dead, no last minute escape and robot/clone bodies.

But, there's going to be another new villain taking over his Big Bad role alongside the foreshadows of Zannacross's coming return.

One more chapter to go.
2/29/2020 c60 Allfather-Ford
Oh boy, the final phase of the battle against Xehamaru is on. Xehamaru transforms into a Zorc look a like and unleash his full power of darkness at the heroes (And saying the "Darkness conquers all worlds!" line from Ansem).

Two more chapters to go.
2/29/2020 c59 Allfather-Ford
The battle between the main hero and the main villain continues. Things become more personal with Lacus is involved, Xehamaru attempts to mentally damage her and attempt to make her his queen, but Ben saves her in time and gives a death glare towards the bastard.

Oh wow, so Lacus has the Blue-Eyes White Dragon inside like Kisara. Then, Ben powered his Star Sword and uses the Bankai from Bleach. Oh boy, Xehamaru is about to unleash his final form (This isn't my final form, him saying 'monkeys' often remind of Frieza).
2/29/2020 c58 Allfather-Ford
Ben is fighting what Xehamaru is throwing at him at everything he gots. No matter, as Ben is countering the evil-doers attacks.
2/29/2020 c57 Allfather-Ford
Xehamaru just copies Ansem's lines from the first Kingdom Hearts game while facing off against Ben.

Yeah, I did notice the older FF games such as FFVI are involve in this and these past few chapters that covered this war arc. Oh look, Cloud is seen facing Tabuu, this is a what if of if Cloud did appear in the Subspace Emissary.
2/29/2020 c56 Allfather-Ford
First we have Tabuu, then we have both the Master and Crazy Hands, and then the reveal of Xehamaru seeks to revive Chaos Zannacross.

Another instance that since this was written before Smash Ultimate is release with the Smash antagonists appear in this chapter, then that means Galeem and Dharkon's power levels are weak compare to Zannacross.
2/29/2020 c55 Allfather-Ford
Battles continue within. And I see Lexaeus plays major in fighting the heroes.
2/29/2020 c54 Allfather-Ford
More chaotic battles. Here comes Imperialdramon arriving in all his glory. Then, the Exia Gundam arrives, oh man, Gundam 00 is one of my favorite Gundam series of all time, and seeing Setsuna brings back memories in my teen years.
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