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12/28/2013 c32 6Kaleidophoenix
Ah, good. Another chapter. I've been waiting for another one.

Apparently, Yeerks like Santa more than the humans do. Wonder what they write in their letters to Santa...

Dear Santa,
This year I have been a very good Yeerk. I have aided in the infestation of 17 humans, and I didn't slap Yurtle Four-Four-Three in the face when I could have. I want a better host body - young teens are mostly useless - and I want that promotion that Iniss two-two-six hinted he might be giving me.
Hortool Nine-Four-Three

But in all seriousness, I liked the chapter. We have a little bit more development for Toloth toward his eventual transformation (something I am looking forward to in the future, hopefully before chapter 40, but not too soon before then), and he seems to be very confused about it. I don't blame him. However, I wouldn't mid taking a look at a couple of those bookshelves. *wink*

Some of Teresa's faults are illuminated here, but they're very natural ones, and help her character define herself better. Also, Mrs. Chiodini snipes a bit at he Sharing more (yay!). I'm liking her character so far, so keep up the characterization you have on her.

As for next chapter, I think that Mrs. Chiodini is probably going to meet Chapman, and they're going to have an interesting discussion about the Sharing. Perhaps Toloth will start to realize what is happening there, but I can't say for sure.

All in all, I thought this was a good chapter. Keep up the good work, and have a wonderful holiday!
12/25/2013 c31 47zedille
I just found this story via TVtropes and I'm thoroughly impressed by what you're doing here. This is a really excellent worldbuilding look at the Yeerk empire and how a social movement like religion might have the power to cause so much change from the bottom up, and we've already seen elements with that from Gef. You also clearly are very familiar with Christian philosophy/theology and are able to present that to the reader (as well as to the Yeerks, via Teresa) without crossing the line into full-out proselytizing. You've been generous with the hints about where this story is going; I'm looking forward to seeing that when the story gets there!
11/19/2013 c8 6Kaleidophoenix
Toloth certainly is irritable. Teresa does make up for two chapters ago, and she learns a new word! Gef decides he needs Jesus; if only everyone would make that decision...Toloth isn't really happy with Gef at the moment, but to him, Gef's body is worth the trouble. His irony is also funny, even if Gef didn't get it. Teresa must be a little tired, because she rushed through a lot of important stuff that I might have expanded upon. Otherwise, she's doing well, and Toloth is getting further down the road to conversion.
11/19/2013 c7 Kaleidophoenix
Gef shows his resoluteness. Sometimes those who aren't as mentally superb are more stubborn than those with a higher intelligence. Toloth trying to dissuade Gef from purposefully trying to kill himself through a second escape attempt was funny, and Toloth's reaction to being outmaneuvered by Gef was funny. Toloth's thoughts in the beginning of the chapter are also very interesting to read. Teresa did make a mistake last chapter, but Gef is rectifying it unknowingly. Now Teresa will have to make it up to Toloth next chapter...
11/19/2013 c6 Kaleidophoenix
Another conversation between Teresa and Toloth! Teresa ties in what she was talking about in their previous meeting about the nature of the Trinity with what she is talking about now—Jesus' sacrifice. Also, the conversation about evil and its existence was well done. Teresa trying to fit in some humor was funny, especially after it fell flat. Teresa's last words to Toloth this chapter set up a bit of conflict between them. She's right, of course, but Toloth won't want to accept that. Good chapter, and I'll see you next one.
11/19/2013 c5 Kaleidophoenix
So, Toloth wrestles with the fact that the Yeerks may not be as superior as he thought they were. Lissim is introduced, and Toloth starts to give excuses. Teresa is obviously having an effect not only on Gef but on Toloth as well. I liked how Toloth was analyzing how the explanation of the Trinity could have come about. Eventually he deduces what he doesn't want to believe. Either the Humans are smarter than Yeerks, or that there really is a God. Neither answer is acceptable to Toloth, so he tries to get around it in his thoughts, but it'll be back.
11/16/2013 c4 Kaleidophoenix
Ah, the answer seeking begins. Teresa's explanation of the Trinity was one I hadn't heard before, and I like it a lot. The Person vs. Nature thing makes a lot of sense. Anyway, Teresa is starting in the right place—with Jesus. People tend to react differently to Christianity than they do to Jesus. It's a stigma.

Moving on, the conversation did flow well, and Toloth's questions were well placed. Teresa is also trying to figure out what to say to him as well, and even though she's a bit out of her comfort zone at first, she becomes a bit more comfortable later.

