
9/3/2015 c4
22Kakerot Bardockson
if you come back to finish this might I suggest Ron masters his MMP and is a master ninja by his return home , where he starts showing up KP on missions

if you come back to finish this might I suggest Ron masters his MMP and is a master ninja by his return home , where he starts showing up KP on missions
6/20/2011 c1
30Manga154
Short, and hard to read without any "" to show where someone starts and stops talking.

Short, and hard to read without any "" to show where someone starts and stops talking.
11/10/2009 c1
2Foxy-kun
dude you really need to change the format its diffecult to read.
on the other hand it sounds like a good fic

dude you really need to change the format its diffecult to read.
on the other hand it sounds like a good fic
10/17/2009 c2
27Sentinel103
Well I can tell your from the British Isles. American kids call their mothers Mom (usually) not mum. Since the story takes place in Middleton, Colorado USA, I highly doubt that Ron would call his mother 'mum'. You still need to use quotation marks for dialogue. And Break it a little. It's almost like reading one paragraph.
I suppose that's a formatting problem.
I would check out the edit portion in the uploader before you post that will let you see what it looks like.
ST-103

Well I can tell your from the British Isles. American kids call their mothers Mom (usually) not mum. Since the story takes place in Middleton, Colorado USA, I highly doubt that Ron would call his mother 'mum'. You still need to use quotation marks for dialogue. And Break it a little. It's almost like reading one paragraph.
I suppose that's a formatting problem.
I would check out the edit portion in the uploader before you post that will let you see what it looks like.
ST-103
10/17/2009 c1 Sentinel103
I hate to tell you this but it is very difficult to read. I mean poper names like Ravin should have a cap in front. Not ravin... Why are you using caps at the beginning of each line? Is that some new form of grammar that I'm unfamiliar with?
ST-103
I hate to tell you this but it is very difficult to read. I mean poper names like Ravin should have a cap in front. Not ravin... Why are you using caps at the beginning of each line? Is that some new form of grammar that I'm unfamiliar with?
ST-103
3/8/2009 c3
5IMAN2688
Hey
Awesome story by far, however there is something you need to fix in this story. You need to include quotation marks when people are talking, and rewrite the parts where speech is taking place. It isn't completely clear who is talking and when. Other than that it looks to be pretty good. Hurry up and update

Hey
Awesome story by far, however there is something you need to fix in this story. You need to include quotation marks when people are talking, and rewrite the parts where speech is taking place. It isn't completely clear who is talking and when. Other than that it looks to be pretty good. Hurry up and update
5/20/2008 c3
2garsdal
this seems really intresting, when is the next chapter out? hope i dont have to wait for too long.

this seems really intresting, when is the next chapter out? hope i dont have to wait for too long.
8/30/2007 c3 Chris Redfield-General Chaos
I would like to see the harem lineup as follows: Yori, Kim, Tara, Bonnie, Monique, and throw in Shego for good measure.
I would like to see the harem lineup as follows: Yori, Kim, Tara, Bonnie, Monique, and throw in Shego for good measure.
7/9/2007 c3 spedclass
Awesome chapter keep up the good work and update soon!Also i think Shego/Bonnie/Yori/Tara/Monique/and possibly Kim should be in rons Harem.
Awesome chapter keep up the good work and update soon!Also i think Shego/Bonnie/Yori/Tara/Monique/and possibly Kim should be in rons Harem.
7/9/2007 c2 spedclass
Awesome chapter keep up the good work and update soon!Also who will be in Ron's Harem if you could get back to me with the names of the girls that will be in it i would really appreciate it.Please and thank you!
Awesome chapter keep up the good work and update soon!Also who will be in Ron's Harem if you could get back to me with the names of the girls that will be in it i would really appreciate it.Please and thank you!
7/9/2007 c1 spedclass
Awesome chapter keep up the good work and update soon!Also who will be in Ron's Harem if you could get back to me with the names of the girls that will be in it i would really appreciate it.Please and thank you!
Awesome chapter keep up the good work and update soon!Also who will be in Ron's Harem if you could get back to me with the names of the girls that will be in it i would really appreciate it.Please and thank you!
6/4/2007 c3
11Tragic warrior
It is very hard to read your chapters the way the sentences are written. If you want, I can edit one of your chapters so you have an idea on what to do with your future chapters. You claim to be too lazy to spell out bueno nacho, but you spelled out the excuse, which was much longer.

It is very hard to read your chapters the way the sentences are written. If you want, I can edit one of your chapters so you have an idea on what to do with your future chapters. You claim to be too lazy to spell out bueno nacho, but you spelled out the excuse, which was much longer.