for Mistaken and Taken6/15/2013 c16 
3Commissar Admiral Kordoshky
I was already hoping for a happy ending for vlad- for once- And, Long and behold, it happened! Good thing you reminded me to give some feedback, the scenes with the misunderstood party trying to *safe* her was pretty hilarious.
Der commissar
3Commissar Admiral KordoshkyI was already hoping for a happy ending for vlad- for once- And, Long and behold, it happened! Good thing you reminded me to give some feedback, the scenes with the misunderstood party trying to *safe* her was pretty hilarious.
Der commissar
10/27/2011 c16 1Ram-Z Malfoy
omg i love this story! I want a sequel pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeee please please please *.*
1Ram-Z Malfoyomg i love this story! I want a sequel pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeee please please please *.*
10/6/2011 c16 Chris
I finally read your last few chapters to the end. Yay! Here are the notes I took as I read.
Ch13:
Check semicolon use at the start of chapter 13 (should be colon or dash or something else I think...). Maybe I'm just a semicolon hater.
Ch14:
"You may not realize it but he has you bewitched." Carl said trying to be the peacemaker.
If this were a long story with a ridiculous twist ending, Natalie would suddenly realize Carl was right and that she was really in love with Carl all along! Just saying.
check the "too" around mid Ch14 (should be "to")
What a perfect way for Sophie to realize that her sister isn't bewitched - having her vulnerable in front of Dracula and first hand experiencing that he is good after all.
Having Gabriel sniff the air to detect Dracula's presence - great foreshadowing!
"with out" should be "without". I think there's two occasions of this in Ch14.
I think to make the ending neater you should have included something from Natalie. After all, the main plot of the story was about Natalie being in love with Dracula. Van Helsing and Dracula's past and relationship was more like a side story, I thought... perhaps write that Gabriel gives Natalie his blessing and Sophie is patting Carl on the back as he's crying and Natalie and Dracula kiss again in the light of the moon... something like that. To revel in the happy ending that the story has been working towards for so long. Even though there's still the Epilogue =)
Overall, great story idea that was well thought-out and well presented... and most importantly - finished! Thanks for not leaving us hanging. Keep the critiques and encouragement in mind and keep writing!
PS:
I can't officially vote, but I say:
"The story is good as is, no need for a sequel."
I finally read your last few chapters to the end. Yay! Here are the notes I took as I read.
Ch13:
Check semicolon use at the start of chapter 13 (should be colon or dash or something else I think...). Maybe I'm just a semicolon hater.
Ch14:
"You may not realize it but he has you bewitched." Carl said trying to be the peacemaker.
If this were a long story with a ridiculous twist ending, Natalie would suddenly realize Carl was right and that she was really in love with Carl all along! Just saying.
check the "too" around mid Ch14 (should be "to")
What a perfect way for Sophie to realize that her sister isn't bewitched - having her vulnerable in front of Dracula and first hand experiencing that he is good after all.
Having Gabriel sniff the air to detect Dracula's presence - great foreshadowing!
"with out" should be "without". I think there's two occasions of this in Ch14.
I think to make the ending neater you should have included something from Natalie. After all, the main plot of the story was about Natalie being in love with Dracula. Van Helsing and Dracula's past and relationship was more like a side story, I thought... perhaps write that Gabriel gives Natalie his blessing and Sophie is patting Carl on the back as he's crying and Natalie and Dracula kiss again in the light of the moon... something like that. To revel in the happy ending that the story has been working towards for so long. Even though there's still the Epilogue =)
Overall, great story idea that was well thought-out and well presented... and most importantly - finished! Thanks for not leaving us hanging. Keep the critiques and encouragement in mind and keep writing!
PS:
I can't officially vote, but I say:
"The story is good as is, no need for a sequel."
7/25/2011 c14 11Jaiime95
As soon as I saw the next chapter up I did a happy dance! Been waiting so long, THANK-YOU SO MUCH FOR UPDATING!. btw. Great ending, very sweet. But i can't believe its over! :( You so need to right a sequel! :O
11Jaiime95As soon as I saw the next chapter up I did a happy dance! Been waiting so long, THANK-YOU SO MUCH FOR UPDATING!. btw. Great ending, very sweet. But i can't believe its over! :( You so need to right a sequel! :O
6/30/2011 c13 Jaiime95
This story is just so beautiful! I smile half the time because the whole natalie and drac thing is just so GORGEOUS! Can't wait for the next chapter! Great work, keep it up!