Also, I liked the last sentence of this chapter. It really does show the power that the gospel has over a person. They are a new creation, one that focuses on the treasures in heaven, rather than the ones on earth. I'm rambling. I'll stop. I'm getting rather tired, so I shall continue this later.
11/16/2013 c3 Kaleidophoenix
And...introducing the Yeerks! Malcar and Toloth are two opposites when it comes to infestation, it seems. Malcar seems to be a bit more scathing, while Toloth is a bit more relaxed; though, as they are both Yeerks, they still have that natural Yeerk pride.

I did notice two sentences that seemed off. The first is when Malcar says, "The truth of the matter was that nothing Malcar did could so irritate Teresa as Teresa's tendency to, when left alone, to surrender uncomplainingly, and "offer it up" irritated Malcar."

The sentence is very awkward, mainly in the verb usage. You have the verb irritated twice in different contexts, and the second half doesn't really agree with the first half. I'm not quite sure how to rephrase it, but I would suggest looking at this sentence further.

The second sentence is "Yeerk soldiers are not conditioned to be intrigued by anything a host life form says." The problem I have with this sentence is more with the context, rather than the sentence itself. I feel like without further explanation into why you are saying this, or maybe offering the alternative, would make this sentence fit into the paragraph.

Otherwise, you're doing great. You've identified more characters, and Gef has planted the seed into Toloth, just as Teresa did to Gef last chapter. Onto the next chapter.
11/15/2013 c1 Kaleidophoenix
Short chapter, but an intriguing start. This is my second read though, and I'm trying to notice some things I hadn't before. I suppose my biggest question is where you got that Hork-Bajir. I would assume it's just made up, but you never know.

As for the chapter itself, the part I liked best was how Teresa reacted to the attempted escape. She knows it's going to fail, but she hopes otherwise.

As for the trembling at her very name, that is quite a good foreshadowing. Good job.
11/11/2013 c31 21Janika
There are several reasons I have to dislike this chapter. The most obvious one I'll skip over since it requires no expansion, but it seems that the last few chapters have been a whole lot of nothing. Ordinarily this wouldn't be a problem except that I keep expecting something interesting to occur. Underwhelming, to say the least.

I know all this is new to Toloth - thereby to us, in a way - but the problem is that it's too much. It sounds like you wrote the whole chapter with a thesaurus beside you to make sure you used the most uncommon terms in order to make the ordinary somehow novel. That in itself is excusable except that you've been doing it so long already that it's almost boring.

Finally, I have to say you could have gone about this in an entirely different manner. For those of us who are more sensitive, this was disturbing. To me, a more useful place to start would be on the way to the Sharing event (in the process of some action) and perhaps a refusal to meet Teresa's mother's gaze or a red face whenever he looked at her followed by relevant portions of the memory. This method renders the experience more second-hand, and in the process more hilarious than embarrassing, even showing a certain amount of wit involved in the application of Toloth's recent reading. As it stands, most of us were too preoccupied with the closeness of the moment to give anything else much thought. It took me days to figure out exactly what all bothered me and why because of that very reason.

Aside from the information about dulot (which could have fit in so conveniently almost anywhere), I will be honest and say I saw no real redeeming qualities in this chapter, whereas a format such as the one I've described would have been more enjoyable to me. And to many of your non-reviewing readers as well, I'm sure.
10/28/2013 c31 5Jouaint
Great chapter.
10/28/2013 c31 1Tsaukpaetra
Hah, to flourish of pride was certainly shot down pretty quick. The spy needs a lesson in awareness after being super-aware, how funny is that?
Keep going! ;)
10/28/2013 c31 10Daniella Violet Moon
Toloth must seem like a God-given relief after being under Malcar's control... Teresa is so strong to have somehow not broken despite waking each morning sad that she wasn't yet dead. But the wave of happiness was so beautiful.
And... wow. Even the "superior" Yeerks forget to knock. That's just perfect.
10/26/2013 c31 54Convenient Alias
Huh. Yeah, I guess Toloth really wasn't thinking of any of this religion stuff as something that could apply to him. But is that, perchance, beginning to change? Methinks I see a glimmer of conversion here!
And with all that pride, it was pretty obvious there was going to be a fall...A bit surprising it was so minor, actually. But a good thing it didn't blow his cover (if that would be the proper phrase to use here).
Dulot doesn't sound like much fun. I mean, can't Yeerks even dream? It sounds so boring...Well, maybe they can listen in on human dreams or something.
10/25/2013 c31 64Animorphgirl
Another enjoyable (though too short) chapter. I liked the description you gave of what Yeerks experience in sleep/dulot. I have to wonder if they experience dulot in the same way if they're hostless, or if that's closer to what humans go through when they sleep. I imagine that dulot in the Yeerk pool would be similar to in a host, since Yeerks still have some senses in their natural state. Definitely interesting to think about.

Looking forward to the next chapter. If you can't post right away, could you at least make it a little longer? I know I'm not alone in this sentiment.
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