This story is just so beautiful! I smile half the time because the whole natalie and drac thing is just so GORGEOUS! Can't wait for the next chapter! Great work, keep it up!
3/12/2011 c13 Chris
It's very romantic now- not really my thing, but I think you've definitely got the tone right!
Typo: "Raphael entertained Sophie with storied" should be "stories". Besides that I think it was all good.
I think you should have done the reveal that Sophie was listening in to Natalie and Dracula at a different time, like only just at the end when they fly off (when it says she rushed out). Then it would be like a twist for the end of the chapter. OR you could have done the whole library part from Sophie's point of view. If you look it over, it would switch to that fairly easily. Like have that Soph went to comfort Nat in the library, saw her sitting there melancholy, was about to go up to her when she saw Dracula greet her and quickly hid behind a bookcase. She listens to the whole thing (you could include Sophie's feelings in here- is she starting to think maybe Natalie isn't crazy?). Then when she rushes out just as they leave you can show that as either her deciding to try to stop Dracula or for her to tell Natalie she understands now.
It's very romantic now- not really my thing, but I think you've definitely got the tone right!
Typo: "Raphael entertained Sophie with storied" should be "stories". Besides that I think it was all good.
I think you should have done the reveal that Sophie was listening in to Natalie and Dracula at a different time, like only just at the end when they fly off (when it says she rushed out). Then it would be like a twist for the end of the chapter. OR you could have done the whole library part from Sophie's point of view. If you look it over, it would switch to that fairly easily. Like have that Soph went to comfort Nat in the library, saw her sitting there melancholy, was about to go up to her when she saw Dracula greet her and quickly hid behind a bookcase. She listens to the whole thing (you could include Sophie's feelings in here- is she starting to think maybe Natalie isn't crazy?). Then when she rushes out just as they leave you can show that as either her deciding to try to stop Dracula or for her to tell Natalie she understands now.
3/7/2011 c13 Duelist Subspacefighter
At first I was like "this is depressing"... Then "YAY Dracula came back!" and then "this is sad why can't they accept the fact that they might be in love" but I realized there would be no action in the story then..
ANYWAYS, I like this story!
UPDATE!
At first I was like "this is depressing"... Then "YAY Dracula came back!" and then "this is sad why can't they accept the fact that they might be in love" but I realized there would be no action in the story then..
ANYWAYS, I like this story!
UPDATE!
3/5/2011 c12 Pokdueler Marth
OMG OMG OMG
YOU HAVE GOT TO UPDATE SOON!
I dont have anything bad to say about this...
OMG OMG OMG
YOU HAVE GOT TO UPDATE SOON!
I dont have anything bad to say about this...
10/8/2010 c3 9Katie Van Helsing
I'm really liking this. Seriously, your diologue is strong, your characters are interesting and you have captured the spirit of each character already created for the film! Fantastic!
9Katie Van HelsingI'm really liking this. Seriously, your diologue is strong, your characters are interesting and you have captured the spirit of each character already created for the film! Fantastic!
10/8/2010 c2 Katie Van Helsing
Hello! I am liking this so far. Dracula's diologue is very strong and it does sound like something he would say. So far so good! :D
Hello! I am liking this so far. Dracula's diologue is very strong and it does sound like something he would say. So far so good! :D
10/6/2010 c11 Chris
Finally an update!
I was surprised when it was Abe Van Helsing. Thought that was fine though.
When Dracula said "you have my leave to do whatever you desire to in this garden" I was waiting for him to add "except eat of the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil" And so Natalie would meet her end! just kidding =P
Grammar nitpick: when someone addresses someone else you should put a comma around the name. eg. "Thank you, Vlad." or "Natalie, explain this!" or "He is not a monster, grandfather." It doesn't mean the person is actually pausing there in their speech, it's just the right way to write it.
Finally an update!
I was surprised when it was Abe Van Helsing. Thought that was fine though.
When Dracula said "you have my leave to do whatever you desire to in this garden" I was waiting for him to add "except eat of the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil" And so Natalie would meet her end! just kidding =P
Grammar nitpick: when someone addresses someone else you should put a comma around the name. eg. "Thank you, Vlad." or "Natalie, explain this!" or "He is not a monster, grandfather." It doesn't mean the person is actually pausing there in their speech, it's just the right way to write it.